12 things I wish I knew about dating when I was younger
This one’s for the younger men. I can’t undo my past; I can’t relive it as much as I’d like to. When you get older, you have perspective that you couldn’t have had way back in the 70s like me, those were my formative years. By the 80s, I could have gotten married, but I struck out that decade. Keep doing what you’re doing and just let the video play, I’ll try not to be too long. Subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea, hit up the lvbts.com website. Have comments? Let’s hear them and remember to go where you’re wanted.
Some things never go out of style. That includes dating and marriage. I get the impression young guys want to be with young women but correct me if I’m wrong, aren’t sure exactly what to do with that? Settle down, play the field, play the field for how long? When I was younger, back when the wheel was invented, people still got married. Today, not as much or as early in life. There seems to be a lot of confusion over what the purpose of marriage is and how valuable it is. I would even say necessary it is. Here are some things I want you to know.
Good friends-How important are relationships? Should I really be married? You’re not going to get married at fifteen, but I wish I had understood that at some point, is helps to have a vision begin to form for your life, that includes your 20s. If you’re lucky, you had parents who had a good marriage going and dropped hints that one day you should have a spouse too. Parents try to lead by example, but when we’re young we don’t often readily appreciate what they are trying to do. Having people in your life to guide you, listen to you, who won’t steer you wrong is important. It factors into dating because you want people in your life to be supportive of the right things. Think carefully about who your friends will be.
Female friend-It’s great to have friends, we need that. There is a kind of special friend of the opposite sex that I think you’ll need and need for a long time, that can do for you what only they can do. You only have so much time to find her if you want to spend many decades together. I regret that I never comprehended this when I was younger. I was just doing my own thing. I wish I had thought ahead for a wife at a young age, I’m talking about teenage years now. Is it unrealistic to be encouraged to consider a relationship with a young woman as a young man? I don’t think so, but today, there are dissenting voices coming from all directions. As a wise man told me, there’s nothing better than a good woman.
Role models/mentors-I think it’s getting more difficult to find role models, people who can encourage someone to seek a relationship with a long range view in mind, and there will come a point in time when a young man will discover he is far removed from opportunities he won’t get again. There seems to be kind of a natural rhythm to life or a life span. Priorities are crucial to developing a plan for your life. If there is not some kind of intentionality, having success is unlikely to happen, in much of anything. Having a mentor or role model who can help you focus on what’s important in a relationship like marriage, is critical because they can help you focus on what’s best for your relationship, knowing how important it is to work things out. This person can challenge you to be the best husband you can be.
This video is about what I wish I knew about dating when I was younger. I just mentioned several types of relationships (who you know), now about what I wish I knew specifically back then.
Don’t waste your time-I know a lifetime seems like an eternity but it will go quicker as you get older. Try to make something of yourself. Determine what you are good at doing, how you should earn a living. I don’t believe anyone can be anything they want to be, I don’t think that’s realistic. Find out what you’re good at and pursue a job in that field. This is important because you want to provide for a wife someday right? Develop skills instead of thrills. Go to college if you can or go to a trade school but do something to help you make the most of your abilities.
Work hard at your job-This applies because I am referring to looking at your vocation, trade or profession as a means to provide for a family. Tie in your work with your family. It’s not just a place to endure for eight or nine hours a day, it becomes a place to apply yourself diligently for the good of your future and that includes your wife and your children. Be the best you can be at that job and don’t avoid working overtime. The pay is a lot better.
Learn about marriage-You don’t have to know all there is to know about marriage before you get married, read, ask people you trust whose marriages are good. Being able to stay married is a skill, a learned skill. If it was so easy there would be no divorces, but learn what it takes and learn what doesn’t work. Learn from other people’s mistakes too. I believe you can learn a lot from this channel.
Save money-Like anything else, the clock is running on how much time you have to earn a living. Learning to save, and even invest 100 dollars a month throughout your working life will help. In time you’ll want to save more. Your employer might even match a certain amount. Saving money isn’t about being materialistic, it’s about being realistic. Someday, you won’t be able to work and you might even have to stop before you want to, depending on your condition. Saving money rules out gambling, and that includes lotteries and scratch cards. Saving money also involves not wasting it, just like your time.
Giving is better than receiving-Receiving is nice but giving results in a sense of satisfaction that is greater than receiving. Often, receiving is directly involved with giving. I think relationships are like that. At some point, doing your own thing gets unrewarding. When you are married, giving results in receiving, often the very things you need the most.
Marriage is not a man-made institution-The whole concept of marriage is God’s, initiated in the Garden of Eden in Genesis 2-
20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.
But for Adam[f] no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[g] and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[h] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
That was a lot longer ago than you might find in a text book for the first recorded marriage, but there it is, from the first recorded man and woman. The reason I mention this, is because when it first dawned on me that the Bible spoke so frankly on marital or relationship issues, I understood that it was much more than a spiritual book only. The more I read the more I saw that since God made marriage, he could also decide who needs it and who doesn’t. I Corinthians 7 makes that clear. Since marriage is God’s idea, he has the blue print for how to make it work. If I believed marriage was merely a man-made institution, I would not get married.
Life isn’t always fair-Or to put it another way, since life isn’t always fair, a marriage might not be fair either. It is going to take some effort, the right perspective, which I try to talk about in Love Beyond The Sea. Since marriage is God’s idea, I think it needs to be approached the way he teaches. As a Christian, I must rely on God to be the type of husband he wants me to be. People cheat, that doesn’t mean that marriage is no longer a good idea; it is and will always be. A spouse may get sick, injured or die. Life isn’t always fair.
Dating should lead to marriage-I know, I know, this might be a new one. I’ve heard dating should just be for fun, but if I believed that dating was just for fun, I know exactly what kind of fun I would want to have and how much I would sell out to get it. I think it is unrealistic to just date for fun unless you have no physical attraction to that person, in which case you might not want to date them. Leave comments remember, maybe you disagree with me on this.
It’s okay to do what isn’t popular-Many years ago I wouldn’t have to say this, but these days marriage isn’t as in vogue as it used to be. Don’t pay attention to people labeling themselves as MGTOWs, (Men going their own way). They aren’t going anywhere, they aren’t doing what men do, and they’re not going to be fulfilled at the end of their life. Don’t sign up for that. Don’t be a pick up artist, don’t be a player. Be a man who values marriage as the means to the most fulfilling life. I didn’t say easy, I said fulfilling, satisfying.
Marriage is the goal because it is for companionship, safe sex, the best sex, for having children, for leaving a legacy by instilling the right values. I’m one of the lucky ones, although I’m not a fan of the idea of luck. As you my or may not know, I didn’t get married until I was 53. I knew it was the right thing to pursue and I relentlessly pursued it. There were times I think people tried to make me accept being single; tried to talk me out of marriage (see the playlist called Cringeworthy things said to Single Christian Men).
We can’t undo mistakes, but we can learn from them. I was able to do that and eventually find my Love Beyond The Sea.