I did a live stream one time after thinking over a response to a Filipina viewer who said she was concerned her American boyfriend might not be serious about her, although she was in love with him. I won’t go into details here as I did in the live, but I did the live stream for all the Filipinas who, like her, are frustrated that their love isn’t being reciprocated, and wonder if they should discontinue the relationship.
Today, I am going to make similar comments for western men so they don’t make the mistake of moving too slowly and giving the impression they are not serious about a special Filipina, but maybe they aren’t serious about her? Please subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea for many videos about a foreigner-Filipina relationship that will succeed. Comments are welcome and sharing the videos can help other men find love beyond the sea.
Many Filipinas are eager to marry-I’m not sure all western men realize just how eager some Filipinas are to get married. They don’t want to take years to accomplish this. In our case, it took less than eight weeks for us to get married, starting the spousal visa petition with what information we could, before even meeting in person. How this could possibly be is the subject for another time, but this suffices to say that if she feels a certain comfort level and trust has been established, she won’t hesitate to accept a man’s proposal. Don’t be afraid to feel like you could give her the impression you are getting serious too soon. If you are serious, she may very well love to hear that.
Talk about your past-This is the first way. I think she will be drawn to a man who is able to be honest about his past, and that includes, eventually, some things he’s not proud of. Don’t be reluctant to talk about your past even if you think it was nothing special. Just be real, be honest. If you have had problems with some area of your life, just bringing it up in the right context can help her see that you realize you are not perfect and have been learning from your past mistakes and want to be better. Doing this will help her to see you are serious about her because you are revealing about your past, which is not something you’d likely do with someone you are just casual with.
When my wife first began to open up to me, that’s when I began to feel like I was falling in love with her, that we were starting to click, that I just might be talking to a woman who I could be married to.
Eventually I revealed to my wife that I hadn’t had a relationship in a very long time, to which she said “the past is the past” and didn’t criticize me for it or put me down.
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Another way a western man can let a Filipina know he is serious about her is to Talk about your feelings-I think a Filipina would like for the person she is married to, to be able to share his feelings with her. Often this doesn’t come easy for guys, but when she realizes you are willing and able to open up to her about what makes you tick, about what’s going on inside, I believe she will like that she is starting to know you better and can relate to you more. I also think this helps to build her trust. Once you can open up to her, she will probably tell you more about herself.
Talk about a future with her-It is one thing to talk about our past and our feelings, our accomplishments, what we like to do, what’s going on at the moment and learn about the Filipina, but beginning to chat with her about a future together is a big deal. This stage comes after you get to know her a bit. She should know that having a close relationship with her is important to you. Talking about your future but not mentioning her doesn’t separate you from other prospects she has.
Visit her as soon as possible-It took me only 18 days to get serious enough about her to ask her to marry me, and she knew I was dead serious and could probably see it coming. I would suggest as soon as you get the notion that a certain Filipina could be someone you could marry, let her know you want to see her in person. If she wants to see you, then tell her you are going to start looking for flights as soon as possible. Even let her know your itinerary so she doesn’t think you’re bluffing, because it is possible that she has heard before that someone is going to see her and he doesn’t show up.
I would talk to her about how excited you are to visit her and meeting her family and seeing the Philippines. You are going to need to embrace her family.
In my case, my wife was the only Filipina I was chatting with at the time (she insisted!) and I had obliged her. I thought “wow, this woman just offered me the chance to focus on me, since when has that happened?”. It can be time consuming and almost impossible to narrow down a list of potentially thousands of women in the Philippines you could search for online. We did meet on the dating site Christian Filipina, after I had become a paid member five days earlier.
If I had been chatting with several or more women concurrently, I think that would simply bog things down. I realize as guys we usually don’t have options, but that probably won’t be the case in the Philippines. Don’t have a long list of must-haves, focus on what you consider essential. She would be thrilled to have a man go to meet her somewhat early on, for the purpose of getting to know her better, and move him to the top of her list.
I wonder why some Filipinas give a guy so much rope. It may be two years and she hasn’t met him yet; three or more years and he hasn’t asked her for her little hand in marriage. I think if it has been two years and a particular man hasn’t set foot in the Philippines to meet the woman he has been chatting with, he is effectively telling her she isn’t really a top priority for him. In fact, considering the distance actually prevents frequent visiting (not to mention the financial cost), why not find out sooner than later if she is someone to marry? Obviously covid has forced some men to have to wait a lot longer than they would ordinarily, but you get my point.
Webcamming offers the chance to spend as many hours a day as you want to with each other, asking the type of questions that will help speed this process up. I will link several videos for you about questions to ask. Many guys are only kicking the tires and won’t get after it, but if they are serious, I think they show it by hustling out to meet a Filipina as soon as they can. You don’t have to marry her right away, but you may find out she’s “the one”.
Treat her special-If you give her your time and attention until it is evident you need to move on, you are going to find out faster that way. Try to make your online experience interesting like watch a movie together, drive around with your phone on so she can see what it’s like where you live, remember things she says about what she likes or tells you about her family, buy her a gift, just anything to show her she’s not just another pretty Filipina.
