Get Married? Says Who? Whose Idea is Marriage?
Since I talk about making marriage great again and that this is a channel rated 4M for Mature Marriage-Minded Men only, I thought I should go over the fundamentals of who exactly is married and talk about why you should get married as most people need to. Subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea where I detail what I’ve learned in six years of marriage to an amazing woman I married in less than eight weeks. Is our marriage valid since we got married so quickly? Some people are aghast at Fil-West marriages, like we are doing something wrong. Since it may be out of the norm, does than invalidate it?
There are people who talk like they are married even though they certainly are not married. They have been dating someone for a while and since they feel safe, they might even call each other a spouse or a husband or a wife, but this is a mistake. In a previous video called What Makes Someone Married? Why Get Married? I used an article from gotquestions.org to talk about what officially is needed for someone to be considered married. Today will be about what or who determines if someone is married. I happen to think people who are living together without marriage are not married due to the reality they can pack up and leave for someone better at any time and owe the other absolutely nothing. That doesn’t sound like marriage to me. As you will see, there are also instances where someone might consider themselves married and might even be legally married, yet not in reality. It never used to be this complicated, and in this upload, I want to try to make it clearer.
On June 26, 2015, the United States Supreme Court issued a ruling legalizing gay marriage. Across the Atlantic, in mid-July 2013, the Queen of England signed into law “The Marriage Bill,” which allows same-sex couples to marry legally. Around the world, at least fifteen other nations have legalized marriage between same-sex partners. Obviously, the societal definition of marriage is changing. But is it the right of a government to redefine marriage, or has the definition of marriage already been set by a higher authority?
In Genesis chapter 2, God declares it is not good for Adam (the first man) to live alone. All the animals are there, but none of them are a suitable partner for Adam. God, therefore, in a special act of creation, makes a woman. Just a few verses later, the woman is called “his wife” (Genesis 2:25). Eden was the scene of the first marriage, ordained by God Himself. The author of Genesis then records the standard by which all future marriages are defined: “A man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).
This passage of Scripture gives several points for understanding God’s design for marriage. First, marriage involves a man and a woman. The Hebrew word for “wife” is gender-specific; it cannot mean anything other than “a woman.” There is no passage in Scripture that mentions a marriage involving anything other than a man and a woman. It is impossible for a family to form or human reproduction to take place asexually. Since God ordained sex to only take place between a married couple, it follows that God’s design is for the family unit to be formed when a man and woman come together in a sexual relationship and have children.
The second principle from Genesis 2 about God’s design for marriage is that marriage is intended to last for a lifetime. Verse 24 says the two become “one flesh.” Eve was taken from Adam’s side, and so she was literally one flesh with Adam. Her very substance was formed from Adam instead of from the ground. Every marriage thereafter is intended to reflect the unity shared by Adam and Eve. Because their bond was “in the flesh,” they were together forever. There was no escape clause written into the first marriage that allowed for the two to separate. That is to say that God designed marriage for life. When a man and a woman make a commitment to marry, they “become one flesh,” and that is why they say, “Till death do us part.”
A third principle from this passage about God’s design for marriage is monogamy. The Hebrew words for “man” and “wife” are singular and do not allow for multiple wives. Even though some people in Scripture did have multiple wives, it is clear from the creation account that God’s design for marriage was one man and one woman. Jesus emphasized this principle when He appealed to the Genesis account to counter the idea of easy divorce (Matthew 19:4—6).
It should come as no surprise that the world desires to change what God has instituted. “The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so” (Romans 8:7). Though the world is attempting to provide their own definitions for what they call “marriage,” the Bible still stands. The clear definition of marriage is the union of one man and one woman for life.
In Genesis 2:18, we read of the one thing that was not declared “good” in all of God’s creation: “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone.’” The same verse includes God’s solution: “I will make him a helper fit for him.” Eve was the solution to Adam’s deficiency.
Two Hebrew terms in this verse provide important information to better understand the creation of Eve as the first woman. The word translated “helper” is the Hebrew term ‘ezer. This word is even used of God, sometimes, noting that He is our Helper (Psalm 115:9-11). We would certainly not view God, as a Helper, as subservient to humans, nor should we understand the role of “helper” in Genesis 2:18 as a position of subservience. The concept of an “ideal partner” seems to convey the thought best.
The second important Hebrew word in this verse, translated “fit” is kenegdow. It literally means “according to the opposite of him.” In other words, the focus is on an appropriate match. Eve was not created above or below Adam; she was complementary. The animals Adam had named each had an appropriate companion (Genesis 2:20), and Adam was given a fitting companion as well. Eve was “just right” for him.
Further, God’s statement that it was not good for man to be alone implies that Adam was lonely and incomplete by himself. He had been created for relationship, and it is impossible to have relationship alone. With the creation of Eve, Adam experienced the joy of love for another person.
The Bible is unique in its depiction of women’s valued status as a complementary companion. No other ancient text from the Middle East offers commentary on the creation of women. It is in the Bible that we learn of the important role women have had since the beginning of human existence. Both man and woman were made in God’s image, according to Genesis 1:27, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”
The apostle Paul refers to Genesis when he says, “A man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31). Husband and wife are to live as one, united in love for God and for one another, modeling the love Christ has for His bride, the Church. (end of article)
I am sure some are bothered by the reference to man’s loneliness and incompleteness but that’s just the way it is. If you are someone who needs to be married, then you will feel the weight of this burden of being alone. No companionship, no intimacy, no sex with someone willing to be with you for better or for worse, for life. Commitment.
I got married in 2015 in the Philippines. I had to go where I was wanted and it only took less than eight weeks of knowing her after both of us had signed up on the dating site Christian Filipina. We have been married for six years. I can’t imagine not having this woman in my life. I support her endeavors and have pledged my love and devotion to her until I die. I was alone, I know what that is like and I now know what it is like to eagerly await her coming home from work and spending the rest of the day together and even planning trips together. I definitely feel like we are one.
I definitely fit the description of being alone and if you do too, start looking for a woman to marry, if you have sort of given up, start looking again. People living together don’t usually seem to end up lifetime partners. If you want a lifetime partner, look for an imperfect woman but one you can be compatible with, to marry. Marriage is monogamous and having one spouse is enough work! The One who decides how to define marriage is the One who decides how to live within that marriage. I am just glad my marriage is legit with my love beyond the sea.