Monogamy Works Listen to Me Not Hollywood

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I am going to talk about monogamy today. Merriam-Webster’s definition of monogamy is:

1a: the state or practice of having only one sexual partner at a time young (couples who practice monogamy)

b: the state or custom of being married to only one person at a time

I actually don’t like any of these definitions because they don’t restrict sexual relations to just the married couple. I think commitment means there will be no sex with anyone other than the person you are married to. I don’t see that in the above definition or any other that I found.

The 1a definition lacks marriage, while the 1b description lacks the restriction of sex to your own spouse. So, it appears I have to define what I am talking about as monogamy as the state or practice of having only one sexual partner at a time during your marriage. I have always assumed that’s what it generally meant, but these days, you can’t be sure. Standards are lowering, the bar is lowering, expectations are lowering in many things, and that includes marriage. Please leave comments and we can talk about it.

Allow me to interject that here at Love Beyond The Sea, I don’t just talk about getting and staying married, but talk about what to do in order to have a mutually satisfying marriage between a man and a woman. That will take a lifelong mutual effort that all starts with the husband and his leadership of his wife. I have been married for over six years to a Filipina I knew for less than eight weeks before tying the knot. I married her on the first trip to the Philippines. Please subscribe if you want against the grain convictions to the world that we live in that are pro marriage and pro men and women. It also happens to work.

I believe the Bible to be God’s revelation to us of everything we need to know in this life and it has some things to say about marriage. I bet our relationship is better than these confused Hollywood stars. Why? Because we are committed to each other. I do not consider sleeping with someone else other than your wife as being committed. In today’s wacky world, that needs to be said. I will link the article from nickiswift.com about celebrities and monogamy. Let’s get started.

Take Jada Pinkett Smith, for example. The actress married Will Smith in 1997, and rumors about the pair having an unorthodox marriage have run rampant ever since. In terms of remaining monogamous, Pinkett Smith told HuffPost Live, "I've always told Will, 'You can do whatever you want as long as you can look at yourself in the mirror and be okay." Wow. That is foolish. He is sure to cheat on her with that kind of laxity. And when that happens, she is sure not to like it. Normal, healthy people want the dedication and devotion of the person they married. If they don’t get that, it can get real ugly. There is a reason The Bible declares that it is one man marrying one woman and staying that way, until one of them dies. I have a playlist called Valid Marriage with topics like:

What Makes Someone Married and Why You Should Be

Does Having Sex Make Two People Married?

Get Married? Says Who? Whose Idea is Marriage?

Common Law Marriage Truth and Fiction

Sex Free Marriage? Latest Aberration that Isn't Marriage

Adultery and Other Marriage Corruptions

Arranged Marriage is Not All Bad Here are Pros of Arranged Marriage

Arranged Marriage is Not All Bad but Here are Some Cons

This video will be added to that playlist.

Will Smith’s wife thinks that Will is the one who determines the morality of their marriage, not God. Actually, she thinks that she can define marriage too. I think if God allowed men to sleep with women other than their wife, no one would be monogamous for long. We are attracted to many people for various reasons and will take full advantage of that when we can, if we are allowed to. I think you have to have sound regulation of conduct in marriage.

Prior to ending her marriage to her second husband, Romain Dauriac, Scarlett Johansson gave an interview to Playboy (via Us Weekly) and said, "I don't think it's natural to be a monogamous person. I might be skewered for that, but I think it's work. It's a lot of work."

She went on to proclaim that the fact that marriage is such hard work for so many people is proof of how unnatural it is. "It's something I have a lot of respect for and have participated in, but I think it definitely goes against some instinct to look beyond," she said.

She is right about some things. I think our natural bent is to want to sleep with as many women as we possible can. If left unrestrained, that is what many of us would do. Many of us would avoid work if we could, just to sleep around as much as we could. However, that would lead to an unfulfilling life and much emotional confusion. While we may want as much variety of sex with as many women as possible, that kind of lifestyle does not fit the will of God, which is always for our best. That best is marriage between one man and one woman and being sexually faithful to each other. You simply can not and will not have a satisfying life sharing your spouse with someone else.

