I came across an article I wanted to share with you that I thought could be applied to a foreigner and Filipina relationship. I sincerely hope if you are in relationship with a Filipina that these things can be said in your situation, that your relationship is healthy. You might come to this conclusion after a matter of months or years. If you see these qualities, then I think you’ve found “the one”. If you have most of these going for you, perhaps there is still time to improve the others.
Please subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea. This channel is to help a foreigner and a Filipina have a solid relationship by learning about the dynamics of this kind of friendship. You might leave me a comment and let me know when was the moment you came to believe that you and your Filipina girlfriend, fiancé or wife had a relationship that was as solid as a rock. Lvbts.com is my website. I will alter the points a little from the article.
You actually like each other-I notice this quality in certain couples, in fact, it’s probably the first thing I notice, that they seem to like each other, they have a way about them where they seem like they are meant to be together. You’ve likely noticed this in certain Philippines vloggers. You know they have a wider age gap than what is considered normal, yet that doesn’t seem to be an issue. You have probably seen some other Philippines vloggers that made you feel a bit uncomfortable because you noticed something was just a little off about them.
I saw one such couple on camera and it didn’t take long before I felt uneasy for the man. I think it was the Filipina’s body language because although they were going to be married or maybe already were, it seemed to me there was a lack of connection of sorts. I remember thinking that I hope it would work out. Maybe she was uncomfortable on camera, maybe she was overwhelmed with the changes upcoming in her life. I think you know what I mean, when their relationship is solid, they will look like they actually like each other, at least eventually.
You respect each other-I think it is possible for a foreigner and a Filipina to hit it off right away and have a good feeling about each other, an easy-going connection, but in order to have respect for each other, that will take a bit more time, I think respect has to be earned. While certain positions should be respected like a president or a policeman or a supervisor, respect in a foreigner Filipina relationship is forged over time. Some of these next signs will also be a sign of respect. Over time I think this is a sign that can be observed on camera too.
They are the first person you want to call when there is good news or bad-It goes both ways. To be fair, when I married Aiza about all of my friends had gotten married and disappeared from the face of the earth, and Ivhad very little family, however my wife has a lot of friends and family in the Philippines. It wouldn’t surprise me if she thought of them first if she had big news but then again, if she had big news I would probably already know about it. I think it’s possible that the Filipina that has gone overseas to live and hasn’t been away from home very long, might be inclined to share some things first with her family, but that certainly can change over time.
You don’t judge each other-Not having stereotypes of each other comes to mind here.
Your friends like her-It goes both ways again here. If my friends don’t like my Filipina wife, I would sure want to know why. I have been told to “watch out”, “you have to be careful”, but not by someone who has gotten to know my wife. I know my friends like my wife and respect her and I have said many times in this channel how impressed I am with her friends. It is easy to have preconceived notions of a foreigner and Filipina, but if you can observe them closer up, it becomes easier to accept that they actually have something going and even the age gap doesn’t seem as important as it did from a distance.
You don’t complain about each other to your friends-I have linked the article to this, and these are my comments, you can read the author’s comments in the link. I wanted to remark that it is normal to talk to someone close to you about a problem you are going through, and that would include your relationships. It is helpful to have a mentor, someone you trust, it might be a relative, to toss things around when you are troubled by something. Here is how I distinguish complaining to your friends, from seeking some guidance and a listening ear.
The difference is looking for a resolution or support or guidance for the good of the relationship compared to wanting to make your partner look bad to someone else. Many times, I have said to my wife that we always need to stick up for each other in front of others, even if we think the other one is wrong. Basically, I am saying to be supportive. We can always get together in private and iron out some differences or clarify our thoughts, but in public I think we need to have a united appearance.
In order to get good advice, I can’t be secretive or speak in code and expect to get good advice. I want to avoid complaining, and stress that I am looking for some guidance that is for the good of my marriage. I then try to apply that advice. No grudges, no standoffs, but looking for proper action. Also, if I turn to a church pastor for advice, that is different than blabbing to the neighborhood gossip.
