Am I guilty of pedestalizing, or putting my Filipina wife on a pedestal? If I was, is that such a bad thing? Please subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea, and support this channel with liking the video, making comments and getting notifications for upcoming videos. Since I have a channel devoted to love and relationships with Filipinas, I thought this term that MrE brought up in a video was worth talking about.
Leave a comment in YouTube or the Community Corner. I would expect some feedback with a video such as this. I will include a playlist of his featured videos also in the description box, right at the top. Here is a quote of his from a prior video-
I strongly believe in self-improvement concepts that are provided by the red-pill.
I believe the key to attraction is self-improvement and becoming the man you want to be and not pedestalizing women. By not pedestalizing women; women will be more attracted to you.
As you are a man who can stand on his own and doesn't need anyone. That is not to say I believe in the approach of Men Going Their Own Way or their philosophy. End quote
I admit I think very highly of my wife and I appreciate her very much and I endeavor to express that to her, but if someone does that, are they pedestalizing-putting her on a pedestal?
I asked him for clarification on pedestalizing-
When I say not to pedestalize women is; you as a man make her work for it and realize you are the prize, not her (I expect to be flamed for this statement). While this may sound contrary to what you do; it isn't. You never give a woman everything; she has to earn it (where is the challenge in her eyes?). Women contrary to popular belief don't like men who are "too nice" and shower them with gifts, affection etc., all in the effort to win them over (bribing).
What they are more attracted to is "who you are" and how you as a man can bring her into your orbit (your frame) not the other way around (being a beta orbiter). Men are supposed to be the leaders! Thus you never change who you are for any woman (anyone for that matter) just so she likes you. Be happy with what you got and who you are!
Put bluntly, pedestalizing is giving women unearned/undeserved respect, love and attention just for simply existing. You never give a woman un-deserved respect/love just for existing, respect/attention/love is earned; this also applies in marriage as well (so don't think you're in the clear either).
In other words with our simp example; he does everything he can to please a woman, yet she has zero respect for him and she doesn't reciprocate in kind. The simp believes that showering her with gifts and giving her undeserved attention is the key to her heart and she will love him for it. Healthy relationships don't work like that, that is what we call being a sucker and she will exploit that at every opportunity.
By solely defining yourself or fully devoting yourself and having that woman be your identity how are you supposed to lead the relationship? If you don't have respect for yourself and who you are; how is she supposed to respect you as the leader/patriarch?
I'm not saying don't love a woman or play hard to get (she will leave if you go overboard with this, balance is required); what I am saying is make her work for it and realize that if she isn't delivering she is replaceable as there is another woman who will gladly step up and be "your woman". This is all part of having an abundance mentality (another video topic).
My thoughts-I actually differ from MrE on this one, in that I think the Filipina is the Prize and I will link a video in the description box to a video I made about that. I have been generous with her, however I proposed to her in only 18 days and we got married 9800 miles away in the Philippines in only 54 days. We got married quickly, and I wanted to be good to her right away. In my case, I became generous to her since I was her husband, not because I was hoping to get her to love me.
Really, our respect, attention and love has grown from almost a flat-footed start on May 10 of 2015 when we got married. I have never considered my role or my behavior in our marriage to correlate with my wife’s. I don’t wait for her to reciprocate respect, love, or kindness, I lead the way and she has responded. MrE isn’t here to respond to my comments but I did want to give her “un-deserved respect/love just for existing”, in the sense that we all act unlovingly at times in our marriage, and loving anyway has a powerful effect.
Since we got married so quickly neither one of had much of an opportunity to earn anything, we were high on trust. I know what MrE means though. I just want to be clear that both my wife and I are going to blow it and need the other to overlook some of our bad moments.
MrE also stated “respect/attention/love is earned which I agree with, with respect and attention. Again, he isn’t here to go into more detail, but my definition of love comes from 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, and I believe God commands people to love, in fact, the Bible says to love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you-Matthew 5:44. This statement came from Jesus himself, who was love personified.
Maybe women do dislike a man who is “too nice” and showers her with gifts and affection in an effort to win her over. Maybe they sense some desperation or maybe even a lack of genuineness? I guess I can see that, but again, in our situation, we were quickly married and I wanted to establish the kind of husband I was going to be. I wasn’t in a situation where I showered her with gifts and such to impress her, and she resisted support at times, I believe because she wanted me to know she was a very capable woman who wasn’t looking for a handout.
MrE made the comment- “By solely defining yourself or fully devoting yourself and having that woman be your identity how are you supposed to lead the relationship? If you don't have respect for yourself and who you are; how is she supposed to respect you as the leader/patriarch?”-I certainly agree with this statement. We’re talking about pedestalizing and I agree that I as the man, the husband, am the leader of our relationship. If she senses that I am doing it as a slavish way of showing neediness, that will be a turnoff that could be taken advantage of.
By the way MrE is not talking about me, I asked him to elaborate on the idea of pedestalizing in general. To be the leader of the relationship I must have her respect, and I do want to earn it. In our case, it is by being the person I told her I would be when we got married so quickly. I needed to make it perfectly clear to her that I was not making empty promises. As a Christian, I have tried to establish our biblical roles and fulfill them. I do shower her with praise and even have a video about that I will link for you in the description box, called How to praise your Filipina wife. It comes from Proverbs 31 and the virtuous woman.
I appreciate that he said “by solely defining yourself or fully devoting yourself and having that woman be your identity, how are you supposed to lead the relationship?” Something I told my wife when I married her, was that my priorities were going to be God, her, then myself. She was not number one in my life, God was. The Bible also says to esteem others better than yourself, so she was second, and I was last.
And I don’t prioritize her higher than myself in order to “butter her up”, rather to establish that I esteem her highly, and she doesn’t have to be perfect to please me. I wanted a wife for 30 years to no avail. I could have entered March of 2015 with a very negative view of women, but by the grace of God I persevered and a couple of months later was married to a lovely Filipina, with character. Of course, my wife, knows she could take advantage of my generosity, but she hasn’t. I consider her a devoted wife and a great companion. As time goes by, I appreciate her more and more, and realize how much I need her.
MrE also concisely defined red pill, blue pill, black pill, purple pill and the brown pill. I wanted to focus a little bit on the topic of pedestalizing today. These attitudes and mentalities affect relationships, which is why I want to introduce them to my viewers, and I hope you learn something, and by all means, leave comments to this video.
I admit to wanting to be a great blessing to the woman who became my Love Beyond The Sea!