Johansson accurately noted that monogamy is “a lot of work” and that is proof of how unnatural it is. She believes that because it seems a chore, that means monogamy is unnatural. She may be correct. We don’t like restrictions on our lives and this for some, is no exception. Some people don’t like being told they can’t have other people’s possessions; we can’t have their education or their job or their looks. That isn’t fair, that is restrictive. Some want the gender of another person; they want to look like someone else. They don’t want to work for a living, they want to live off of handouts. Many things in life seem difficult and unfair.

I believe we all have a sin nature that wants to live contrary to the will of God. Wanting to be sexually active with someone other than your spouse is not good. Often when that happens, someone’s life gets ruined. That is normal too. While we desire one single person to be married to and committed to, we have a bent towards not wanting restrictions on our behavior but that is necessary. Most normal women would get rid of their husbands after a single incident of infidelity. The Bible allows this. Cheating on your spouse, even if they approve of it, is sinful, and sin results in the death of something, usually the relationship, and perhaps one’s future.

Johansson, who separated from her first husband, Ryan Reynolds, in 2010, also described marriage as a "beautiful responsibility, but it's a responsibility." So, does this mean the movie star will hesitate to tie the knot and be 100 percent monogamous for a third time? Well, it appeared she was willing to give fidelity another shot when she linked up with boyfriend Colin Jost, a comedian known for his gig on Saturday Night Live. A source told E! News, "Scarlett says he is different than many of the men she has been with."

If you have seen a few of my 830+ videos, you would know that I know that marriage is a big and beautiful responsibility. 1 Corinthians 7 says to let every man have his own wife and to let every woman have her own husband. “Let” is a very strong word. It is to be done by those men and women who are not gifted with the rare spiritual gift of singleness. Those people do not need marriage; they don’t need sex. The rest of us should marry and be committed to our spouse. I’d like to think I am not using mirrors to have a happy marriage and in my videos, go into detail about many marital things.

Senegalese-American artist Akon believes it's about time Americans wake up and embrace polygamy. To TMZ, he stated that, if women were more accepting of a man being with multiple women, there would be "less domestic disputes" in the world. True, and if people were more accepting of people stealing their stuff, there would be less disputes. Polygamy is having more than one wife. Having sex with someone not your wife is called adultery. This guy has lost his mind. Just because women might not be able to understand or relate to a man’s thirst for an unlimited number of other women while maintaining love for his real wife, doesn’t mean she is wrong. Any normal woman would be repulsed at the thought of sharing her husband with another woman. If a man has difficulty comprehending that, he needs to listen to why she feels that way.

“Less domestic disputes in the world” if women were more accepting of a man being with multiple women? In what universe does he think this would happen? This is baffling. Again, he is talking like a man, not thinking like a woman. Normal women want the attention and devotion of their husband. I think we have observed enough of that to know it is true. In marriage you pledge your fidelity to each other; that is what people really want.

I have been married over six years to a woman I married on my first trip to the Philippines. I spend our days focusing on being the best husband I can to her. She knows how I feel about her. It would crush her if I messed up and cheated on her or told her one day that I thought we should be able to sleep with other people, but still be married. We need more married couples devoting themselves to each other better, not acceptance of a man being with multiple women. I’ll say that again, we need more married couples devoting themselves to each other better, not acceptance of a man being with multiple women.

But he didn't stop there. He also told TMZ that men are "natural breeders," and added, "If you find that one woman that supplies everything that you desire in a woman, of course, that would be a motivation for you to stick with that one woman. But, I don't know no one woman that can satisfy every man's one need. It's impossible."

Here's another problem I have. He is concerned about himself only. He says if you find a woman that supplies everything you desire in a woman then that is motivation to stick with her. My philosophy is more about doing what is best for her and meeting her needs. If I do that, I have a wife for life. Basically he is saying that since no one woman can satisfy every man’s one need (I have to assume he is referring to sexual satisfaction), that gives him the right to sleep around.

He should be as concerned about meeting her sexual needs and every single other one she has that has nothing to do with sex. Oh, he is going to fall short there too! Marriage is to meet more than a sexual need, there is companionship, touch, connection, belonging, having a partner to share life with. The Bible calls marriage the grace of life, or the best that life offers someone who lacks the spiritual gift of singleness. It should be entered into early in life and maintained for the rest of one’s life. There is nothing better than that.

