I want to talk about something I think will be of great help to anyone who desires to pursue a Filipina or who is married to one. I get the idea this is something that needs to be talked about more. Please subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea for helpful perspectives on foreigner and Filipina relationships and today, perspective is what it’s all about. Podcasts are on Casting Beyond The Sea you can subscribe to on Podbean, and my website is lvbts.com.
In fact, this might be the most important thing the man can do, and it isn’t back breaking work, just simply to see your relationship with her from her perspective. In order to do that, you’ll need to be familiar with the Philippines in general and talk to your Filipina about certain things. For those who are serious about marrying a Filipina, I want you to listen to all of this.
I have talked to people or read their comments and have gotten the impression they are merely going to marry a young woman from the Philippines, rescuing her from the poverty she might be surrounded by, whisk her off to his country and that in itself will provide for her a great life. If only it were that simple. Granted she might have grown up poor, she might not have met a good man yet, she’d like to make something of her college degree and want to help her family, however, it is a major leap from that to she will marry a foreigner and all will be well. Here are my 7 perspectives of your Filipina you’ll need to know.
Her family is number 1-This is not meant to dissuade anyone from seeking a Filipina to marry. I married one in May of 2015 and love that woman dearly, and she has been so good to me and for me. When me met on a dating site called Christian Filipina, not eight weeks went by and we were married, and I can tell you that most of that time was spent communicating with her, not getting a feel for things on the internet about Filipinas and the Philippines. Since marriage, I have been able to do the usual research and it may have been a blessing or at least a positive that I went into it kind of “blind”. I certainly didn’t go into it scared or timid.
I think for most of us, this is the key issue for the foreign man. He is used to asking someone out that is likely not poor, and he wouldn’t want her to be. He woos her, charms her, proposes and they get married and live in the same area of the country where they have relatively easy access to family and friends. There are the usual adjustments to marriage but nothing out of the ordinary for either one. I’m not sure much of this applies in an international venture.
Since many guys want to marry a younger woman, they will have to go outside their country for that. But that’s where the dynamics change. The lovely Filipina you desire to be with someday has a reputation for working overseas to help her family manage, and she will marry overseas to help her family. She is not marrying the foreigner because he is the sexiest man alive, she isn’t marrying him because he is the smartest man alive. She will look for someone she thinks is kind and a good person, but she must take care of her family.
This may sting for a while but that’s ok. I am sure from her perspective, she doesn’t know what all the fuss is about, and I strongly suggest that you do the same. I think it is unreasonable for her to marry someone from a zillion miles away and NOT feel like she is going to be able to provide for her family, likely she has been doing this awhile.
All it took was one trip to the Philippines to fully comprehend how important this was to Filipinas. The older foreigner should be extremely grateful the dynamics are what they are. If I was so wonderful in the eyes of women, I wouldn’t have gone thirty years without a relationship. Whatever THEY were looking for, it wasn’t me. They didn’t think I could give them what they needed. Guess not, but I am glad they thought that way because the Filipina that I married so quickly has made me a very happy man, but that is because I don’t resist the notion that she married a foreigner so she could work in a country to make more money for her family.
Here is what the foreign man needs to realize, the Filipina is not stupid, she doesn’t want to involve herself with someone who will make her unhappy. She assumes he is decent enough and worth the risk of marrying him. She doesn’t think he is a fool; she thinks he can be a good husband to her. I am too busy enjoying my marriage to keep looking over my shoulder, wondering if she married me for an opportunity for her family or for that plus finding a man that is worth going all that distance for. Once we got married, we need to live like we are married.
She might not want your financial help-He shouldn’t even assume she wants him to help her. She may have been used to providing all by herself and assumes you will allow her to work fulltime and then some in order to even better provide for her family. If you don’t want her to work a lot of hours or not at all then it is important to cover this before getting too serious. Some men could afford to provide all the help themselves but the Filipina might not want that. In our case, I have helped because I want to, I love her family too, but my wife insists on doing the bulk of this.
She is taking a risk-The Filipina is taking a huge risk and I for one, recognize that and appreciate that she is taking it with me. I know there is a lot of sentiment that the foreign man is taking a ton of risk but let’s not forget what the Filipina is getting herself into. Many westerners beat their Filipinas; they are concerned about that. When a Filipina goes to the mandatory Conference for Filipinos overseas, they will be provided information about what to do in the event of domestic abuse; how she can get help.
They also can’t be too sure of what kind of man she is marrying when they have not had a whole lot of time to spend together, in person, working through difficult situations together. She is moving thousands of miles away into a different culture. Frankly, I am amazed how well my wife has adjusted. Learning to drive, getting a job, getting promoted, going to school, taking great care of our house and me.
She dislikes the poverty but loves the Philippines-It isn’t realistic to think that just because she has grown up in a poor country that she is miserable. As is always pointed out, Filipinos in general come off as happy and pleasant, and resourceful. One of the ways of being resourceful is to work overseas and even marry overseas. My wife is always elated to visit the Philippines which makes me want to go with her. As an American, I might conclude that she is miserable in what we would consider poor conditions, but I don’t think that is always the case with a Filipina.
She may be unsure if the foreigner will be trustworthy-The Filipina can only hope the foreign man has done enough for her to trust him while they have been dating online.
She may be unsure if the foreigner will abuse her-Physical abuse is something the Philippines warns Filipinos who are leaving the country. It can happen at work and it can happen with her husband. This is a real concern for her. This is a shameful reality, but too many times Filipinas have been mistreated. Many westerners beat their Filipinas; they are concerned about that. When a Filipina goes to the mandatory Conference for Filipinos overseas, they will be provided information about what to do in the event of domestic abuse; how she can get help.
She may want to speak to your family and friends-Consider this a good sign and don’t be afraid of it. My wife wanted to speak with my pastor and family. That to me shows she is serious about making sure she makes a good decision if she were to marry a foreigner.
Honestly, for your own good, see life through your Filipina’s perspective and you will save yourself a lot of sorrows with your love beyond the sea.