There is so much to say about the idea of being too picky that I simply could not do it in one video so I am continuing that idea here today. While you can’t get to the Philippines as a tourist yet, let’s be prepared for when that does happen.
Here are six additional ways of being too picky. If you are older, I think you’ll need to be less picky than someone who is much younger. Please subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea for considerations when looking for a Filipina wife and mostly, how to have a good marriage and stay married. Podcasts are available on Podbean and remember to go where you’re wanted. We’ve been married for over six and a half years. Please get notifications by clicking the bell and it is also important to click on “ADD” to be able to get those notifications.
“The one”-I’ll mention this. If the man is under the impression that there is just one woman out there, then he is going to be ultra-picky to make sure he doesn’t marry the wrong one. His emphasis could be on not making a mistake, instead of making a good choice. What if “the one” isn’t a Filipina? Maybe she is in another country or maybe she actually is in America, and might be five years older than he is? Maybe she is a feminist who can bench press you ten times? Perhaps she already married someone else. Alright I’m not serious.
This could be paralyzing. It would be better to look at it this way-there could be multiple “the one’s”. A Filipina may actually believe in only one soulmate. Let her determine if that is you, while you try to find someone that could make you a good wife.
Someone with few flaws-I know we all know this, but if we don’t notice some kind of flaw in them, we will discover it later. It might be her accent, the way she laughs, the way she pronounces some words, some kind of quirky mannerism, but those are things we can’t do anything about and aren’t worth delaying the search. Maybe she has an annoying habit. Don’t major in minor things. Even a Filipina will have something about them that bothers you a little. You have to be ready for anything as we don’t know what the future holds for us if we do get married. You surely will be marrying an imperfect person.
Hung up on looks-This is a tough one, with so many incredibly beautiful Filipinas. A guy could get hung up on which perfect looking Filipina is more perfect looking. Just wait until tomorrow, she will sign up, but later on another one will dazzle you. There is a vast variety of beautiful Filipinas out there. An idea would be to find one you like, then focus your search on character.
Too many “deal breakers”-I think the only one I had was that I needed a Christian. Well, there was a lady who I think may have needed a translator so I decided to cross her off the list, which did make me feel bad, but that’s what happens when you are trying to find a right one. You will have deal breakers, but it will help to not have so many that it takes a long time to identify one. A guy at work who was 37, so he could afford to be picky, having more time to look, identified a woman on a Filipina dating site in a couple of months, and went steady, then got married. What are deal breakers that you have now or did have when you were looking for a Filipina?
Normally a man is older than that when he begins to explore the Philippines for a wife, and to me, that makes time of the essence. Which means making it a point to not be too picky. In the playlist for internet dating I will link, you will find some videos talking about pace, not having regrets, having options, hesitancy, chatting with one or several Filipinas and other videos related to a foreigner and the pursuit of a Filipina.
Expecting to be overwhelmed emotionally (fall in love)-It may be that this category is more likely in a face-to-face relationship, but it might be able to apply to internet dating as well, depending on the person. I hope we all want to fall in love, it is not only a female desire. The commercials I saw in the Philippines for Jollibee seemed to always be about romance, for fast food! I sense there is a lot of that in the Philippines, in television and commercials.
Chemistry could occur the first date or chat, it would take longer for compatibility to be revealed. Some people desire to have an emotional experience, some kind of emotional high or connection, you might even call it falling in love, as a prerequisite for identifying miss right.
The first time I could say that I started to develop stronger feelings for Aiza was after she began to be more open and trusted me to learn more about her. It helped develop a bond that I don’t think can be broken by anything except death. This was likely within a couple of weeks of chatting with her often, so it was fast but it wasn’t something that we expected, that’s the key. It happened naturally out of focusing on each other. Early on we decided to focus exclusively on each other until there was a reason not to. By doing so, stronger feelings continued to develop for me. I never saw it as being a search for “the one”.
I am on record as stating that love, the kind that matters in marriage, that holds it together, is not an emotion, not a feeling, but an action. It isn’t a noun; it is a verb. It doesn’t depend on how I am being treated; it seeks the good of the other, independent of circumstances. I believe that when a commitment to love this way happens, that those strong feelings of intimacy that we call feelings of love begin to intensify. Do you know what those feelings are called at the outset of a relationship?
It is Infatuation, which is about feelings. It can depart as fast as it came to be. Love that lasts, is a commitment to what is best for each other, putting the needs of the other above our own. This kind of love, is reciprocated, and that’s how the relationship is sustained over the years.
That’s all I have for why you shouldn’t be too picky in choosing a Filipina. There is one thing that can make it appear that the man is being too picky, when he isn’t really, and that is fear.
Fear- Fear can make a search longer than it has to be, by making the options unappealing, no matter how many profiles of Filipinas are looked at. Some things that could elicit fear or being timid in going all out would be the fear of having to become transparent at some point, and let the Filipina see what there is inside of you.
This person can get along with the Filipinas but have trouble taking things to the next level because they worry that knowing them better or being known better themselves is going to ruin it. I think the best thing to do in that case is to realize that the sooner this man finds that out, the sooner he can take the relationship to a higher level, or find out it has maxed out.
It is possible someone could also experience fear at the thought of needing to reveal things about himself. For some guys it is just uncomfortable being more open and transparent. But it’s a great thrill to be able to find out she can accept him as he is, which would help him be more comfortable in opening up.
A man could be fearful of pursuing a Filipina due to not being confident he can be someone she will like. In Love Beyond The Sea, I have many videos about foreigner and Filipina relationships that could help a man feel more assured.
Another one I will list here is fear from a relationship that didn’t work in the past. He might still be stinging from it, causing him to look too casually, or he might have confidence in himself it’s just that a bad experience or two has him jaded, and wondering if the next one will be like those were. This could lead to being very cautious, very picky to try to ensure that this next one doesn’t end up like some others.
The final fear I will list just in case it resonates with someone, is the fear that the relationship just might actually work, that after all this time, he has a legitimate chance at a relationship with a beautiful Filipina. It sounds strange, but if he thinks that it could really happen, and the choices are so many that is should happen, now he has to consider things he didn’t think he’d have to.
He knows that a relationship can be an emotional roller coaster and there will be hurt feelings. With an international relationship there are apt to be more surprises than normal. I have some videos that talk about the adaptation period if you want to scroll through the playlist called Foreigner and Filipina Relationships and there are many, many videos there. I want to help prepare men for what’s up ahead.
Thanks for watching. The process of looking online for a Filipina is an exhilarating one. Use common sense, watch out for red flags, know what you’re looking for and don’t be too picky!
You will be that much closer to finding your love beyond the sea.