I was missing out on much when I was single and I knew it. You are too if you are not married. I think the gift of singleness is rare. If you want to have sex, you don’t have that gift. Sex is a tremendous blessing to give and share with your wife. You get to experience this with your partner in life and spend your early years figuring out how to please each other. You get to focus on them and what they want and need, not anyone else. Sex is everything it is cracked up to be, but only with your spouse.

He wasn't lying either. The "Smack That" singer has been very vocal about his private life — in particular, his relationship with four women who he considers to be his wives. So, is it really that surprising that he also isn't a fan of monogamy? Not at all surprising he is justifying his aberrant behavior. He considers four women to be his wife, does he? He is an adulterer. Next Hollywood star although I admit I have never heard of most of these people.

Sienna Miller and her then-fiancé Jude Law made headlines back in 2005 when the The Talented Mr. Ripley actor admitted to having an affair with his kids' nanny. He issued a public apology to the British Press Association, but his relationship with Miller eventually came to an end. 

Surprisingly, that cheating incident wasn't the American Sniper star's first rodeo. "People would say 'Poor her.' But it wasn't the first time it's happened to me — and it won't be the last, I'm sure. Human nature is such that monogamy is a really hard thing to achieve," she told Life (via People). I haven’t had any problem achieving monogamy. I am committed to that. It is challenging enough to satisfy one woman and the good thing is when you are married, you get to take the time over the years to learn how to please each other so well you know what they are thinking and what they like and when. Those years come to an end eventually.

Following the public humiliation, Miller — rightfully so — expressed her doubts on monogamy in a 2006 interview with Rolling Stone (via People). "I don't know, monogamy is a weird thing for me," she said. "It's an overrated virtue, because, let's face it, we're f***ing animals."

Most were designed by God for sex, it is his idea after all and there is absolutely nothing dirty about sex. The place for it is marriage. The marriage bed (Hebrews 13:4) is undefiled. Proverbs 5 says to be drunk with the love making of your wife (singular). Going outside those bounds is disastrous. And if monogamy is so difficult to pull off, then I would say that is not an overrated virtue but a commendable one.

When rumors emerged about Shailene Woodley possibly being in a relationship with her White Bird co-star Shiloh Fernandez, the actress issued a strong denial. And that wasn't all she did. The celeb also dropped a bombshell during an interview with Marie Claire.

The Divergent actress told the publication in 2014 that she had been single for four years because she hadn't met anyone who tickled her fancy. Then, she added, "I don't even know if humans are genetically made to be with one person forever."

She might be too picky. I didn’t go to college but I know that a man and a woman are genetically made to be with one person for the rest of their lives. I know this because God commands it. It has to be that way. God would not command something that was impossible. In fact, the Bible does more than say avoid fornication (sex outside of marriage) it tells us to get married and have sex there. That is one of many aspects of marriage. We can certainly have a monogamous marriage. If not, there will be natural consequences.

By the time 2018 rolled around, Woodley was boo'd up on the red carpet with boyfriend and rugby player Ben Volavola, whom she'd met in Fiji while filming Adrift, according to People.

As she hasn't given an update about her views on monogamy as of this writing, we'll have to wait and see if Volavola will be the one to change her ideas about monogamy!

Ethan Hawke became notorious for cheating on his then-wife Uma Thurman after he engaged in an extramarital affair with a much-younger woman named Jennifer Perzow, according to the New York Post. While he just might be the poster child for infidelity, he stands by his views, telling Mr. Porter, "People have such a childish view of monogamy and fidelity."

He added "our species is not monogamous," before revealing that he doesn't understand why someone would get bent out of shape over an unfaithful partner. And he blamed it all on the idea that "human beings are sexual beings."

I would say that he is the one with the childish view of monogamy and fidelity. Not being upset with an unfaithful partner? What rock does he live under? I think what happens is someone is selfish and wants to justify their behavior to not be faithful to their spouse. In the Old Testament adultery resulted in death. I’d say it is very serious. Most marriage won’t survive adultery. That is natural and should be understandable.

