I wanted to make a video about one tip that would very much help you to get along with a Filipina if you are interested in pursuing one. Please subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea where I am giving advice from my experience being married to a Filipina, to help foreign men thinking about doing the same. Comments are welcome and you can get notifications for upcoming videos. Not doing this would be a big turn off to any woman, especially a Filipina, and that is speaking too loudly and too fast. I will link a playlist called Communication in the description box, but today’s emphasis is on manner of speech.
They say it isn’t what you say but how you say it. I keep hearing about how American men are loud, confrontational and talk too fast, that we have bad tempers. I have to watch my temper and the way I talk to my Filipina wife. She is coming from a society or culture where being argumentative is not approved of, especially in public, and I think many of us guys will need to be careful about not bludgeoning our spouse with our opinion or side of the story, if we feel strongly that we are in the right.
When we are in that mode, often the tone of our voice can result in friction with a Filipina, take my word for it. Obviously, not yelling at your Filipina is a good thing, but raising your voice just short of shouting is still going to result in tampo. For me, I naturally conclude that the louder I talk, the more my point will get made, and while that might even be true, the manner I make my point could cause a rift between us. I won’t even get into facial expressions as I have heard since I was small that I get a look that could kill when I am upset. Even my wife has told me that. No, I am not going to demonstrate that for you. I think that is because I am very emotional, but I can’t use that to justify or excuse how I speak.
This is one of those times it helps to count to ten before responding. The way I express myself to my wife can bely the way I really feel about her, and I must be careful about that. I don’t want to give her the wrong impression and I don’t want her to be afraid of me. I know for some of us that is going to be a challenge so I wanted to call attention to this, if you are wanting to date or marry a Filipina; if you want to date and marry any woman and I certainly encourage that!
Another way to help with tone of voice is to look back and realize how detrimental raising your voice has been with women in the past, or even family members, people you care about. If you pretty much know that being out of control with your speech volume will net you hurt feelings and tampo, it seems senseless and foolish to go there, doesn’t it? I think it is better to focus on the words that we use, rather than the tone we use to express them. In other words, focus on trying to get your point across without being emotional. She will be able to hear them more clearly than when they are being expressed in rage.
Your Filipina wife is your partner and emotional outbursts are probably more likely to occur when married because for one thing, you have been through a lot with the immigration process, you’ve paid all the fees and pursued her and may feel that you don’t deserve whatever the clash is about, additionally, you might think that since you are married, you have the right to be matter of fact with her.
If you are not married, one of you can always walk out the door and neither owes the other anything, I really believe that, because no commitment had been made publicly before God and witnesses, so don’t marry unless you are willing to “fight fair” and do whatever it takes to live in harmony. It doesn’t come naturally. I have lost control, that happens to a lot of guys, but it is not good for your relationship.
The other thing I will mention briefly is if the Filipina you are with does not have English as her first or primary language, she is probably going to have a tough time if you speak too fast, whether upset or not. Speaking more slowly will allow her to process your words a lot better, she will appreciate this. When I hear Filipinos speak fast, I think to myself that I would never be able to understand what they are saying.
Something else for you to be aware of, is that a Filipina is very likely to not ask you what you meant when you spoke too fast. She may be too shy to, not wanting to come across as not having good English comprehension, therefor not being smart. Be aware of indications she might not have understood you, even though she doesn’t admit it, when you sense that. That could be from her reaction not quite fitting what you were expecting, or she starts to say something then stops, or her facial expression looks like she isn’t sure yet.
A lower voice and slower speech is how to communicate with your love beyond the sea.