Remarry? Having been married to my amazing wife now for nearly three years and having been together here for over two years, I know what my wife “brings to the table”. I admit to talking a lot about her and thinking a lot about her and praying a lot for her, because she is so very special and precious to me. I would take her over winning a billion-dollar lottery. I have never felt so relaxed, contented and stress free. We have our disagreements and spats like we all do, but we have been able to avoid dragging them out.
Where to live? After I am gone, she will likely stay in Nebraska or return to the Philippines. After retirement I would be happy moving to the Philippines where she would be around family and friends. She is always thinking of others, one of the qualities that make her so precious to me. I think she can be a big asset to people in the Philippines, where our money would go further. The main thing for me would be getting my meds and if I needed serious medical help, would I be able to get it there? What to do for a living? Just this week my wife surprised me by asking me if she could further her education. Her friends have told her that since she is in America, she should do that because having a degree from America is very valuable in the Philippines. That might take a couple of years however.
She taught some special needs children before quitting to prepare for her journey to America. She has embraced working here in America. I think she would still want to help children if we lived in the Philippines. I have often told her that I want her to be doing fulfilling things with her time and that doesn’t stop when I die. She saves money well and is still thinking of helping others. How to manage financially? Part of the visa experience is showing your ability to provide. Part of the visa paperwork was including some proof you can provide for her. To help the visa along, I included a list of my assets just to have a better chance of getting the visa. You don’t need to be rich to pass that part, but I have often mentioned to my wife where our savings are and have included her in all meetings with our financial advisor. I don’t want to scare her about death, rather I want to help her see that I want to keep taking care of her after I am gone. She needs to know who to contact when I am gone.
I would encourage you to be able to talk to your Filipina about the future. Sometimes she tells me she doesn’t want me to talk about it, but I want her to know about life insurance or social security for example. As a side note, it appears she wouldn’t be able to access my full SS until she was at least 60. That would be 31 years from now, yikes, talk about a long-range plan. I was hoping she would be entitled to it right after I passed. Some of these things are brand new to her. I don’t want any surprises and I want to be prepared. Am I overdoing it? I don’t know. I do enjoy being her husband now but I worry about her emotionally if she is not somewhat prepared for my passing in various ways. I have shown her how to pay bills although I have handled the money. I offered that chore to her but she lets me do it. We have a safe deposit box in a nearby bank with our important documents. Make the most of now. These are the Halcyon Days, the best of times for us. We are still learning how to live in harmony. The Bible teaches us to enjoy our lives and all that God has for us.
However, in Ecclesiastes it also says something like the wise man considers death. We can’t be afraid to talk about it. We are to plan for it. Maybe it is my way of just getting the obvious out of the way early. We both are concerned about how we would do without each other. My wife says she is very concerned how I would do without her if something happened to her first. I would be crushed. Sure, I would consider her a short-term gift from a loving God, but wow would that hurt. I know she would prefer I remarry but I don’t think that would happen. I told her I am all invested in her emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually and didn’t see space in my heart for another woman.
That is another thing about me that is different now that I am married to her. My perspective is different. I only want to look at and desire her, not any other woman. If I died first, I want her to remarry but she says she won’t. If that is the case, I can’t rely on someone else to provide for her later in life, so that is one reason I think about how my death will affect her life. Obviously, no one knows how the future will unfold, but planning ahead for your wife’s future without you may allow you to focus more energy on the present time. I trust God to meet her needs ultimately, but there are some things I am responsible to do.
You don’t have to do it right away, but eventually you’ll need to talk about these things with your Love Beyond The Sea.