Your wife or fiancé will spend the majority of her time with you so treating her in a way that sets the tone for what she perceives will be the norm of the relationship is important.
I shouldn’t raise my voice. Need self-control. Need to apologize. This is also an important time to help build her self-esteem. She will feel like a fish out of water to some extent. She will need encouragement.
Use words that build her up. Remark about her beauty, tell her why you married her, what she does well, thank her for her cooking, for the way she decorates the home. I have made it a daily experience to kiss her, touch her, and tell her I love her before I get out of bed, before I leave work, and as soon as I walk in the door after work.
This is to show her I won’t and don’t take her for granted. Especially if you are working still, as I am, it is important to be praying for Filipinas for her to meet. You can just ask different people or look for an Asian Center to call.
Last night my wife and I were told there was a local restaurant where some Filipinos frequented, so we’ll have to check that out. Her friends don’t all have to be Filipinas of course. At this time, about three months here, she had met an amazing total of nine Filipinas! She is closer to some than to others, but I didn’t know there were that many Filipinas in the entire city.
I have found church to be an excellent place for my wife to meet women for socializing. The women at church have been very friendly and have done a lot to help my wife make contacts, all without me asking them to. A Filipino counselor or mentor I have who is in the Philippines, knows my wife, and attended our wedding, reminded me we are still in the “learning about each other stage” and that I should exercise much patience.
That was good advice. Being together will bring out the stressors that tempt you to say things or do things you will regret, so remind yourself to be patient and forgiving. Say you are sorry quickly and resolve disputes relatively quickly. The way you treat her the first three months together may very well be the way she assumes she will be treated the rest of her marriage. Before our wedding and now that she is here, I have continued to stress to her that she is the love of my life, and nothing will come between us.
I try my best to treat her as my queen, that her needs, wants, desires, interests and privileges come before mine. I am not important anymore; I married her to love her and to make her life better. Now, I get to prove it each day.
Women are responders, they will respond to your positivity and selflessness.
