When I married my Filipina wife in 2015, I figured there would be some jealousy towards me from other men. They might be jealous of having a younger wife, a foreign wife, a pretty wife, but it would be a positive thing of admiration with no consequences. Sometimes a guy can be jealous and stop communicating with you, maybe split a friendship and that would be an unfortunate response. I have been told by a couple of guys that they are jealous but it’s in a playful way. What I did not expect was jealousy from other women towards my wife.
Please subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea. I want to share my experience with going from being alone for a very long time to deciding to give international dating a chance, and marrying a Filipina just a short time after that. I want to be up front about what I think will be needed to have a good relationship with a Filipina and I think you’ll get an inside look at how to help navigate the relationship for the rest of your life. Please leave a comment if you have seen jealousy towards your Filipina wife. This is something you may have to help her with someday. Later I will share how I would handle this kind of situation. Check out the podcasts and visit the Community Corner on lvbts.com; presently I am on a six-part series reviewing the book Sexual Detox-A Guide For Men Who Are Sick Of Porn written by Tim Challies.
I did consider that other women might be jealous of her because she was able to marry a foreigner and be an instant heir to whatever he has to inherit. Or they could think that she didn’t marry for love, she married for money-his and for her to send her money back home. They could doubt her sincerity and motives (not that it’s any of their business). Their premise could be that she is getting something for nothing, that she really didn’t have to earn it. To the foreign husband of a Filipina this likely won’t have a direct effect on you, but it will to your Filipina. They could also be jealous of her intelligence, of her being able to speak two languages.
I have not witnessed any kind of indication any women that I knew previously, are jealous of my wife or feel disdain for her marrying me. They all seem to genuinely like my wife and have not sent out any bad vibes that I married her. The only time a woman I know indicated any concern at all was someone who told me to “be careful”, but at that time she had not met my wife. What has occurred that I didn’t anticipate was women being jealous of my wife. None of them have come up to me and told me they were jealous but I will explain why I think that is the case.
Filipinas are known for their beauty which is captivating to a foreign man. They are known for being cheerful and friendly. Some women probably feel like men shouldn’t go to another country to find a wife, they should stick with women from their own country, which seems self-serving to me. There is a reason many guys are looking overseas-because they no longer believe their own country gives them a good chance to find a suitable wife, so they are following the advice of Go Where You’re Wanted (GWYW). Some men may view feminism as having driven a wedge between men and women, making options where they are unappealing.
The jealous women will think that the Filipina is being taken advantage of by the older foreign man because of her youth or that she is taking advantage of him for his money or citizenship. Probably nothing can change their perceptions other than the passage of time, seeing the couple live a normal life together. But what chafes me is when they can’t leave well enough alone, and have to somehow send a calling card to the Filipina. It has to be from jealousy don’t you think?
What are the signs? I think it comes down to how they treat her. If she is working and some of her coworkers are gossiping about her, talking behind her back, that would tell me they find something amusing or interesting enough to discuss without including her, when if they have something to say they should just say it. Sure, this kind of childish behavior happens to any nationality, but I want you to be aware that a Filipina could make for an easy target due to her age, looks, brains, professional demeanor and work ethic. I also want you to be prepared because this will affect your Filipina. I hope it doesn’t happen.
Gossiping is passive, but there are aggressive ways. If they speak to her in a condescending way, that is out of jealousy. They are trying to cut her down to elevate themselves. If they make fun of her to others, maybe that is an attempt to make themselves feel more adequate. Maybe your Filipina will get the sense she is treated a little differently. Coming from the Philippines, I think she will be able to notice any differences in workplace dynamics easily.
In my observations from the times I have been in the Philippines, the workplace environment seems relaxed and it’s ok to actually give the impression you are enjoying what you do and have fun. Your Filipina wife might, not necessarily will, experience a different environment. I really would like to hear from others if your asawa had a “breaking in period” of adaptation to working in America or the country you reside, as concerns jealousy.
I have not observed any jealousy at church, another place where she would be able to form relationships, but I wouldn’t expect to see it there. I am aware that if there is a large Filipino community, that jealousy could potentially develop among Filipinas as they compare each other’s lifestyles. We don’t hang out around that.
Another place jealousy could occur is in your family. If you have a lot of family members you might find that some aren’t quite comfortable with your Filipina wife. I’d like to think they would include her as a normal family member, but who knows, considering the age difference and stereotypes they might believe about Filipinas, it may take them a while to warm up to her and there might even be some jealousy.
Whether the jealousy sprouts from work, church, Filipino community or your own family, she will be seeing these women now and then. What I would not recommend is to avoid them altogether. I can understand doing this but would prefer a Filipina not be intimidated by jealousy. I would always want to keep the door open to a better relationship. The Bible says if it possible on your part, “Live at peace with everyone-Romans 12:18, and in Hebrews 12:14 it says” Make every effort to live in peace with everyone…”.
Just affirm to your Filipina wife that there are reasons why these people might be jealous and to understand how much you love them and that’s what matters. Affirm to her the qualities that make her a great wife and to be patient, perhaps she will be accepted more later on.
Be aware that jealousy is involved when you find Love Beyond The Sea.