When you feel a connection, send her a text saying you think highly of her, that you’re thinking about her. I would not tell her you love her until you are ready to pop the question. That’s just too easy to do and will give her the wrong impression. She should be intuitive enough to discern if you are serious or just playing around. We used Viber and Skype in those wonderful and exciting early days.
Be on time for webcams-Of the five or so Filipinas I communicated with, only my wife was always on time for my calls. It did annoy me when the others didn’t respond for five minutes, or half an hour. You might say “what’s the big deal about that?”, well to me, when someone from the other side of the world has agreed to a webcam with a Filipina, the least she can do is to be there, on time. There is the so-called “Filipino Time”, which means, an hour or so later, however, that shouldn’t be the case with an international relationship, especially at the outset.
While the other Filipinas weren’t terribly late, it was my wife who was five minutes early for our very first Skype chat. She was very patient with me as I wasn’t used to the ins and outs of webcamming. The very first contact I had with her was I winked at her on the first day she joined the dating site, so soon that her profile hadn’t even been approved, just her photo. I am still kind of surprised that I wanted to chat with her so soon, but the whole process is so exciting, looking for a wife from another country. I still have that screenshot by the way.
She amazed me by telling me she wasn’t feeling well but would try to stay up for my lunch break, which would have been very early in the morning in the Philippines. I think I told her I didn’t want her to stay up that late for me, to get some rest, and I will contact her soon. Less than three weeks later, we got engaged! She had impressed me immediately by being prompt. I have to wonder what might have happened if I had gone upstairs as my break was almost over, and not noticed her profile photo flash across the screen of my phone. She let me know right away she wanted to chat with me. I was impressed. Her name is Aiza, but at first I thought it was Asia!
On the other hand, if I am keeping her waiting several chats in a row, that sends the message that something else was more important, and that’s exactly NOT the type of impression to make, or it may tell her that I can’t keep my word. 6:00 pm is 6:00 pm. Her time is just as valuable as mine.
Look nice-I can tell you from being married to a Filipina for over six years, she does care about your appearance; she wants her man to look presentable, she considers it a reflection of her. Early on you are just talking, however, wearing a decent looking shirt, having your hair combed and not having what’s in the background look like a disaster will show her that the whole experience of chatting with her is important to you.
Quality and quantity time-I think it has to be both. Quality time means getting to know her. Again, please watch my videos on questions to ask, it should help with comfort level. Quality time means not dominating the conversation, it means taking notes and remembering things she says in order to build on them in later conversations. If the man she is chatting with is repeatedly asking her the same questions she has already answered a few times, she is going to think that what she is telling him isn’t important enough to write down or just remember.
I had so many women on my list that one time I called a Filipina the wrong name. It was during a chat, not a webcam, and she laughed it off and I profusely apologized to her.
Taking notes is more important if he is talking to multiple women at the same time. Sometimes, you’re just going to forget, but if it is a pattern, it’s a turn off. If there are a lot of misunderstandings then it is possible there is a language barrier enough to warrant not pursuing her.
Quantity matters too, I think. A man at work told me that he thought fifteen minutes a day several times a week was sufficient, but we talked about four hours a day and more on weekends. About what? I’m not sure, that was over six years ago and we got married quickly but I don’t remember it being stale. I looked forward to talking to her before work and after work and before bed. It isn’t unusual to hear other guys say they talked for several hours a day.
One of the things we talked about that was crucial to me was how I intended to lead us if we were to get married. I was going to put her first above myself, protect her, provide for her, so she knew I was very serious about getting married. At any time, she could have disappeared or told me I wasn’t what she was looking for, but she liked what I was saying.
Ask about her parents and siblings-She probably loves her family very much and will enjoy telling you about them. I have been able to remember my wife’s family’s names for a long time now, but initially it wasn’t simple because some Filipinas have names we aren’t used to here in America, so I just wrote them down.
Singular focus-A Filipina isn’t going to like it if a western man acknowledges he is chatting with multiple other Filipinas and she is just one of them. Not at all. I know, you’ve got options, there’s nothing wrong with that, however that will cut into the amount of time you could be investing in one Filipina at a time, not to mention making your decision harder instead of easier. There will be options, too many of them. I will link a video for you called “Chatting with several or chatting with one?
Initiate conversation-I have mixed feelings about this because it’s easier for some guys to talk than for others. The main thing here is for the Filipina to not be the one who is always beginning the conversations. If her boyfriend is not real gabby, then he would do well to be a good listener and give honest answers to her, and ask her the questions back. One time I had a date with a woman who answered every question I had with no trouble, but never asked about me. All she had to do was say “And you?”, but the conversation stopped after she had answered.
Talk about your past-Talk about your feelings-Talk about a future with her-Visit her as soon as possible-Treat her special-Be on time for webcams-Look nice-Quality and Quantity time-Ask about her parents and siblings-Singular focus-Initiate conversation.
There are probably more you can think of, in fact, leave a comment about how to show a Filipina she is special to you. These early days are special times. Sometimes I wish I could relive them. Webcamming, then going to the Philippines, a place I knew nothing about, not even how very far away it was (four flights there, four flights back).
One thing I was sure of, I was serious about her, now I am racking up anniversaries with my love beyond the sea!