Relationship Advice

Is My Fil-Am Marriage What I Thought It Would Be? Expectations vs Reality

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While I have made a video about how my marriage to a Filipina has been easier than I might have expected, this one is about the general idea of whether or not it has been the way I thought it would be. Please subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea for videos to help a foreign man interested in a Filipina all the way to marrying her and after that. I cover the whole gamut. Comments are welcomed and please get notifications for future videos. I am sure someone will see this that is curious about marrying a woman from the Philippines, even a younger one. They have heard about other men marrying Filipinas and wonder if it could be for real, if it could happen for them. It did for me. I want to make marriage great again, and that includes for you.

Other than the reason Filipinas are beautiful and feminine and like it that way, I had heard now and then how they make good wives. Hmmm, that’s what I was looking for but had not been able to find someone. I had not considered going so far away to look for a wife and considered 50 miles my limit since I wanted to be able to spend a lot of time with them. However, I wanted this “good wife’ they talked about. I married a Filipina in May of 2015, although I only started to seriously look for them about that time. Let me compare my expectations with reality.

Family culture-Marrying someone from a different culture would be different than I was used to, but it hasn’t been that different. About the only difference has been she spends ample time chatting with family back home, as she should. Since I understand why this would be, that is fine, I’m good with that.

I can’t think of any other way the culture itself has been an issue, but if we considered my wife helping her family so much by working here a cultural thing, that wouldn’t have been a surprise to me. What would be a surprise is that I have fallen in love with her family and want to help so much myself. Simply marrying a woman from the Philippines by itself has been what I thought it would be or better, I wasn’t expecting trouble, but thought there would be some adjustments for both of us to make. I have not had to become a different person with her, I have been able to just be myself. My wife being from another culture hasn’t changed anything over here in the United States, other than I have added karaoke to my experiences. If you dare, you can see some of that in the playlist called Just Us. That is where the two of us can be seen together and there are about 200 videos there now so that is quite a few.

Age Gap-I was very curious about this. I had gone thirty years without so much as a dating relationship, so I would have wondered how this would go had I married a same-age woman here in the United States not to mention someone 27 years younger.

What would the intimacy be like? How would I treat a younger woman? Would she want to be intimate with me? How would she respond in public to being married to an older man? What would she tell her friends? How would other women treat her? What would be the response of people that know me? There is much appeal in marrying a younger woman but I wonder how many men think about things like I mentioned that go hand in hand with an age gap?

There doesn’t seem to be a stigma among Filipinas that actually marry an older foreigner as they are likely mature enough to know what they are getting into. It’s not like they can’t talk to other Filipinas who have older husbands. My wife will defer questions about my age back to me, and no one has taken her up on that! Socially speaking, my wife and I have spent time visiting other Fil-Am couples and non-Fil-Am couples, where the age difference hasn’t been a reason for anyone to be uncomfortable.

She has been embraced by my family, my friends, and my church. Perhaps people are intrigued by us because it is unusual but I have not gotten the impression anyone thinks of me as a cradle robber. I have great respect and admiration for my wife. I will link the playlist I have for having a younger wife in the description box. I don’t make a big deal about this but from time to time, will comment since I know the age gap issue is on the minds of many foreign men. I have 26 videos in that playlist for you. I don’t think I consider my wife younger, at least not consciously, she is my wife, my best friend, my life companion. She is almost 33 now, incredible since she was 26 when me married. That is really hard to believe. Guys, make the most of your time. It waits for no one.

Short dating and engagement/quick marriage-There is a reason most men don’t marry someone from another country in only 54 days, yet, my wife accepted my proposal with the trust that we would take our marriage seriously and continue to get to know each other after marriage. I wanted a Christian woman, that was the only must have on my list. Obviously, I wanted a woman I was attracted to, that goes without saying.

What has surprised me was how well my wife and I got along right from the start, in person. I have always felt very comfortable and relaxed with her. After being alone for so long, I wondered if I would feel awkward with meeting someone that I was committed to marry that I hadn’t even met in person yet, however there was no nervousness. I think we are very happy with our marriage.

