I have heard more than enough times that when an older foreigner marries a younger Filipina that he is exploiting her, taking advantage of her. I want to talk about this today. Please subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea for observations to help with perspectives of a foreigner and Filipina relationship. Comments are welcome and don’t forget to get notifications for upcoming videos by clicking the bell plus ADD. Is an age gap with a Filipina exploitation? How would anyone know? When the Philippines opens up again, go where you’re wanted and don’t give up trying to find a wife.
I would be naïve to think there isn’t a lot of exploitation going on. It has been for a very long time. This makes for another stereotype in international dating, that the younger women who are willing to marry an older foreigner, are getting exploited, whether they know it or not. Exploitation can go both ways, but since I am a man, I only concern myself with how the man treats the Filipina. I leave the job of advising women to women. I think they are more effective.
My wife is 27 years younger than I am, and if I could marry a younger woman, I thought there were good reasons to do it. I certainly don’t feel like I was exploiting my wife, why is that? I will explain why, then list some ways that some foreign men exploit younger Filipinas. As if it needed to be said, I am against any exploitation from either person.
Intent-If my wanted to exploit my wife, I wouldn’t have married her. Marriage can be risky and will certainly have its share of disappointments. I wasn’t interested in living with her or using her as a friend with benefits. It wasn’t even a matter of wait and see. From day one with my profile, it was clear my objective was marriage to someone. That took all of 54 days to accomplish. I wasn’t expecting it that soon, but it was time to prove my intent. I wasn’t interested in looking around for someone better.
Motive-What was I going to do with my Filipina after I married her? Could I still exploit her then? Is that why I married her so fast? No, the quicker I could marry her, the quicker she would have a husband that committed to her before he even met her in person, a man who was willing to get to know her more on the backside of marriage than the front. I believed I could best meet her needs and do good to her, in marriage.
What do others say?-I can have an opinion on this but what others say matters too. I am sure my wife doesn’t think I exploited her, I am sure anyone in her family would say the same thing, as would anyone who has met us. I think it is absolutely possible someone with an even larger age gap can also say they are not taking advantage of a younger Filipina. Since I think we’re good there, exploitation is easier seen in the following examples. Before I get to the most obvious way to reveal exploitation, here are some other ones.
Dishonesty-The first way to exploit is by being dishonest. If a lot of dishonesty is present, it may be in order to keep the Filipina around longer so she can be taken advantage of. He might be swinging with several Filipinas at the same time. A jack of all trades but a master of none. Of course, this is hidden from the Filipina. He might even be in another country now and then, playing the field, without her knowing it.
With my wife, I have always insisted on total honesty, then we just have to deal with things. If we are to have a relationship where we are both free to be ourselves, then we can’t be afraid to be honest for fear of retribution or the relationship ending. Here is another trait of exploitation.
Demanding-If the foreigner is for some reason being demanding, he does not care about the Filipina. It is not a relationship when one is demanding of another. He may not want to lose her and there is probably something about his personality that causes him to be demanding or even make threats in order to exploit her more.
One sided-There is a lot that fits here. If you ever see a foreign man who has a very one-sided (his) relationship with a Filipina, there is a good chance she is being exploited. When it is like this, and I shouldn’t even refer to it as a relationship, his concern is what is best for him mainly, not the Filipina. His opinion carries the weight when it comes to decision making, and opinions aren’t shared with equal weight to hers. This can all be part of manipulating the relationship so it leans heavily to his side of things.
It is easy to see why that might be. There is a foreign man thinking he is highly sought after, looking for a younger Filipina, thinking she should be grateful a foreigner is giving her attention. He thinks, wrongly so, that he has the pick of the litter, and she would be thrilled to know him. He comes from a wealthy country and she may be poor. Can you see why decision making could become one-sided? Often men go to the Philippines without any intent to give her a better life, something she would like. She seems to tag along, content to show him off to her friends.
The foreigner is in a better financial situation that the Filipina, in all likelihood, which can make him think that he should call the shots most of the time. I think if he were to consider her as more important than himself, that would balance things out nicely. That’s a biblical concept, I am not wise enough to come up with that on my own. I try to do this with my wife. The longer we are married, the easier it is to do and the more satisfying it is, and the more she knows I am committed to her.
Her good-It is more than simply sharing decision making and doing things together, that can still be manipulated to take advantage of another. On-lookers, family and friends, should be able to tell that he values her and already shows signs of being someone her parents can trust her with. He is simply good to her without strings attached.
Abusive-A regrettable indication the foreign man is taking advantage of the Filipina is when he displays abusive physical or emotional tendencies. If he loved her, he would stop treating her that way or let her loose so she can find a real man. Rather than being abusive, his is kind, considerate and wants to build up her sense of self-worth.
Sticks around-How about this one? He isn’t here today and gone tomorrow. He isn’t gone like the wind. I have heard countless accounts of a foreigner abandoning a Filipina, sometimes pregnant. This violates a few principles of not taking advantage of someone. Dishonesty, one-sided, not good for her. She certainly wasn’t expecting him to bolt. She wasn’t even part of the decision making, she feels taken advantage of and betrayed. I am sure most of these fellas think they have dodged a bullet, but I wouldn’t bet on it.
Money-What I mean here with money is that since he is interested in her well-being, he helps her (after a solid relationship is established), and is open to suggestion to use it for something she wants to buy or experience. Having a closed fist with money, would indicate to me at the least, a lack of interest in giving her some happiness she wouldn’t ordinarily get.
Jealousy-Jealousy can result in manipulation, and be from a lack of trust. If he is interested in what is best for her, he isn’t threatened if someone more serious about her shows up on the scene. Jealousy can also lead to the next sign of exploitation.
Controlling-The Filipina can get controlled when she finds she is with someone who is over-attentive to her whereabouts and needs to know who she has been with and what she is doing. Through jealousy, and lack of trust in her, or a lack of confidence in himself, he ends up controlling her. I will link a video I made in the description box called There’s no need to control your Filipina.
Sex-I left this for last since I consider it the most obvious sign a foreigner is exploiting a younger Filipina. Going to the Philippines because a man knows he is able to have sex with a woman he can only dream about in his country, is exploitive. That’s why the term “sexual exploits” can be applied. Don’t be surprised to see this person bragging about being with a young woman who is doing it for one reason, and for one reason only, the money. She might not be done with men yet as she allows another one to exploit her later that day. The man could reason that he is not forcing this woman to sleep with him, therefore he couldn’t be exploiting her, but come on, what is she getting out of it. In my opinion if it is anything short of commitment, she is being taken advantage of.
The exploits I think he should be bragging about, are for her good, with no strings attached, that she is proud to tell her family about. A high-standard indeed, but those are the only kind I am interested in.
While many men take advantage of Filipinas, I am proud that many men don’t, when it comes to their love beyond the sea!