This is an upload converted from a livestream and is about keeping your wife “Philippinized”, maintaining the attributes that attracted you to her in the first place. After I married my Filipina wife in May of 2015, I have been watching YouTube videos and reading about foreigners and Filipinas. I want to learn all I can about having a good relationship with them, and I decided to start a YouTube channel called Love Beyond The Sea, about marital love with my wife, a Filipina from beyond the sea.
My intent is to encourage foreign men to marry a Filipina and help them to have a good marriage. I have many videos and have many more I’d like to make. There is one particular topic that I didn’t even become familiar with until after I married my wife, and that is that many foreigners are very concerned about the woman they marry eventually turning into some kind of monster, that is to say, become “Americanized”. It can probably be used synonymously with “westernized”.
Some men have been victimized by this change in attitude. I intend to make a video called “The type of Filipina you can bring to America”. It would be a video about traits to look for that would indicate the woman you are getting serious about is likely to be able to adapt to the United States and remain relatively unaffected by western ways. That would be a nice addition to “Why you should bring your Filipina to America, which details some advantages for her being in America as opposed to the Philippines. Add this video to it and you have a nice three-box set available for the holidays for only 9.99!
Today the scenario is that a foreign man is with his Filipina wife in America (and this could be any “westernized” country), he has heard about the phenomenon of some Filipinas morphing into the type of woman he didn’t want to marry in the first place. What do I mean by the term “Americanized”?
That word has to do with an attitude, a bad one. Feministic, selfish, not committed, money hungry, divorcing her husband for his money. She’ll want to party, cover herself with tattoos, maybe get muscular. The fear is that the sweet, caring, frugal Filipina you thought you married is now selfish, makes bad financial decisions and doesn’t want to cook for her husband or make a nice place to live in. Another way to look at it is that you’ll marry a woman from a different culture, one that you find endearing, only to bring her to America and slowly she erodes into the type of woman you were looking to get away from by seeking someone in the Philippines.
I believe Filipinas make great wives, and a man should still pursue them for marriage, but if someone is deeply concerned a Filipina could become “Americanized”, he might talk himself out of it. Here are some things you could do that might help prevent such a transformation, to be prepared to help her once she has arrived in America.
As we progress through this video, feel free to comment on how you have dealt with this, or if there are other concerns you would have if you brought a Filipina wife to America. I will have the main points in the description box and will summarize at the conclusion of this video. As I like to do in my videos, I want to be very practical in how to do things and what to do and tonight is no different, so there will be a lot of practical things listed, things that you can do, anyone can do, it’s not magical, just practical. The more of them in your repertoire, the better. Let’s get started.
The foundational idea is that her husband is to take responsibility for a healthy and safe culture or environment for her-The points in this video are derived from this perspective. In my videos I stress the importance of the man, the husband in setting the tone for the relationship. Someone has to take the initiative, and I think it is best when the man does. If he is aware of the danger of becoming “Americanized”, then he needs to ward off any possibility of this happening.
I am going to assume that the Filipina is not scamming the foreigner by marrying him. I am going to assume that for the purpose of this video the foreigner has made a good choice in a marriage partner. Why then would a Filipina start to “look around”? Why would her attitude start to change, assuming initially she wasn’t planning on “changing”?
It could be that she doesn’t feel financially safe and She doesn’t feel emotionally attached-Most of this video will deal with the second aspect of being emotionally attached although the first aspect is important too. We should take full responsibility for the things we can control. There is no way to shield or protect a Filipina from the society around her but as a husband there are many things you can do to help her feel that her home environment is healthy and safe. Again, make comments here or in the archive if you have them.
Tell her that America may not be what she thinks it is-The perception she has of America being some kind of paradise with readily accessible money and all kinds of spare time is one she might have when she steps off that plane. We know what it is like here since we have lived here but a Filipina might have an inaccurate idea of what it is really like. When we were dating on line (we got married in 54 days), she already could tell that by working six days a week, I had to be on a regular schedule. That had to stay the same after we were married because of how expensive it is here in America, and how difficult it can be to have enough money to retire here.
