I think the marriage should be the primary concern of each couple, even more important than the children and that’s not to say the children aren’t important. I believe the marriage comes before anything else and must be protected at all costs.
However, what he is advocating here is not getting so lost in the marriage that there is no allowance for other interests such as hobbies you’ve always had and learning and helping others. I love my wife but she’s not always going to be available. I enjoy making videos for YouTube. It’s just that being married calls for a redistribution of time devoted to your interests. I need to encourage my wife to have hobbies, to have friends, and to keep up with her family in the Philippines. She has not hindered me from having interests so this is one area I think we’ve done well in. We’ve been married for four years and five months and while the first two years I expected to be the most difficult, situations still come up now and then where we are challenged. If I expected my wife to always agree with me on everything and to always be available to tend to my every need, that would eventually suffocate her with inordinate and unreasonable responsibility.
I love my Filipina wife and think very highly of her, as you know, but one thing I’ve learned is she is as human as I am and will always be. That’s certainly one good way to not heap unrealistic hopes on her. I don’t need to harp on her shortcomings and I shouldn’t compare her to others and I shouldn’t compare her to perfection. In fact, I have a video called My Filipina Wife is Close Enough to Perfect for me. I will link that in the description box along with Falling More in Love with my Filipina Wife.
There are times I consult with my pastor at church when I feel like I need a sounding board and good advice and I have always asked my wife to do the same with a wise woman and this is something I pray for. I shouldn’t smother my Filipina because it will hurt her growth in our marriage. The first year, she had to rely on me a lot of course because she was in a new country and culture and since we got married very quickly (54 days) the first two years were going to be heavy on getting to know each other. But in years three and four I realized that I need to allow her more freedom to work more hours and manage the money she earns.
I don’t think my wife expects me to be everything to her, she is an independent woman in that she is able to work the hours she does and respond to me. If we worked the same hours then we’d have more potential time together and maybe that can still happen. No person can meet all our needs, only God can take care of us in certain ways.
My wife can do some things for me and I for her, but we must know that only God can be completely trustworthy, albeit mysterious in His ways. I am to protect her and provide for her, while I need her companionship, intimacy and touch.
There are times that I have to tell myself that if she is doing what I married her for, then I need to be cautious to not let my expectations get out of hand.