Positivity is Needed From You for Your Filipina Wife
One of the many ways a husband can effectively lead his wife is by his positivity, not being negative. Be careful of always pointing out obstacles; find solutions. Comments are welcome!
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Obviously focusing on the positive in a relationship is more helpful than focusing on the negative but when we are upset or feel wronged, we tend to dwell on the negative. As the leader of the home, I want to be positive, and this isn’t easy. I tend to be perfectionistic, in fact, virtually everyone in my family is that way. You know what I mean, something is never good enough, have got to do it better etc. I can see how this can damage a relationship.
Comments are always welcome, let me know your experience with being positive with your Filipina. If I want my relationship with Aiza to work, I have to take the lead and be positive. I do not mean to say be unrealistic. She will feel loved when I am positive, for example-
Praising her for how she is adjusting to your country as she progresses. Complimenting her on anything and everything, this reinforces her behavior. When she misses home, remind her she can visit there. Encouraging her to continue education in something if she wants to do that like my wife. Let her know you believe you can work through any issue together. If she is down on herself, reassure her. If she is struggling with something, tell her she can do it, and be patient.
When my wife was trying to adjust to working in America, she would tell me what her struggles were. That was a golden opportunity for me to let her know that she was talented, bright and skilled, with a great attitude and work ethic. I told her she is what all supervisors wish they had more of. I enjoy reminding her of her strong suits because I want to build her up. Who else is going to do that if I don’t?
Sometimes being patient shows positivity. Give her time to learn and grow. I have always tried to encourage her at her job because she has picked things up very quickly but since being in the country has been a new experience for her, she has sometimes naturally lacked some confidence, but I can see her potential and I try to encourage her development at work, and now, going to school. I try to compliment her when I see her do anything well, and express to her often that I love her, not because she has earned it, but because I always will.
Sometimes she feels like I am not always positive, but I feel like I am just being realistic and want her to fully understand what she is getting into. Homework and studying for school has taken up a lot more time than we anticipated and this is not the time for me to be negative because I need to help encourage her to keep plugging away and try to give her the space she needs to do it. I still need to explain I need her too, but I get that this is a tough chore and I want to be as encouraging as I can be.
There is something to be said for not being negative too. If you are hard to please, then that would be discouraging to her. Celebrate big and small accomplishments and most accomplishments in our relationships will be small but who gets tired of compliments. It also reinforces to her that her husband cares enough to notice how she is doing.