It is ok to tell her that working many hours is normal and working into your sixties. Some people work even after that. There isn’t always money to do fun things like travel and budgets are often tight. She will likely need to find a job here and some of her earnings may need to go for your expenses as a couple. Her work environment will expect her to be on time, not “Filipino time” and her coworkers may not be as lovable as in the Philippines.
America is a very liberal country in general, so that is something you should make her aware of. I am grateful to be born here and live here but I haven’t minced my words with my wife about what I do not like about this country and I have said it more than a few times. America has become morally bankrupt. You have to always be concerned about your children since people are gunning them down in schools. We don’t care about the unborn, we don’t respect the elderly. We are selfish.
The weather depending on where you live could be a real eye-opener to your Filipina wife. This can make her wish she was somewhere else. My intent with this is to help her know that she might need to be prepared to work hard, bear some cold weather and deal with some rude people compared to the Philippines. There are plenty of homeless people here, a lot of poverty. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. She should be at least somewhat prepared to work hard and have probably a lot less free time that she is used to.
I remember when I was a teenager and the Marines came calling at our house and wanted to pick me up and take me somewhere to listen to their sales pitch. I was young and didn’t know how to refuse them so I said yes. They came barreling in the driveway in a van, scooped me up and we went somewhere to watch a cool video of guys playing some fun looking games. This, I was led to believe, was boot camp. I didn’t trust them so I declined. They wanted to show me an inaccurate picture of what I would be getting myself into compared to the harsher reality.
I didn’t want my wife to think America was some kind of Shangri-La, a paradise on earth. There are probably more negatives we talked about but that’s all I remember at this time. The more she knows about America before she lives here the less likely she is to be disillusioned and try to find happiness somewhere else.
Be upfront about your concerns about becoming “Americanized”-I have talked to my wife about how this country has a lot of women divorcing their husbands, women who aren’t committed. It is so bad many men refuse to get married or get involved with a woman again. There is no divorce in the Philippines, there is “no fault” divorce in America. I get the impression women might be more committed in the Philippines, helping them to be more committed over here. They certainly are more helpful to the elderly in the family.
I have talked to my wife about the need to be feminine, unlike many women here who want to have masculine characteristics. I saw them at the gym over the years. Shorter hair, tattoos, trying to get muscular, bossy. Sometimes you have to look twice to see if it is a man or a woman. Ridiculous! Just be a woman. To me that is soft, caring, nurturing, supportive, not trying to be like a man.
A lot of women want children without the husband, are willing to live off the government, don’t take care of themselves, overeat, hit the bars like they are in their 20s again, refuse their husbands in bed, are wasteful with money, just want to have fun and so on. I knew my wife was different when I married her, but I have felt the responsibility to warn her about the environment she is living in now because I want her to know I value her the way she is and don’t want her to change her attitude and priorities. Being upfront about this shows her how important it is to me that she not gravitate towards being “Americanized”.
Learn about and appreciate the Philippines-It is possible you have good opinions of America too, which is why you didn’t dissuade her from immigrating, see my video called Why you should bring your Filipina to America. At the same time, I would highly suggest you become familiar with the Philippines that your wife probably loves and ordinarily likely wouldn’t want to leave if she had her druthers. It is very beautiful in many places, many of her family and friends are there. She has been around friendly and hospitable people.
Tell her about the things you like about the Philippines and for sure try to visit there now and then. After I married her in the Philippines, we vacationed there in 2016 and 2018 and would like to go there over Christmas in 2019 and New Years in 2020. It really is growing on me. It is where my baby is from and where she is happiest. I have never tried to convince my wife things are better here, whether they are or not. I always want to be respectful of the Philippines.
