Let’s talk about 7 ways to be winning teammates in marriage. I married a woman from the Philippines in 2015 and some say we are a good couple. Here are some reasons why that is. Being good teammates takes intentionality. Please subscribe to Love Beyond the Sea or Casting Beyond The Sea for Podcasts that will help you know how to have a good marriage to I think, any woman, and I have experience with a Filipina. Comments are encouraged, I don’t know why I rarely get them. If I am wrong about something let me know. I’m here to help.
Support and encourage-My wife is less verbal that I am, she always says I talk so much, but this is a way for me to offer encouragement. I encourage by saying things, by being aware of good qualities and pointing them out. My wife on the other hand, is more likely to encourage by just being there for me, and being consistent day to day, which I appreciate.
Support and encouragement is needed when she immigrates to the foreigner’s country. She’ll need a lot of it. Even after the relationship is established, or they’ve been together a few years, nothing must be taken for granted. It would be great if we always tried to outdo each other in being good to each other, but that isn’t realistic. There will be times one will need extra attention paid to them. It isn’t 50/50. I can see later on in my life, since I am a lot older than she is, needing a lot of caregiving from her. If she wanted it to be 50/50 she could have married under different circumstances.
I can help my wife by building her up, by accentuating the positive things about her, by making her feel good about herself, and by encouraging her to not try to do more than she is capable, to help her prevent getting burned out. She is relied upon at work, she is going to college. Wow, what an amazing woman. She needs my encouragement.
Team before self-“Be all that you can be!”. “Have it your way”. These can’t be slogans for a good foreigner and Filipina marriage. Being married means sacrificing whatever it takes for the good of the marriage; to win. This will either appeal to someone or it will repel them. The team player wants to be a part of something bigger than himself and is willing to experience pain to achieve success. We see this very clearly in a Filipina going across the world to marry a man she doesn’t know all that well, in order to send money back home. She still wants a good husband and she still wants to be a good wife. She is making a rather large sacrifice all things considered.
I could have resigned myself to stay single since after thirty years of searching I had been unsuccessful but was willing to make some sacrifices and concessions. This part is extremely difficult for the person who has a lot of individual goals for their life and isn’t willing to sacrifice them for the good of the relationship if need be. I could have stayed single and maybe retired financially comfortable, but not at the expense of being alone. I don’t mind parting with money if it can meet needs that my wife has. You can’t take it with you. If you desire marital unity, be a giver. Sacrifice for her. You will be leading her to see the importance of being a team player.
Being willing to retire in the Philippines for my wife is something we have discussed. Some might be tempted to say that the benefits in our kind of marriage favors the Filipina, but they don’t realize the value she brings to me. I am helping her in ways she needs and she is helping me in ways that I need, but we are never to insist on our rights in marriage. I think you relinquish that when you get married, for the good of the marriage.
In sports, sometimes very talented players have to play a supporting role, not a leading role, for the team to have its best success. What they want isn’t as important as helping the team in the way they can. Sometimes a very talented player can keep the team from reaching its potential because they are more focused on their success than doing what is necessary for the team to win, which is like my next point.
Don’t underachieve as a team-Doing the things I am listing will help us not underachieve. There are teams that you think would be more successful with all the talent they have, but they get beaten by teams with less talent. It might be they aren’t trying as hard as they should. It might be certain players are trying to do too much, or trying to do things they aren’t good at. Maybe they aren’t listening to the coaches, maybe the coaches aren’t flexible or are resistant to change, maybe the players focus is on something else. It could be the team lacks the right game plan.
It takes a lot of things to go well which is essentially what I want this channel Love Beyond The Sea to help with. The foreigner and Filipina will bring incompatibilities into the relationship, so adjustments will be needed to be made in order to function in a unified way.
Shared decision making-A dictatorship won’t cut it. A woman’s intuition is needed by her husband in making decisions. Just having another perspective can help avoid making bad choices. If I were to insist on making all the decisions, my wife wouldn’t feel like her opinion mattered. In high level football the head coach hires an offensive and defensive coordinator to help him make the right decisions. Not only should I make large decisions together with my wife, but I need to be open to counsel from someone I trust, so that I make or agree to making decisions for the good of the team.
Know your role-This is a big one and these points have been in no particular order. My role as a Christian is of her servant-leader. I lead by serving her. That is Christ’s example by virtue of his life. That doesn’t mean I am her slave. Christ is certainly not the slave of his bride the church, yet he serves her. He said he did not come to be served, but to serve and to give himself a ransom for many. Ephesians 5:23 says the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, and 1 Corinthians 11:3 says the head of the woman is the man. In short, I am responsible for my wife’s wellbeing and am to stop at nothing to meet her needs.
That’s a very satisfying role by the way. Marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church, that’s why I know that by being a servant-leader of my wife, she will respond to that love with love of her own. In sports I liken it to a basketball point guard who is the leader of the offense, but whose main job is not to score points, it is to get the ball to other players to score. He can score too but that’s not his primary role, which is to make the team better. A point guard needs to be an unselfish player.
Don’t point fingers-It’s easy to blame each other when things go wrong, but how helpful is this? We know when we screw up. Admit when you’re wrong and show grace to your wife when she’s done wrong. Forgive and try to make up quickly. If there is a serious problem, it’s still best to try to resolve it without blaming, instead trying to look for a solution.
Don’t be critical-The last way I will mention to help teamwork is by not being critical. You can’t fix your partner, you can’t change their personality, you can’t change their quirks, and you can’t change the past. Being critical can cause the Filipina to figure “why even try anymore” to please her husband. Criticism tends to tear down; praise tends to build up. I will link a video I made about how to praise your Filipina wife in the description box.
“A house divided against itself cannot stand.” I am part of a team with my love beyond the sea.