What Makes Someone Married and Why You Should Be

Since I talk about making marriage great again and that this is a channel rated 4M for Mature Marriage-Minded Men only, I thought I should go over the fundamentals of what exactly marriage is in the first place and talk about why you should get married as most people need to. Subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea where I detail what I’ve learned in six years of marriage to an amazing woman I married in less than eight weeks. Was it worth? You bet it was!

Why get married? Companionship, touch, sex, adventure, someone to explore the world with, having children and raising a family. Living life alone without those things, which has become more common, I think leads to a life that is NOT what God wants for most people. Some people are hard to live with, and marriage will either verify that or they will be forced to make some good changes in their life. Marriage is for mutual blessing.

Some say marriage is just a piece of paper, I sure hope not. Some believe that marriage was made to be broken. Others believe their marital union to be so strong it can only be broken by death and biblical divorce such as adultery or the desertion of a non-Christian. What about arranged marriages? What about using an international dating service? I did, that’s how I found my wife after searching for a mind-boggling 30 years. Even an age gap marriage is a marriage. I think when two people consent to marry, and are not being forced against their wills to marry, then they are married. Just remember God sets up guidelines for how to operate within the framework of marriage.

I’ve even heard of a Philippines vlogger claim to be married then confess that he wasn’t. I think marriage is worth it and we ought to get married as soon as possible so we can enjoy more of it over the course of our life.

From the link

The Bible nowhere explicitly states at what point God considers a man and a woman to be married. Due to the Bible’s silence on this matter, identifying the precise moment a man and woman are married in God’s eyes is a complex undertaking. Here are the three most common viewpoints: 1) God only considers a man and a woman married when they are legally married—that is, when they become husband and wife in the eyes of the law. 2) A man and a woman are married in God’s eyes when they have completed some kind of formal wedding ceremony involving covenantal vows. 3) God considers a man and a woman to be married at the moment they engage in sexual intercourse. Let’s look at each of the three views and evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of each.

1) God only considers a man and a woman married when they are legally married. The scriptural support typically given for this view is the command to obey the government’s laws (Romans 13:1–7; 1 Peter 2:17). The argument is that, if the government requires certain procedures and paperwork to be completed before a marriage is recognized, then a couple should submit themselves to that process. It is definitely biblical for a couple to submit to the government as long as the requirements do not contradict God’s Word and are reasonable. Romans 13:1–2 tells us, “Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.”

However, there are some weaknesses and potential problems with this view. First, marriage existed before any government was organized. For thousands of years, people were getting married with no such thing as a marriage license. Second, even today, there are some countries that have no governmental recognition of marriage, and/or no legal requirements for marriage. Third, there are some governments that place unbiblical requirements on a marriage before it is legally recognized.

As an example, some countries require weddings to be held in a Catholic church, according to Catholic teachings, and overseen by a Catholic priest. Obviously, for those who have strong disagreements with the Catholic Church and the Catholic understanding of marriage as a sacrament, it would be unbiblical to submit to being married in the Catholic Church. Fourth, to make the legitimacy of the marriage union solely dependent on government statutes is to indirectly sanction the statutory definition of marriage, which may fluctuate.

2) A man and a woman are married in God’s eyes when they have completed some kind of formal wedding ceremony. Some interpreters understand God’s bringing Eve to Adam (Genesis 2:22) as God’s overseeing the first wedding “ceremony”—the modern practice of a father giving away his daughter at a wedding reflects God’s action in Eden. In John chapter 2, Jesus attended a wedding ceremony. Jesus would not have attended such an event if He did not approve of what was occurring. Jesus’ presence at a wedding ceremony by no means indicates that God requires a wedding ceremony, but it does indicate that a wedding ceremony is acceptable in God’s sight. Nearly every culture in the history of humanity has observed some kind of formal wedding ceremony. In every culture there is an event, action, covenant, vow, or proclamation that is recognized as declaring a man and woman to be married.

3) God considers a man and a woman to be married at the moment they engage in sexual intercourse. There are some who take this to mean that a married couple is not truly “married” in God’s eyes until they have consummated the marriage physically. Others argue that, if any man and woman have sex, God considers the two of them to be married. The basis for this view is the fact that sexual intercourse between a husband and wife is the ultimate fulfillment of the “one flesh” principle (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5; Ephesians 5:31). In this sense, sexual intercourse is the final “seal” on a marriage covenant. However, the view that intercourse constitutes marriage is not biblically sound. If a couple is legally and ceremonially married, but for some reason is unable to engage in sexual intercourse, that couple is still considered married.