When I ask her questions about the Philippines and tell her what I like about it, that reinforces to her that she married a man who is worth keeping, who is investing himself in her and isn’t trying to rescue her from her country. I’d like to believe this is the kind of man she wants to be married to. My wife is aware of misconceptions some foreign men have about the Philippines and is happy to be married to a man who has good things to say about it.
Listen to Philippine music together-I am someone who loves music in general and would have it on 24 hours a day if I could, and there are songs from the Philippines that I like to listen to. My wife has played some love songs for me to hear and I have played them for myself. I don’t know the words but the songs sound good. We have a set up here at home where she can use blue tooth to play the music through a speaker she can move around the house, upstairs and downstairs. It helps to learn the names of some of her favorite singers. When she hears me listening to it, this reinforces that she married a man who accepts her and where she is from. She won’t get this from every man. Anything I can do to make her feel accepted and that she doesn’t have to like America more than the Philippines, will help her stay with me and stay grounded in her being “Philippinized”.
Eat Philippine foods together-Your wife will want to cook her favorite dishes for you so this is something you would do well to try to like. This is important to her. Learning to embrace some of her foods is important to bonding you two together, which will help prevent her from looking for something else from someone else, becoming “Americanized”. A lot of men lament their wives don’t like to cook or maybe feel that being in the kitchen is demeaning, so relish (no pun intended) her cooking for you. We buy some food from Golden China nearby that is very good. We do that when she is too busy to cook. This is just another practical thing to do. One of these days we’d like to go to a Filipino restaurant that is about 200 miles away, eat, then come back here. I don’t know of one any closer and it would be fun to just get out on the road. The more you can do together to build unity and respect for the Philippines the better.
Watch Philippine movies together-This is something you can do on YouTube while in bed, or on television. I saw a YouTube video on how to get shows from the Philippines on your television. My wife has her favorite YouTubers from the Philippines to watch and I peep over her shoulder now and then. I certainly see no need to restrict her from doing the things she was used to doing. Doing things like this, along with the other things on this list, help keep a Filipina from becoming “Americanized”. I can’t usually remember the names of popular television shows or actors in the Philippines, but I am sure my wife appreciates that I make an effort.
Keep up with news from the Philippines-I like trying to keep up with news from the Philippines because that is where my wife is from and where her family is. That is where we have vacationed twice and would like to go next year too. When I can ask my wife about something I read about President Duterte, the drug war, improvement in infrastructure, or impending bad weather, this shows my wife that I want to immerse myself in her life. To not do that could potentially give her the idea that I am not totally in to her. She could be hearing things from other women about her relationship with you that try to get her to doubt she made the right choice, so this is another thing you can do that collectively help her to rebut those things she is hearing.
Occasionally I will ask my wife how her family is doing, how her friends are doing, and ask her to let me see who she is messaging. It never hurts to ask when Manny Pacquiao’s next fight is or if her favorite singer has a new song.
Don’t talk condescendingly about the Philippines-I would hope no one would do this but if you do, it will take some positive reinforcement to overcome it. It is possible a man could say something his Filipina wife will be offended by that he didn’t intend to be offensive. One of those things is the phrase “Third World Country”. My wife bristles at this, maybe because she thinks that I believe that, but when I say it, I am referencing a term that she is familiar with and using it in the context of what someone else might say. From now on I should avoid using that term or maybe say “developing country”. I need to talk well about the good things about the Philippines, just like I would about the state or country that I live. If she hears her husband say derogatory things about her country, it cracks the door open a little bit to not work as hard as she can to be a good wife.
Praise values that oppose “becoming Americanized”-This is similar to the first item-Her husband is responsible to make a healthy and safe culture or environment for her. If I like her femininity, I need to tell her what I like about that. If I want her to be committed to me then I first need to make it abundantly clear to her that I am committed to her. I have a video called 14 ways my Filipina wife knows that I am committed to her that you might want to see.