You don’t dodge difficult discussions-I agree. If the relationship is solid as a rock, you trust each other enough to work through some uncomfortable things without damaging the relationship. With a Filipina, a difficult discussion frequently is about how much money to send back home to her family. A good resolution won’t happen if it isn’t discussed.
You don’t want them to change-Or you don’t want each other to change. We have to accept that each of us is fallible and broken but there has to be enough respect there that the good outweighs the bad and we ultimately can’t change them anyway. My job is to love my wife, only God can change her, and vice-versa.
You trust one another-In a foreigner Filipina relationship, there needs to be a certain level of trust in the initial stages, to lead you into marriage with each other, and trust continues to be earned and developed after that. Trust shouldn’t be blind and if you find you can’t trust each other, that needs to be discovered before getting married. Otherwise you will have this gnawing feeling that something bad will happen eventually. People who have had their trust broken to pieces will have a more difficult time trusting someone who is trustworthy, it will just take more time.
You are into each other-You’re into each other. To me that means you talk about each other in positive terms, you care about each other’s reputation, you want to see life from their perspective, you are willing to make sacrifices for each other. This has been a very satisfying area for me, I really want to build our marriage so I want to know her as well as I can, find what is important to her, and help her fulfill it.
It doesn’t feel like you’re in a constant battle-If there is something you can let go (and can’t change) then it is best to lose that battle rather than lose the war. There is a normal tug of war to put it politely, between a husband and wife that comes from the garden of Eden after Eve sinned and Adam failed to protect her, and that is conflict. Both at times have a tendency to want to control the other.
There will be clashes from time to time, but there shouldn’t be brawls, and regular shouting matches. If the foreigner and Filipina can handle disagreements by getting their thoughts out in the open and focus on harmony, the occasional argument can be turned into something for their good.
You can fight and not freak out about it-This is difficult to go through with a Filipina but gives you both confidence you can work through difficulties relatively quickly. The reason I say this is since she is from a faraway country, different culture, possible a large age gap, and you know people who are just waiting for your relationship to implode, it is tempting to press a little more than usual. You don’t want them to think they are right, and you are getting taken advantage of.
If the relationship is sold, I think you will reach the point where you know how to temper your emotions and learn that it isn’t always going to be a rose garden. You learn to bite your lip and tell yourself that it’s going to be alright, you want what is best for the both of you, and you don’t have to have things the way you prefer all the time.
You are comfortable with each other-Although you might appear comfortable with each other on the outside, only you will know how realistic that is. I am most comfortable when I am with my wife, no doubt about it and she knows this. This may be because she meets certain needs that I have like companionship and touch and to invest myself into something worthwhile. I’d like to think my Filipina wife is comfortable with me because I am meeting needs that she has, perhaps especially being a Filipina. The more we trust each other, the more comfortable we will be with each other.
You miss them when you’re not together-Big time agree here. I may occupy myself with things in her absence but I don’t want to do that too long, I want to be with my Filipina.
You make decisions together-Another good sign the relationship is solid. I don’t know how it can be any other way, if decisions are not made together, what is the reason? If they are not made together, the odds are that the couple is not in synch, and their long-term goals might conflict. I agree with the author that this is a good sign, and a necessary one.
I think the first indication I had that we had a stable relationship was when we had survived multiple arguments over time. When a foreigner travels to the other side of his world to marry someone from another country and culture, and perhaps an age gap, I believe it is going to be a longer than usual getting to know each other stage. I didn’t let that deter me from asking Aiza to marry me. I hope no one is waiting until everything seems perfect between the two before getting married, because there will always be conflict and if two people are committed to each other, they can work through it.
Even a sold as a rock relationship between a foreigner and a Filipina will take continued nurturing and adapting and devotion to each other to stay that way. I’m working on that now with my Love Beyond the Sea.