Long Distance Relationships

Be Careful of Extreme Emotions in a LDR

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Have you ever been involved in a long-distance relationship? I have and it’s a surreal and exciting situation, I committed to marrying my wife from the Philippines before I met her in person. There are some things to keep in mind to not let your emotions get the best of you. Subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea, familiarize yourself with lvbts.com and the Community Corner, and let me hear your concerns about all the euphoria that surrounds a long-distance relationship. Go where you’re wanted; a LDR might be just what you need.

Was I guilty of letting my emotions get the better of me? We’ve been married since 2015 so keep that in mind. What are some emotions involved with communicating with a woman from another state or even another country? I will list many and offer a solution, keep watching and you’ll see what I mean. These are basically in no particular order, just scattering them out here.

Love-I’ll start with this one, and admit that it will play out over time if love is really there. I had been alone for a very long time and was desperate to give and receive love, so to me, love is a choice, a decision to do what’s best for the other person. I pledged that to my Amazing Aiza, now I live it out.

You might need to experience this to relate to what I’m saying, again please leave comments, this isn’t something people like to talk about. We’d rather ride the high of emotions instead of be introspective. The solution is to talk to others you trust who might be able to help you slow down your emotions. It also helps to remind yourself what love really is, and that is a decision, a choice to bless someone else, something you do whether you feel like it or not. One day, if you marry this person, you will need to do that a lot.

I think it is reasonable one will experience the emotion of being in love a little more than the other person which can lead to-

Doubt-You might question if the other person’s love matches yours. This is less of a problem when your focus is on being good to the other person. Doubting if the other person’s love matches yours could cause you to have second thoughts about the relationship. You might even doubt yourself for being so enamored with a woman far away that you may not have met in person yet. Experiencing doubt can stall the relationship.

I’m telling you from experience, and you know from watching shows like 90-Day Fiancé that conversing and relating to someone from the other side of the world is exhilarating, captivating and an out of the ordinary experience. This can cause eventual doubt about the validity of the relationship. The solution is again to share your experiences, to confide in a trustworthy person who knows you enough to help cool your jets if you’re getting too emotionally involved too soon.

I talked my relationship over with my pastor at church to make sure I wasn’t getting too far ahead of myself, even though we got married in only 54 days. I was sure I would commit to my wife, but I still needed some direction.

Excitement-Just general great anticipation from day to day to chat with this person, do webcams with the person that you might end up marrying. Seeing some progress is very exciting and you could get carried away with your thoughts for the future. The solution is to try to enjoy it day by day, don’t be afraid to share your thoughts, feelings, beliefs and experiences with a trusted advisor or friend. There is a danger in all this excitement however-

It can cause you to misevaluate, to overlook some important details. When you want something so badly, like to be in love and to have a future with a woman, you might be tempted to overlook some things about her in order to keep that high going. It might be a reluctance to ask about her past, to talk about a behavior that you think could be a problem later, and you might overlook how prepared you are for a commitment to her, especially when you don’t know her well yet.

Jealousy/Possessiveness-When you want something so bad, maybe like my situation, you’ve been alone a long time, finally seemingly having someone to chat with and meet with regularly can cause a feeling of possessiveness because you don’t want to lose this person. You might feel that they are the only person on earth you could marry and you better not let them get away or let someone else intrude and take her away.

You might start to feel like this person belongs to you after you made the effort to reach them from so far away and you have something going. The solution is to be aware that until there is a proposal and a wedding, she is available to someone else, and so are you. No one belongs to someone like they’re a slave. If you want someone to be with you every day, you need to marry them after carefully thinking through the relationship.

Anger-Have you considered that anger could factor in? This can happen when a few webcam sessions are missed, or they tell you other men have contacted her or she says she has been busy. If you are contacting a woman from another country, there could be some communication mix ups which could lead to outbursts of anger. Doing a lot of texting or messaging can create some confusion about the true nature of the emotions being expressed. We might read into the message emotions that are not there. The solution is to not be possessive, to realize you still need to learn much about each other and be realistic that no relationship is a utopia.

Depression-Depression can happen if there is a long gap in communication or if after awhile the relationship comes to an end. The solution is to allow yourself to heal and get back in the saddle with another woman after evaluating what you can learn from the recent one.

Optimism-When you’ve heard how others have met online in a LDR and it is working out okay, you’re bound to be optimistic and there’s nothing wrong with that; it’s normal and healthy. You just might be on the verge of finding a wife. See my videos on questions to ask that are in the Communication playlist to further evaluate the potential of the relationship.

Tension with others-You might find others prying into your relationship, being teased a lot, and hear comments that might be in jest or might be serious. Others might reveal jealousy by criticizing you for having what they want. Family members might question your sanity. Someone might interject their unsolicited opinion. The solution is to accept this, pretty much expect it, and just forge ahead concentrating on your LDR.

Anxiety-Try not to worry about if the relationship is going to work out or not, all you can do is work at it and see where it leads. Deal with situations as they arise. It isn’t do or die. Confide in someone who knows you and you trust to keep you focused. Being anxious can lead to poor decisions being made. Pray for wisdom and discernment throughout the process of the relationship.

Pressure-You might feel pressure if you feel like they might be slipping away or you might have to start over with someone else. You could feel pressure to not know what to say or when to propose or if to propose. If you begin to be overwhelmed then it’s time to take a step back and evaluate where the pressure is coming from.

Loneliness-Loneliness is possible if the person you are used to communicating with is gone for an extended time. With all the excitement and euphoria at the outset, anything resembling normalcy would be a letdown but the woman you are contacting may have a job and other interests and unexpected things happen. The solution is to not relinquish other friendships you have in your life, while you attempt to build a LDR.

I can see emotions reaching very high levels in a LDR. On top of all I’ve mentioned, there is the ongoing issue of trust. Do you trust her? Do you trust your evaluation of the relationship? Do you trust your judgment? No one wants to lay it all on the line only to be rejected, but that is just part of life and trying to establish a relationship with someone.

A LDR is risky business, no doubt about it but risk is part of living. See my live stream called What risks are you taking in the Philippines? This gives further insight into risks someone deals with in my case when relating to a woman from the Philippines.

The best decisions made are the ones without pressure and the time to think them through. Before you outlay a lot of money and plane flights and get yourself worked up, keep your emotions in check. You need to stay as balanced as you can when looking for Love Beyond The Sea.

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