Podcast Episode 89: Social Media, Sex and Your Own Space Fil-Am Marriage tips
Social Media-A source of conflict early on was her use of social media. I have no problem with her using Facebook for example, but she tended to spend a lot of time with it. To her credit, she decided to not use her phone for that when we used to have break together at work (we sat together). I like to use YouTube and Google a lot, so I can relate.
She can work 12-hour days then spend three hours on Facebook while we are in bed. When she arrived in America in January of 2016, I remember us falling asleep together, and I got used to that because I love it. I look forward to the nights we fall asleep cheek to cheek holding hands! Over time she started to look at Facebook when we went to bed and I felt ignored. IF your wife does this, I could see where you might get angry with her. Fortunately, as much as this irritated me, I never got ballistic or anything like that. I gently or more firmly let her know that I was feeling ignored sometimes and she apologized. This could have been the source for a big blow up but it did not happen. Here is how I dealt with this: I understood how much it meant to her to keep up with family and friends. I understood how much she enjoyed looking at videos. I relish the internet too. She doesn’t bother me about my internet use, so I didn’t want to bother her. I calmly described to her how I felt when I felt ignored.
I started showing an interest in her family when she was on Skype with them. I started showing an interest in what she was looking at. Behind closed doors-Sex is obviously important in a marriage. This kind of intimacy is crucial in my opinion, for a good marriage. This is such an important area to not struggle with. Interest will be higher and lower for each of you at different times for whatever reasons. You should discuss this during your marriage so both of you know exactly what the other wants. As with rules for who to marry, the Bible is fairly silent on what to do too. It comes down to doing what pleases your spouse and there are no rules. This time is for the married couple to do whatever they want! In fairness, a younger wife has more capacity for intimacy than you do, if there is a large age gap. The Bible’s command is that sex is for the OTHER person, that we don’t have power over our own bodies, our spouse does. As special as intimacy is in a marriage it sure can be involved in the most discouragement. Some people laugh at the idea of talking about when to have it, or to agree to have it on certain days but I think it is absolutely wise to communicate. Some times are just not good times due to fatigue or being upset or having a bad day at work or just feeling tired.
I don’t think good sex is going to just happen, I do believe you have to be smart about the timing and frequency. I don’t think that takes away from romance or desire. It is not automatic as some people seem to think. It has been said that a healthy sexual relationship is the barometer of a healthy marriage. I don’t intend to dissect every word of that, but I want to say that it should be a goal of each spouse to have a good sexual relationship. This is where self-control, communication and unselfishness factor in. We must avoid conflict here. Like with her Facebook use, I had to learn how to deal with this by: Not pressuring her to do it. Calmly explaining my need or desire for it, even how often a week. Not expecting or demanding what I wanted. Being understanding when she says she is too tired. Always wanting her to be satisfied, even if I am not. Her needs come first.
Telling her how much I appreciate her sex. Now I whisper thank you when we are done. If she knows that I want to give up my life for her, make her dreams come true, help her family, support her helping her family, compliment her often, sacrifice for her, that helps her to be receptive. When we come together, it will be a by-product of how we treat each other and this should be great incentive to not force her. Reminding ourselves that the Bible says our bodies belong to each other, the Bible says “the husband has not power over his own body, but the wife…render unto each other the due benevolence.” This is NOT the way the world thinks and is a good thing to know before marrying her.
Listen to the podcast for more things to consider to smooth over tensions in your marriage to a Filipina, or any woman for that matter.
Intro & Outro
Night In Venice by Kevin MacLeod Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/5763-night-in-venice
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Smooth Lovin by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4379-smooth-lovin
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/