My wife and I have been married for just over four years and got married very rapidly, in less than eight weeks. We started the visa petition before I even met her! One of the main ways I have used to show her I am serious about her is to be as unselfish as I can. I do not believe two people need to know each other for a long time before getting married, I believe what is most important is how the husband treats his wife.
That’s why I am not worried about ever losing my Filipina wife. This channel is to say what needs to be said to be successful with a Filipina, and few things are more important than being unselfish. Talking about yourself a lot is a turn off. Any woman wants to know that she is the apple of your eye, the object of your attention. When a man talks about his accomplishments more than his wife’s that sends the message to her that he is more important that she is. He may even have accomplished great things in life but to his wife, she probably isn’t that impressed. Why? Because she wants to know how important she is to you. It’s like the saying “No one cares what you know until they know how much you care.”
When a man marries a Filipina, he is forming a new team, a new unit, a new organism. His speech should be about what the two of them are accomplishing, not about himself. Your actions as a husband can be selfish too as can talking about yourself. Spending inordinate time at work or at hobby is selfish, if it is to the exclusion of your wife or she thinks it is too much. It communicates to her that even though you married her, you are still kind of living like you were single. Maybe this person pursued hard, which is good, but then after marriage, has backed off, but his pursuit of her heart should continue. Actually, getting married is one of the most unselfish things a person can do, if they do it for the right reasons.
Marriage reveals a lot of bad stuff about us, and that’s a good thing! If we are selfish, there is nothing like marriage to flesh that out (no pun intended). Don’t be afraid of this! Marriage is also the best opportunity to become selfless, and put your wife’s needs above your own. I don’t believe in 50-50, you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours. I’ll do good to you, then sit back and wait for your turn. I intend to be good to my wife no matter what. I want her to expect that, and no, I don’t expect her to take unfair advantage of that. What I anticipate is she will respond to that, and so it has been. She needs to know she can always count on me. I take forgiveness very seriously. Mark Merrill’s blog asks the question-Which of these seven selfish traits is your weakest area, and why? What can you do to begin to change and bring more life into your marriage as a result? My answer to that question is # 2 My expectations. Just an example, the other day I expected that my wife would be home earlier than she was. She was out with some Filipina friends, which I was happy about.
When she wasn’t home by the time I expected, I was upset. We talked about it, but I didn’t exactly express in no uncertain terms that I wanted to spend a little time with her before we went to bed. She came home oblivious to what was bothering me, and it really wasn’t her fault. I failed to communicate. The same thing can happen at other times-I just assume she will feel as I do and when my expectations aren’t met, I can take it hard. She knows I put her first in our relationship, but at the same time, that might cause me to assume some things about reciprocity. I just know there are times when I get upset and am baffled that she doesn’t know why.
Something tells me it has something to do with my expectations, and also, the need to communicate more precisely. There are many ways to communicate being selfish, and we are all by nature selfish, but that will destroy a marriage and not give it a chance to develop.
I really want whatever is best for my Love Beyond the Sea.