The other day I was thinking about how much time I spend with my wife. She is my best friend and the person I assume I will be able to share life with. Do I want to spend too much time with her? How much time should I spend with her? I want to talk about that today. Please subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea for insights into a Filipina and foreigner relationship. Comments are welcome and don’t forget to get notifications for upcoming videos.
In short, I think it depends on what she wants and needs and if she is getting adjusted to being in a new country. When she is immigrating to your country, she will need time with her husband but she may also need some time to herself. When my wife immigrated to America in January of 2016, I was certainly glad to finally be with her and show her off to the people in my life. I worked six days a week so I wasn’t going to overwhelm her with time with me. I recall taking two weeks of vacation when she arrived so I could spend time with her and help her any way I could.
I think it is a good idea to give her time to sort out her thoughts when she arrives. She has just left her entire life; family and friends, to be with a man she likely hasn’t spent a lot of time with, and eventually she will, but initially, I would be careful not to try to plan a lot of activities with her early on. Please comment if you agree or not. Yes, she is excited to start her new life with her husband, but at the same time, she is getting away from the life she is used to, and will need some time to accept that. She might have a major bout with homesickness, and primarily need to have some space to collect her thoughts. When she arrives, she will be unfamiliar with everything.
She will want to communicate with her family quite a bit and that doesn’t mean she is having second thoughts or there is anything to worry about, it’s just part of making such a big move. If she isn’t interested in going somewhere with you, don’t take it personally, probably later on she will, just let her get her feet wet first.
As she adjusts, she will know the kinds of things she wants to try to do, which is when you can spend time with her doing it. It is okay to want her to see things, and eventually, I am sure you will, but she might have her own list of experiences she’d like to have, which I would prioritize first. You want her to ease into her new life and surroundings.
In our case, we are both homebodies, and are perfectly comfortable being at home together. I remember early on my wife wanted to watch television with me, which was fine because we got to do it together. I didn’t have a YouTube channel at the time, so there wasn’t any divided attention. Consider it a good thing if she wants to spend time with you, even if you would prefer to do something else. All I am suggesting is to be careful to avoid monopolizing her time. When she is comfortable, she will want to branch out her activities with you, early on, just have a goal to be with her without having a lot of plans.
When you’re working, it isn’t possible to spend too much time with your Filipina wife, but if you are retired, that’s another thing. Don’t be offended if she keeps to herself more than you were expecting. If you’re retired, you might want to continue doing what you had been doing for a while so she can adjust at her own speed. My wife has never told me we weren’t spending enough time together. We didn’t often plan something because we both worked. If she wants me to go to a movie or watch one on television, then I try to do that.
If you are retired, and are used to spending the majority of your time doing your hobbies, then you will need to be prepared to cut back on some things, in order to spend quality and quantity time with your wife. On the other hand, if you are allocating most of your free time to be with your new wife, that might not be what she needs at the time. It is a good thing to have some things to do without her, but be able to spend time with her when she needs it.
Now that our work schedules aren’t as accommodating to us, we have had to implement some measures to ensure we can be together. She is doing overtime on a different shift, but she is running more errands so I we can spend a little time together before she goes to work. I try to take a nap with her when I can, just little things.
It’s not just having time together; the time should be mutually beneficial. If she just doesn’t like watching basketball with me, then I can’t force her to do it. Football, that’s different, just kidding! When we watch something on Netflix we talk about what we’d both be interested in watching. Jason Statham, The Rock, Liam Neeson, Clint Eastwood sounds good to me!
Eventually, she will develop friendships with other women and it is helpful for her to go to the mall, to the movies, whatever she thinks would be enjoyable. Of course, this means giving up time with her husband, but it is important that she doesn’t spend too much time with him. Then there is the possibility of having group dates or just getting together with, in our case, another Fil-Am couple, which isn’t private time either, but it is important to be able to establish some friendships with other couples, if possible.
Try to put yourself in her flip-flops and know that she might be a little overwhelmed when she first comes to live with you as your wife.
Long term, I hope I have many years to spend with my love beyond the sea!