You’ll hear a lot about the Filipina’s need to adjust to the new country she immigrates to, and she’ll need to adjust to her husband, but in what ways will he need to adapt to her? Let’s talk about that today. Subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea and I will do my best to help western men adapt to life with a woman from the Philippines. You can get notifications by tapping the bell and I know you have comments, feel free to share them with me. How have I needed to adapt to my Filipina wife?
Family bond-I want to caution anyone desiring to bring a Filipina to their country on a spousal or fiancé visa not to expect her to drop everything she’s accustomed to once she’s arrived. The homesickness she experiences could be pronounced and lengthy. I’m not saying she isn’t excited to be in your country, but she may not be as excited as you think she is or are expecting her to be. A westerner is more likely to be free-spirited and not want things tying them down but the Filipina wants to earn money for her beloved family, and is willing to be a good wife to a man overseas.
She probably is intrigued by your country and would like to explore it a little, but in order for you to not over react to her strong family bond, it is helpful to accept it as it is, something that is engrained in her culture and isn’t going away. Her family is still in the Philippines, they didn’t make the trip with her.
Talking with family-Something different than with a local relationship, is she can’t just go and visit her family and friends and talk to them in person. With a Filipina, she takes the time zone difference into account and will communicate back home on her phone with a certain amount of regularity. You might think that she just talked to them yesterday, why again today, but she has a lot of family. Try not to see this as not being interested in you, it’s just that I think you have to allocate a certain amount of time for her to talk to her family. It really is an investment in your marriage.
Supporting her family financially-If your Filipina wife doesn’t want to work (unlikely) or if her husband doesn’t want her to work, then he would need to be prepared to send money back home either on a regular basis or for certain situations. This should be talked about before getting married. Neither one of you will know what is coming down the pike with needs, it’s impossible to tell. I think a Filipina will want to limit the help from her husband so as to not take advantage of him, and will have an obligation to help her family in various ways.
Social Media-Your Filipina might spend more time with Facebook and Facebook messenger than you were expecting, but she needs that. She has more friends than you do and has all these family members she has been keeping up with, so don’t deny her that. She will appreciate being allowed to keep using social media. My wife enjoys some music videos, she watches some popular television shows from the Philippines and there’s no reason to limit that once she has immigrated.
Driving-While a wife prospect in your country can probably drive, that’s not as likely with a Filipina. There are advantages to teaching your Filipina wife how to drive and this is something you might prefer to avoid but keep in mind that is she wants to work, either you will need to pick her up and take her there or she will need to do it herself.
Tampo-This is the Filipina version of the silent treatment. I will link a video for you in the description box about what I believe is the best way to handle it. That essentially comes down to learning what she is upset about, letting her have her space while she is in tampo, not troubling her to snap out of it, and apologizing for what has upset her and then being nice to her. We’ve been married since May of 2015 and tampo hasn’t been a problem.
Just understand her feelings are hurt, her feelings aren’t wrong, give her time, say you’re sorry, and learn from the experience. I think it’s only a big deal when it isn’t understood. My video will explain why she does it and what she wants you to do when she is in tampo.
Unfamiliarity-She will not know where anything is if she has just immigrated so this will take some time to adjust to. She won’t want to just stay home or she will get bored. Another adaption that is needed from her western husband.
Language-If you aren’t used to hearing an unfamiliar language around you, this could be annoying but is just something a westerner will have to adapt to. Whether it’s talking to her family and friends or watching a show from the Philippines, you will hear the Filipino language a lot.
Cooking-She will likely want to stick with her favorites from the Philippines including white rice, and you may not be used to the aroma of certain foods she cooks but it’s just something to accept. She will want to locate a good Asian grocery store to buy her favorite foods.
There are the usual adjustments to a spouse but the ones I listed first are probably the main ones to be concerned about with a Filipina. Being able to adapt is crucial when you are together with your love beyond the sea!