After his divorce from Thurman was finalized in 2005, Hawke went on to marry his children's nanny Ryan Shawhughes in 2008. He told Mr. Porter, "My relationship with my present wife is thrilling to me and I'm committed to it. But neither she nor I know what shape the future will come in." Oh boy. 

I’d like to know why he said “…but neither she nor I know what shape the future will come in.” After all, three words earlier he said he was committed to the relationship with his wife. it doesn’t sound like he is committed to me. Some people feel that commitment means committed until something unpleasant happens, but commitment means you are together no matter what. It is not committed until you don’t get your way or your wittle feewings get hurt or someone better comes around. That is selfish.

My wife knows I am committed to her, period. It is not circumstantial, there are no strings attached. I am not going to look over my shoulder in my marriage, I am going to give my best each day to make my wife’s life the best I can. She knows if she lost her eyesight, her arms, her legs, her mind, my commitment is my commitment. Either I mean what I say or I don’t.

There are some men who will say that is being simpish and will result in getting taken advantage of, but I disagree. You need to say you are committed, but you also need to be able to express how strong that commitment is. If I want my wife to be committed to me, then like everything else, it starts with my commitment to her. Hawke said neither of them know what the future would bring but that goes for all of us. Just decide and tell your wife that it doesn’t matter what the future brings. You can’t do anything about that but you can be steadfast in your commitment.

Although comedian and The View host Whoopi Goldberg has been married three times, she still has some unusual ideas about commitment in general. She told host Piers Morgan on CNN's Piers Morgan Tonight, "I suppose that, you know, you have to actually be in love with the person that you marry. You have to really be committed to them. And I'm just — I don't have that commitment." I applaud her honesty. I don’t think you have to be in love with the person you marry, but I do think you need to love them. I believe love grows over time, provided you do your best to meet their needs and not think so much about yourself. She is likely to respond to your kindness.

The Sister Act star went even deeper into her personal experiences with marriage and divorce, stating in her book If Someone Says "You Complete Me," Run!: Whoopi's Big Book of Relationships that relationships "require a lot of work that I actually don't want to do," as shared by the New York Post.

By the way I will link a video I made called Are You Incomplete Without a Wife?. Here again, I applaud her honesty. There have been times Whoopi has said things I actually agreed with. I wish when people got married, they would think through the work that is involved in a relationship. I will link an article for you from elitedaily.com about what people mean when they say relationships are hard work. It will cover communicating effectively, reasonable compromises and sacrifices, fighting fair even when you really don’t want to, actively working to get out of ruts and boredom, not taking your partner for granted, keeping passion and spark alive, prioritizing each other when life gets complicated. That’s a good list!

I think that the more you do these things for each other over the years, the easier and more natural it becomes.

Goldberg also revealed that, in her opinion, extramarital sex is no biggie. "Sometimes in a relationship, people can't always get what they need, and if you have reputable people you can turn to in order to get what you need, I say go for it. It is a whole lot better than being frustrated and angry at the person you love." Wowzers.

Who do people think their spouse is, God? No spouse is capable of meeting ALL your needs and wants. No husband can meet all the needs and wants of his wife. That’s why I tell my wife that she needs to look to God for her needs to be met. I will do my best to do what I can do, but I am a sinful human being who has limits, while God is the designer of human beings and IS capable of helping us through all the trials of life. We must be realistic. Whoopi might say she is being realistic, however that does not mean you go and try to get something met by someone not your spouse.

Communicating effectively was on that list a moment ago of what can be hard work in marriage, or a relationship, and sometimes I think people are afraid to talk about certain things that they feel they need or want. Maybe their spouse can be convinced to do certain things they have previously been uncomfortable with. You always have to talk.

Whoopi also comes across as selfish when she talks about getting what you need from people that can do it, even if they are not your partner. Don’t expect perfection when married. Make the best of it, make it good. Also, her last statement is bewildering to me- . "Sometimes in a relationship, people can't always get what they need, and if you have reputable people you can turn to in order to get what you need, I say go for it. It is a whole lot better than being frustrated and angry at the person you love."

