Relationship Advice

What is a Real Man?

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Since I talk so often about the need for a man to marry a woman, and the types of behaviors that make a marriage work and qualities that women want in a husband, I thought I should make a video about the definition of a man. What is a real man? These days people are confused about what a male or a female is, but what about what makes a man? Can someone be a male who lacks male virtues? I think being a man goes beyond your DNA.

Please subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea, a channel for mature marriage-minded men. I am sure this upload will rankle some guys but we might as well talk about masculinity. Do you have examples in your life about real masculinity? Please leave a comment if there is something you want to say. I will start with some quotes from

Man is the only creature who refuses to be what he is.” – Albert Camus

The real man is one who always finds excuses for others, but never excuses himself.” – Henry Ward Beecher

We do not admire the man of timid peace. We admire the man who embodies victorious effort; the man who never wrongs his neighbor, who is prompt to help a friend, but who has those virile qualities necessary to win in the stern strife of actual life. ” – Theodore Roosevelt

A man does what he must — in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers, and pressures — and that is the basis of all human morality.” – John Kennedy

Part of being a man is learning to take responsibility for your successes and for your failures. You can’t go blaming others or being jealous. Seeing somebody else’s success as your failure is a cancerous way to live.”  – Kevin Bacon

Big jobs usually go to the men who prove their ability to outgrow small ones. – Theodore Roosevelt

I like that one. It makes me think of transitioning from being single to being married. Marriage is a “bigger job”. Any selfishness, vice, lack of vision etc. is going to become a problem in marriage. That’s why it is so important to be honest with yourself about your strengths and weaknesses when you get married. She needs to not have inflated expectations of you. We are all prone to weakness at times and so will she. Marriage is a big step up, but I think the most rewarding one.

Because there is very little honor left in American life, there is a certain built-in tendency to destroy masculinity in American men.” – Norman Mailer.

Do you get that impression too? A few years ago I remember getting sick and tired of seeing men portrayed in commercials and television shows as dufuses.

The stronger a man is, the more gentle he can afford to be.” – Elbert Hubbard

Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth.” – Chuck Norris

A woman isn’t complete without a man. But where do you find a man – a real man – these days?” – Lauren Bacall

If you are a woman, you might be thinking the same thing. If you are a man, you might be wondering what women want. I want to mention several traits of masculinity and certainly, add yours too in the comments section. I do like what Chuck Norris said (I better!) that when a man loses his temper then he loses his worth. Strong words from the man who uses tobasco sauce for eye drops. This is very important for marriage because having an explosive temper will result in your getting no sex and making your wife uncomfortable.

Fits of rage only show that you don’t know what to do and it is a very childish behavior, isn’t it? It won’t help his wife to bring her issues before him if he is going to blow up. Having a bad temper is not manly. The Bible says in Proverbs 22:24-25-Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared. I agree with Chuck Norris that a real man isn’t given to losing his temper. That’s my first quality of a real man.

By the way, Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

I think a real man doesn’t shy away from responsibility. Marriage is a big responsibility.

A real man seeks the good of others. Selfishness will destroy any marriage. No woman wants to be with a man who is mostly into his own life. He cares about his wife and children more than he cares about himself. It makes me ill to hear talk about self-love. People already love themselves too much, start loving someone else.

A real man makes sacrifices. What kind of sacrifice he will need to make won’t be known exactly until he is married for some time. Allowing my wife to work second shift because it was better for her was a big sacrifice to me because it limited the amount of time that I could see her. Ephesians 5 says husbands ought to love their wives like Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. This means a married man is quite willing to die for his wife and anything short of dying for her, to meet her needs. This is a real man. No, it isn’t being a simp. Jesus wasn’t a simp. He was the fullness, the perfect embodiment of a man when he was on earth. He lived it. Every attribute he displayed all the time was the epitome of manliness.

Real quick, it is important to note that everything he did was with humility. He isn’t good to his bride, the church, because she is obedient all the time. She is a disgrace some of the time, but he understands that. He is gracious. He is good to his wife because he is a good husband, not because they go 50/50 with being good.

A real man makes things right; he looks for solutions. Whether it’s relationally or something else, he wants harmony, understanding, open communication, resolutions to problems, he wants to understand the dynamics of his relationship with his wife.

A real man is patient. This requires strength, like having control of your temper. An impatient, angry man is anything but sexy.

A real man is consistent.

A real man is realistic. He knows life is flawed, his wife is flawed, he is flawed. He accepts life as it is.
A real man
isn’t a complainer. He doesn’t whine about things he can’t control, instead he doesn’t avoid responsibility and he isn’t a complainer.

A real man speaks up, he is not afraid to speak against injustices, he wants to support those who are weak. It could be supporting the protection of the unborn or in some other way, but he uses his strength of character to help others.

A real man doesn’t quit. He is in it for the long haul.

I could list other qualities but I wanted to limit it to twelve. I hope you agree that these are essential characteristics of a real man. Notice I didn’t say a real man has six-pack abs, a six-figure salary or is six-feet tall. He doesn’t need to have an IQ of 140.

From Biblical manhood can be boiled down to five basic principles, which each man is expected to conform to. These are 1) humility before his God, 2) control of his appetites, 3) protecting his family, 4) providing for his family, and 5) leading his family. Men who fail to meet these expectations are not behaving as “men,” biblically speaking, but as something less noble (Psalm 49:20). Some good examples of biblical manhood in Scripture are Daniel, Caleb, Joshua, Paul, and, of course, Jesus.

Consider these masculine traits. The one who can be this kind of man should have no trouble attracting love beyond the sea. 50+ Quotes About Being A Man That Every Guy Should Read Biblical Manhood

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