Relationship Advice

Do My Filipina Wife and I Spend Too Much Time Together?

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No one has suggested to me that my wife and I spend too much time together, but once in a while I think about that. I know many people want to get married but aren’t so keen on moving away from some familiar activities after they do. I had been told by someone when I met my wife online, that we were spending too much time chatting (about 4 hours a day) and I disagreed with that. I can rationalize the amount of time we spend together now that we are married, and besides, together is my favorite place to be. After 6.5 years of marriage and growing this relationship, I cherish it and her more each day.

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I think I do spend a lot of time with my Filipina wife. I wish I could spend even more time with her so we could experience different things with each other. Sometimes people have concerns about two people spending an inordinate amount of time together. They say you have to have a life of your own, you have to let the other person have a life of their own. I think the dynamics of seeking and finding a wife in the Philippines require more time spent together once married. Here are some reasons why.

She is a fish out of water-The Filipina will feel out of place maybe more than you realize when she immigrates to you. She won’t know where anything is. You will be able to show her special places to you and the places she will be seeing a lot of such as grocery stores, the mall, you’ll need to find her a physician, a dentist, every place that you go to. She will have to get used to different people; she won’t have any friends. She might be unfamiliar with the currency. All of this makes her feel very insecure in this new environment. She will need to spend quality time with her husband for as long as she needs to get adjusted.

I did have the pleasure of meeting my wife in the Philippines, met her friends and family and we got married in front of them. Initially I thought about a fiancé visa so that I didn’t have to spend the time and money to go to the Philippines. Then we could get married in the States. I am glad I didn’t because I would have missed out on learning what I did about the Philippines, especially where my wife lived. That at least gave me some perspective on her life, which I would have regretted not experiencing. At least I had a head start on trying to see things from her perspective and that is a good thing to do during your marriage.

That helped me be able to sympathize with her and maybe anticipate how she might struggle early on. I can’t imagine what it would be like to not have been to the Philippines first. Some men don’t meet a woman to marry in person until they have immigrated, unless I misunderstand fiancé visas. They might make the mistake of thinking the Filipina has put her life in the Philippines in her rear-view mirror and is elated to get started overseas. I don’t think her adaptation is going to go well if her husband doesn’t spend quality time with her, for as long as she needs him to. This is especially true if her husband is still working full-time. He would do well to put some of his own things on the back burner for a while and of course, take a long vacation with her.

You are her best friend in her new country-She will be keeping in touch with her family a lot early on, and she should. But the rest of the time she needs her foreigner husband to be with her and to not force her to “get with it” now that she is away from home. You want her to make friends eventually, but she might be in a state of shock for a while, especially if the weather is a jolt to her system. Here again, other relationships need to take a back seat for a while. Being single was the time to find a woman, but now is the time to make her introduction into your country a good one. That includes introducing her to all of your family and speaking well about her.

She will rely on you for a while-My wife didn’t find a job right away so early on she was in the apartment we had at the time, by herself. At some time in our morning, her friends and family in the Philippines would be going to sleep so there is a huge gap where she had to find things to do. Because of the time zone difference, the best times for her to speak to her family are in our morning and their evenings. To me that tells me that I need to spend quality and quantity time with her when I am not at work. That’s what we did then, now I am retired. She won’t know how to drive, she will want to see where everything is in the city, and I will need to be the one to help her. It will be very frustrating to her if I am not there for her when she needs me. She isn’t just going to be content to be overseas, she married me and I will need to be her chief companion until she makes friends.

She hasn’t had time to learn new things-I mentioned this in the last point. The good thing is by helping show her around, or explain anything that is new to her, I get to spend time with her. That can sometimes be a little frustrating because you’re not used to doing that, but for her sake, I need to be patient and show her that I am happy to help her learn the things she needs to learn. There is so much for her to absorb in a new country. If she is eager to see things then I would try to accommodate her. If she needs more down time, then do that.

You will need to explore things to enjoy together-Here is where it gets exciting. You may not have a lot in common, but now that you are together, you can look for activities that can become a common interest. My wife said she liked plays, so we went to an outside theater and saw “The Little Mermaid”, and I came away impressed with the production of it, and we enjoyed a nice evening outdoors doing something she liked to do. We also did this again another time.

Another time we went to a local theater for the performing arts and saw “Cinderella” there. It was on the pricey side, and you wanted to dress up a bit, and I had never been there before. Again, it was impressive to see the talent and how they change from scene to scene so seamlessly.

One day she mentioned Branson Missouri as a place she thought might be fun and this is another place I had never been or intended to, because it was seven hours away. Being married though, obligates me to being open to doing new things and being married to a newly immigrated Filipina makes it especially important. We saw the play “Moses” there, which was spectacular. We went there another time too, and saw different shows and had a good time together. When she started working full-time, opportunities like this were going to be less available so I am glad we took advantage of that time.

She won’t be employed right away-Just be aware that if she is used to being employed, she could get restless just sitting at home, and there is a high probability she will want to work fairly soon. Until then, she will want your attention as soon as you get home. Who knows how long this will last? Make the most of the time you have before she gets caught up in the American way of work, work, work.

You put in a lot of work to be with her-I know what it’s like going through the immigration process, the costs, the forms, the waiting, not to mention being single for so long. I didn’t invest all this into being with her to get her here then go back to my old way of life. This was the moment I was waiting for! Working myself six days a week meant we needed to be organized and communicate about what we will do. My wife and I are both homebodies, so that works in our favor.

I consider my wife my best friend. She listens to me when I need to pour out my heart about something. All my single friends got married and fell off the face of the earth. She knows things about me that others don’t. I want to spend a lot of time with her.

Being away from each other for two weeks while she was in the Philippines awhile back, was hard on me. We hadn’t been apart in three years. The internet connection and reception wasn’t that good and she couldn’t hear me sometimes. For sure, I won’t be taking being with her for granted after that.

There is no place I’d rather be than with my love beyond the sea!

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