People have known each other for years, then got married and it didn’t work out. So, the key isn’t how long you’ve known each other or all of the knowledge you’ve acquired about each other. I wanted a Christian woman, she wanted a Christian man, we got married. I had all those years being single to work on knowing what is required to be a good husband, then I finally got the chance to use it, so I didn’t feel unprepared for marriage, I just lacked experience in dating, and as it turned out, I didn’t need it.

I am very committed to my Filipina wife and want to do everything I can to protect her, provide for her, and make her dreams come true. I have found this to be a very rewarding mindset. I guess I could say that I am surprised there haven’t been any unpleasant discoveries, ones that would make me regret marrying her so soon. She is the woman I thought she was, only better! We have worked through the usual tussles you will experience in a marriage. Sometimes, nothing comes easy as you are in new situations together, other times it goes smoothly. What else is new?

Home life-What would it be like at home after being alone for so long? What would we do together? Would we argue about stupid things? How would we deal with generational gap differences? How would we divide the household chores? Would I lose my temper a lot? Would we argue about money and so on.

My wife prides herself in being a good cook and keeping a clean, neat, organized house. Every single place in it, even the CR or bathrooms. We both like an organized place to live. Any man and woman living under the same roof are going to experience disagreements, say things they shouldn’t say once in a while, need to ask forgiveness and to forgive the other person. We haven’t been immune to that.

I am pleased that we have learned to make up relatively quickly. We haven’t had quarrels that go on for days, or long periods of Tampo. I will include a video about that for you that explains the best way to handle “the silent treatment”. We hate it when we are at odds with each other. It is normal to expect to argue about stupid stuff initially, as we get used to being around each other and try to live in harmony. I believe we have grown together over the time we have been married, grown closer, not grown apart. I pray regularly for her and for our marriage and for me to be a good husband and I enjoy praying for her with her.

I allow my wife to spend as much time as she needs on Facebook or Messenger with her family. We watch movies together; we have done some travelling. I am in my second year of retirement. That gives me more time to work on this channel. Our home life is good. My wife works full-time and has made a quick impression here as an employee and gotten some promotions, for which I am very proud of her! Now she has added school which is basically full-time too. I must remember she may live a long time after I am gone. Just today she got her car title in the mail as she paid off her new SUV from four years ago. She needs to pursue what is important to her. I will add a link to a couple of playlists I have called Help for Harmony and Laying the Foundation of your Marriage to a Filipina.

Very long-distance relationship-This is another area I had no previous experience in and it didn’t last very long. When I married her so fast I wasn’t thinking about the long immigration process, although a quicker marriage makes for a faster reunion and the start of your lives together. The use of Skype and Viber helped me to be able to decide to propose to her in only 18 days, because it allowed us to focus on getting to know each other in a more condensed, intentional way.

If I had been dating someone from America, it is possible the process would have gone much slower, partly due to that’s just the way it tends to work here, and because we could do more things together, which would only serve to focus on enjoying our time together, avoiding any potentially negative conversation. When communicating from so far away, I used that time to start out expressing why I needed a wife, what kind of woman I was looking for and an idea of what being married to me would be like.

When a guy joins an international dating site, one requiring a paid membership, he isn’t on there to pass the time. Probably unlike the American dating sites that I had tried, the Filipinas were serious about meeting someone to marry them. This, coupled with not being able to be shoulder to shoulder with the Filipinas, made for a more serious attempt to find a wife. We weren’t able to go on dates and avoid causing conflict by being ourselves and the fear of being serious about marriage too soon, and scaring the other away. We got down to “business” quickly and I had a lot to do with that since the guy should manage the pace of the relationship. I was aggressive, she didn’t mind.

You may never know everything about your wife before you get married. Anyone is going to only reveal what they are comfortable with at the time. A VLDR can take more time or less time that a domestic one, and it can get you together more quickly if you approach it seriously. Filipinas want to get married. Young guys saying they can’t find women today aren’t looking in the right place.

Marriage has been better than I expected as I didn’t expect to feel so strongly about her, with that feeling growing during our marriage. The relationship should continue to develop AFTER marriage; that is just the start of a different stage. I mean, I really love my Amazing Aiza. When your best friend is your wife, you have the best of life. I am glad I didn’t give up.

I will link the playlist called Christian Filipina which contains a lot of videos about dating a Filipina.

I have to admit being married has been even better than I thought it might be, with my love beyond the sea.

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