Relationship Advice

Is my Fil-Am Marriage Fair? Do I Overemphasize my Wife?

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Sometimes I think people could get the impression that my marriage with my Filipina is unfair or unevenly balanced, well because, I tend to put her on a pedestal. There is a reason for that, and, I will talk a bit about fairness. Please subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea for insights about marrying a Filipina, from various aspects from all phases of the relationship. We married very quickly so that almost all of our time together has been as husband and wife, and I want to share what I have learned to help others. I’m glad you’re here, leave a comment and get notifications for upcoming videos. Podcasts are available on Podbean or over at

I admit that I hold my wife in high esteem because of the worth that she has to me. I sought for someone to marry for thirty years and nearly gave up before joining Christian Filipina in 2015. I am a better person because of her. I respect her greatly, she is very skilled, bright, hardworking, there I go again! My point is that I think very highly of her and am so grateful she accepted my marriage proposal. One of the things I want to teach on this channel is to treasure your Filipina wife, so careful consideration of how good she is to me and what she means to me is the order of the day.

When it comes to fairness, that makes me think of the term “50/50”. I don’t live as if that is a goal of mine in our relationship. I tend to see things in black and white, which makes it easier for me to do what I have to do. To me a “50/50” relationship practically speaking sounds like some kind of trade off, like, “I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine” or “I’ll do something for you if you do something for me”, or “I made my move, now it’s your turn.”

I know it sounds paradoxical but my philosophy going into this marriage was that if I concerned myself with giving to my wife, to be generous to her, that she would in turn, respond to me. That is different than doing something in order to get something, I am treating her well because I love her and trust that when I do good to her, she will naturally respond to that, and give me whatever she feels I deserve. I am not looking for anything in particular and I don’t feel as if she must respond in a certain way, I just want to bless her and go about my business.

If I married a sensible, woman with integrity and character, I don’t have to worry about what she gives to me, she will naturally respond with goodness. It makes me happy to invest myself in her life for her good. I think it’s the right thing to do and at 60 I feel like I have had enough time to do my own thing. I married a younger Filipina who makes my life better, and I enjoy taking good care of her and making her feel good about herself. I think that will always be rewarded or reciprocated, if the wife has a heart. Does this make sense?

It seems to be working. I can say that my needs are being met, the reasons I married are being fulfilled and all I am doing is trying to be as supportive and helpful of my Filipina as I can. Like the Bible verse says “Give and it shall be given unto you, good measure, shaken together and running over shall men give unto your bosom.” It is talking about giving to men (or women) and blessing being returned by other men (or women). I think this is better than theoretically giving then expecting something in return or even worse, giving, not getting in return what you think you deserve, then withholding giving in the future.

One last thing, there may be times when one of the spouses needs more attention than the other. For example, when my wife immigrated here to America, I needed to focus on her a lot because she was the one that had the biggest adjustment to make. It is also likely that when I am older and simply need someone to help me with things, my wife will gladly help me. Right now, I don’t need caregiving help, but in the future, she might have to be quite involved with that.

The way I look at it, I don’t deserve my Filipina wife, so life isn’t fair.

That’s ok with me, as long as I am with my love beyond the sea!

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