We know that God does not equate sexual intercourse with marriage based on the fact that the Old Testament often distinguishes a wife from a concubine. For example, 2 Chronicles 11:21 describes one king’s family life: “Rehoboam loved Maakah daughter of Absalom more than any of his other wives and concubines. In all, he had eighteen wives and sixty concubines.” In this verse, concubines who had sexual intercourse with King Rehoboam are not considered wives and are mentioned as a separate category.

Also, 1 Corinthians 7:2 indicates that sex before marriage is immorality. If sexual intercourse causes a couple to become married, it could not be considered immoral, as the couple would be considered married the moment they engaged in sexual intercourse. There is absolutely no biblical basis for an unmarried couple to have sex and then declare themselves to be married, thereby declaring all future sexual relations to be moral and God-honoring.

Some point to Genesis 24 and the story of Isaac and Rebekah as an example of a couple being married solely by sexual intercourse, without any type of ceremony. But the details that lead up the marriage reveal that a formal process was followed. Isaac’s father, Abraham, gave his servant a list of things to do to find Isaac a wife (Genesis 24:1–10). The servant did all his master asked, plus he prayed to God for guidance and confirmation (verses 12–14). God did guide him, and He also confirmed all of the servant’s “tests” to show that the marriage of Isaac and Rebekah was indeed God-approved (verses 15–27).

So convinced was the servant of God’s will that he immediately related to Rebekah’s brother, Laban, all of the details confirming God’s choice (verses 32–49). By the time dinner was served, everyone knew that this was of God, that both Isaac and Rebekah should be married (verses 50–51). Then a dowry was paid, and verbal contracts were pledged between them (verses 52–59). Thus, the marriage mentioned in verse 67 was hardly based on a mere sexual act. Cultural procedures and dowry traditions were fulfilled, conditions were met, answers to prayer were seen, and the obvious blessing by God was upon the entire scenario.

So, what constitutes marriage in God’s eyes? It would seem that the following principles should be followed: 1) As long as the requirements are reasonable and not against the Bible, a man and a woman should seek whatever formal governmental recognition is available. 2) A man and a woman should follow whatever cultural, familial, and covenantal practices are typically employed to recognize a couple as “officially married.” 3) If possible, a man and a woman should consummate the marriage sexually, fulfilling the physical aspect of the “one flesh” principle. (end of article in link)

For our marriage we got the requisite pre-marital counselling in the Philippines, which I was grateful for because I wanted to have that. I always want people to know that my devotion to my Aiza is authentic and I would submit to the marriage expectations laid out to me at our wedding. I like how serious they are about marriage at the wedding itself. It is definitely seen as a solemn act. This is from Mark 10-

1Then Jesus left that place and went into the region of Judea, beyond the Jordan. Again the crowds came to Him and He taught them, as was His custom.

2Some Pharisees came to test Him. “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” they inquired.

3“What did Moses command you?” He replied.

4They answered, “Moses permitted a man to write his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away.”

5But Jesus told them, “Moses wrote this commandment for you because of your hardness of heart. 6However, from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife 8and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

So, at our wedding ceremony that hot afternoon in the Philippines, God himself joined my wife and I together, in front of about 100 witnesses. Are the witnesses necessary? Maybe not, but I wanted our wedding out in public, in front of family and friends. It is not to be taken lightly. We both have responsibilities to each other from that moment on. If we were just living together than either of us could leave at any time for any reason. We also had the usual contingent of wedding sponsors, who my wife considered key people in her life for that big day.

Sometimes you hear of people, say in Hollywood, who get married then turn around and say it was a mistake so they get it terminated. Well, whatever their motives were to get married in the first place, they did get married, and getting married is a serious thing to do. It’s the right thing to do, a wonderful and perfectly natural thing to do, but don’t mess around with it. Unless both people were in a drunken stupor, I’d say they were to stay together. Of course, if they were in a drunken stupor only a foolish person would marry them.

In our case, it was an all-knowing, all-wise God who put me together with my love beyond the sea.