Well, if you love someone, then you don’t turn to another person to get what they aren’t giving you. What nonsense and self-justification. Does she even think how “the person you love” may not be thrilled by getting some kind of need met by someone else?

Angelina Jolie was once considered to be a homewrecker by some who blamed her for coming in between Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt's marriage after she met Pitt on the set of Mr. & Mrs. Smith.

Whether they had an emotional affair or they actually took things to the next level while Pitt was still married to Aniston is irrelevant, especially for someone like Jolie. In her mind, monogamy isn't be-all and end-all anyway. "I doubt that fidelity is absolutely essential for a relationship," Jolie told Germany's Das Neue magazine (via ABC News). "It's worse to leave your partner and talk badly about him afterwards." Say what?! She doubts but I am certain that fidelity is absolutely essential for a relationship. She might not think trust is important either.

At the time she made that statement, she and Pitt were unmarried. Still, she told the publication, "Neither Brad nor I have ever claimed that living together means to be chained together," before adding, "We make sure that we never restrict each other." You know, sometimes, depending on what it is, a man needs to step up and restrict something. His wife should always feel safe to talk about anything she wants to with him. Never restricting each other sounds mature, but really isn’t.

Prior to getting married to Good Charlotte rocker Benji Madden in 2015, Cameron Diaz had gone through a series of failed relationships with several high-profile stars, including Justin Timberlake, Jared Leto, and former baseball player Alex Rodriguez. And it was unlikely that she required or even expected any of her past lovers to only have eyes for her. Why?

She told InStyle in 2014, "I don't know if anyone is really naturally monogamous. We all have the same instincts as animals. But we live in a society where it's been ingrained in us to do these things" (via E! News). I’m not sure monogamy is ingrained in society. It makes no difference if people are naturally monogamous or not. As a Christian, God tells me to limit myself to a wife of my choosing (and who chooses me) for the rest of my life. So, we are totally capable of being monogamous. God wouldn’t command something that was impossible.

Hugh Grant appeared to be in a happy and healthy relationship with actress Elizabeth Hurley at one point, but all of that came crashing down in 1995 when he was busted inside of a parked car getting ... erm, serviced by a prostitute by the name of Denise "Divine" Brown, according to the Independent.

Hurley and the Love Actually actor's relationship ended five years after he was nabbed, and it would take another 18 years for him to finally get married for the first time. The lucky lady was Anna Eberstein, the mother of the celeb's three children, People reported. 

Still, Grant had criticized the idea of monogamy to Howard Stern on his SiriusXM radio show (via Entertainment Tonight) just two years prior to marrying Eberstein, saying, "Do I think human beings are meant to be in 40-year-long monogamous, faithful, relationships? No, No, No. Whoever said they were? Only the Bible or something." The Bible doesn’t say that people are monogamous, it says they are to be monogamous. That is for the best. You can’t be better than the best. And Hugh Grant’s opinion is, well, not really that important. What matter is right and wrong.

Celebrity couple Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard appear to be the epitome of wedded bliss. The twosome got married in October 2013 at a Beverly Hills county clerk office, as reported by TMZ. However, despite being married and devoted to the Employee of the Month actor, Bell has expressed some interesting views on relationships.

While chatting with Men's Journal, she was asked for her thoughts on monogamy, and the Forgetting Sarah Marshall star said, "I'm quite positive we are not meant to be monogamous. It's difficult, and it requires a lot of attention, vulnerability, and openness." Those are good things to require.

To the magazine, Bell noted that she was grateful to have a partner who was so direct about his emotions. "He's very open about what he needs to stay satisfied in our relationship because if one partner isn't satisfied, you just kiss it goodbye; somebody's going to stray," she said.

Once again, as I prepare to close, this is about selfishness. If you have watched Love Beyond The Sea, you will know that a key factor in successful marriage to a woman from the Philippines or anywhere else is unselfishness. If someone isn’t satisfied, that may be their problem and only their problem. It depends. They need to communicate effectively, but if someone is not satisfied (oh the horror), that is no reason to kiss anything goodbye.

Without a doubt, monogamy is best with your love beyond the sea.