Relationship Advice

Faster or Slower Pace To Find a Filipina wife?

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Some take their time finding a wife, and others move faster. That depends on a variety of individual factors. We must evaluate which way God calls us to go. Examine risk level, comfort level, trust level, am I looking for the right things. The Bible is silent on dating so we have liberty to go about this any way that God is approving of. There is no right or wrong approach, but there is good and better.

Knowledge is the application of wisdom; ask God how to conduct your search. Wisdom means that it will be different for each man. What worked for us was focusing only on each other, and seeing how that went. If you identify a good one early on, is there any reason to keep looking? I know of two men who identified someone early on and “went steady” so to speak, and only spoke to each other. If you feel that you need to know everything about her before marrying her, then how would you know that you knew everything about her? You can know what she discloses to you.

Personally, I believe you won’t really know them well until you are living with them in a committed relationship, such as marriage. Being married will put both of you in new situations together and you’ll just have to wade through it. How long will it take you to build up a trust level? If you have been hurt badly in the past, this part may take longer but try to remember that at some point you just have to trust them. I have learned things about my wife that I didn’t know about before we got married in less than eight weeks, and I expected to. The one thing I needed was for them to be a Christian and build the relationship from there. I am committed to her, so I will have to do some adapting, as will she. Even with someone you love, being in such “close space” will occasionally bring out the worst in each of you.

Another thing to consider is how old you are and how much time you can afford to spend looking for someone. I was 53 when I married my Filipina and had been alone the last thirty years so I felt I had a lot of ground to make up. I wasn’t that old, but I wanted to enjoy as much of a marriage as I could. I wasn’t planning on getting married 8 ½ weeks after becoming a paid member on CF but I was open to whatever God wanted, and He wanted the search to end quickly on CF.

I don’t know your situation, but I was alone a long time and prayed and studied marriage a lot so I would be ready, and I was hungry. Another approach is to proceed slower. You need to be comfortable with the approach you choose. Get to know a certain number of women and pare them down. This is what I assumed I would do but it didn’t work out that way. Proceeding slower probably means seeing more than one woman in person, and that is certainly alright. It is like investing in the stock market, how much risk or perceived risk can you be comfortable with? Meeting more women first can help you to compare them but how will you be able to decide if there are any better ones out there?

On Christian Filipina, I found so many choices that I think I could still be there looking at all the new profiles but since I was looking for a wife, and found a good one that accepted my proposal, I decided I would marry her and end the search. Some guys are just more deliberate and some take more chances, I think our personality will come into play to a high degree. Remember though, to keep your eyes open for red flags and take note of the green flags; indications she might be one to marry.

Those would be being punctual for webcams, being consistent in what they have said, having the family around while they talk to you, their demeanor, what they do that is important to them and of course, their relationship with the Lord. There will be conflict after marriage, of course, so a good indicator would be how the two of you deal with conflict that arises between you before you are married.

Pray, pray, pray, even ask help in evaluating. It will be exciting either way you decide to find your Love Beyond The Sea.

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