Relationship Advice

Is an LDR with a Filipina a Real Relationship?

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Something we’ve talked about on this channel is how long should a western man wait until meeting a Filipina in person, and by extension, how long should the Filipina wait for him to show up. Today, I want to dig a litter deeper and ask the question “Is a long-distance relationship a real relationship? Subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea where I go the distance to provide real info about relating well with a Filipina. Get notifications by tapping the bell, clicking ADD to complete the process and by all means, bring your comments.

I can just see someone telling another person they have been involved in a LDR with a woman who lives perhaps thousands of miles from him, and being greeted with incredulity. Someone could assume that this is the only kind this guy could get, and that it isn’t bona fide. Before I went down the LDR road to meet my Aiza, I may have been inclined to believe that such a relationship really wasn’t one at all. Why would I think that? Here are four main reasons and I am NOT trying to discourage anyone from going so far as the Philippines to meet a woman to marry.

The distance is too great to do things together-That’s the first thought I had back then. How could someone say they are involved in a dating relationship, something that is normally expected end in marriage to someone, when they almost can never be in each other’s company? Personally, I had extended my boundaries out to 100 to 200 miles as a last-ditch effort to find someone but that was only out of desperation as trying to find someone locally just wasn’t working. I felt like a distance this great would only slow things down since I would spend most of my time driving.

This dilemma is countered and resolved to a high degree with webcamming apps like Skype, Viber and Facebook just to name three and there are likely a bunch more. Twenty years ago, even if I had known about these apps, I wouldn’t have used them because I felt like you had to be sitting right there in front of each other the old-fashioned way, in order to qualify for a relationship.

There are creative ways these days like playing games online together, using your camera to go places “together”, you can watch movies together. In today’s dating climate, these apps narrow the vast distance between two people in an LDR. To me this isn’t ideal, however in the “old days” you needed to correspond with hand-written letters and besides, using these apps is a great way to gauge how you get along, get to know each other, and decide if the relationship has potential. There is an aspect of this that I definitely don’t like, as in this next one-

You can’t touch them-When relying on webcams, you can’t end the date with a hug or kiss. I believe this kind of communication qualifies as dating, but I used to be skeptical whether it could be considered a relationship. The more I mused on this, the more I began to believe that there could be a silver-lining, and that would be that it is easier to avoid the strong emotions that can result if the westerner and Filipina are able to have physical contact.

Avoiding the sexual aspect should help keep the relationship focused on the experience of being with the other person and learning about each other. This leads to my third way I would have been reluctant to define a LDR as a real relationship.

The distance is making it “safe”-While the vast distance helps with avoiding temptation, I believe it stunts growth opportunity. I endorse LDRs but at some point, the relationship is going to stagnate if the two don’t meet in person, and the westerner will need to take initiative to visit the Filipina. Within a year or less seems sensible to me. I believe it is at this point where it can cease being real and healthy, as in growth potential, and being in the safe zone can be comfortable and fun, because you don’t want it to end. It’s exciting, it’s nice to brag about to your friends, but sooner or later you’ll need to meet her and find out what the two of you are really like individually and as a couple. Is it a match or is it like water and oil?

Even after meeting, the westerner likely won’t have the time and possible the money to visit longer than two or three weeks, not if he is still working. His initial meeting might go well and will surely yield more knowledge of how well-suited they are for each other, but I think only being married and dealing with stuff day after today with no safety net will get everything out on the table. If they have similar values, they have a good chance of working things out when “life hits them right between the eyes” with unexpected circumstances.

Our faith was what allowed me to ask her to marry her after only 18 days, and she accepted, then we started the wedding plans and visa paperwork and I rushed out to marry her. We’ve been married for over seven years.

They can’t meet your family and friends-A fourth way I was inclined to think these LDRs were dubious was that your family and friends would lack the opportunity to meet the Filipina up close and personal. The good thing today is that the webcam apps can be used for family and friends to meet your Filipina prospect, and phone apps make that simple. They can then ask questions and get a feel for the relationship and maybe pick up on things the westerner may have missed. In our case I had my mother, aunt and pastor at church come to my apartment and Skype with Aiza, who welcomed the opportunity.

It worked for us, an LDR is legit, but I believe the success will be driven by the westerner’s intent on finding more than just a pretty face to text with and see on camera. I just think the distance barrier calls for much intentionality if more than a modern-day pen pal is the goal.

Today a LDR doesn’t carry the stigma it used to and is a real relationship IF the goal is marriage. It is a viable method to find a wife despite some inherent flaws. That’s my take, let me know if you agree or not, or if you have struggled with the concept of a LDR being a real one.

Without it, I wouldn’t have found love beyond the sea.

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