If I want her to retain the virtues and characteristics that caused me to marry her, then I need to be regularly reinforcing that by telling her how much I value that. Some other guy could tell her about what he likes about her too, so she must hear it from me more often than anyone else. If I don’t want her partying and drinking, then I shouldn’t do it myself. If she is hard- working I need to compliment her on that. The video called how to praise your Filipina wife illustrates the need to recognize her accomplishments. If she is frugal and you like that, let her know.
Be a responsible man, the men who might try to get in her ear will have a hard time competing against you. Work hard to take care of her needs. From what I can tell, a Filipina doesn’t immigrate here to become rich, like most women, they just want some security. That will help her not change from being the woman you married, so work hard to take care of her needs.
If men find your Filipina wife attractive, and know there is a large age gap in the marriage, some unscrupulous ones might try to woo her with their words about her beauty. Anyone can do that! I certainly compliment my wife on her body, and her looks, but no one is going to continually compliment her on her character. Other men only want her for what they can see right now, but my wife knows that I realize her character is only likely to improve over the years and the relationship I am working to build and sustain right now, should continue to grow stronger. In other words, she is becoming more beautiful to me all the time.
Avoid being excessively frugal-One has to be careful here because there could be a fine line between being smart and frugal and being miserly and restrictive. Being stingy could have the effect of your Filipina wife being swayed by the negative talk of others to think that the grass is greener on the other side. She might be hearing about her coworkers going here and going there, doing this or doing that, and not being aware that they could be in debt just to do those things. You want to marry a Filipina that gives you no reason to believe she is materialistic.
There will and should be somewhat of an expectation that being in America, she will have more means than when she was in the Philippines. The biggest reason she married a foreigner is to provide a better life for her family and herself. I think that is commendable. She still wants to be a good wife and marry a good husband. She will likely be naturally frugal but I think you should help her to experience things she would like to do. My wife wanted to travel to some places in the Midwest where we live, which we did. One day I asked her if she could go anywhere in the world, where would it be? Her reply was Paris.
I wasn’t thinking about taking here there, it was a question only, but soon after I decided to ask her if she really wanted to go, and if she did, we would do it. We could get the money so we didn’t have to go in debt to do it. I could have lectured her on the importance of being financially responsible but there will be a tension between that and holding on to so much that she won’t be able to feel like she is able to experience some things of interest to her in America. I was fine not going to Paris, but if my wife wanted to go then I wanted to go and enjoy it as a couple. We both loved it. Even if we didn’t do something like that again, she will always remember it and that I offered to take here there.
Some people like to assume that every woman will leave her husband if he can’t provide a lot of financial security, to be rich even. From what I’ve observed, I don’t think that is always the case. I believe most women just want to not have to worry about security. Yet, at the same time, she doesn’t want to be restricted to being at home. I will talk about this some more later when I bring up another item to help prevent your Filipina wife from becoming “Americanized”.
To balance this out, I think it is important to tell her that you appreciate that she is frugal. It could be disastrous to tell your Filipina wife that now that she is in America, she is going to have the best of things, that you don’t want either one of you being cheap. EVEN IF, you are very wealthy, I believe you should still want her to be frugal because she may have grown up that way out of necessity, yet still believe that is the best way to be. Praising her for little ways she tries to be resourceful and for trying to find sales will go a long way to letting her know her husband appreciates this value of hers. Since we’ve been married, I really do appreciate the many ways she tries to help save some money.
Have a financial plan for your futures-This helps her to know that you have a long-range view for her future and yours together. Doing this can help her not give in to temptation to look for someone with more money, as some people assume she will do. My wife has met with our financial advisor and multiple times I have talked to my wife about where our money is as far as pension, both of our 401-Ks, checking accounts, how the social security works when I retire and after I die when she is 60 and can apply for full social security. This should take pressure off her if someone tries to put thoughts into her mind that she can do better. Maybe financially she can, but she married you and you need to do all you can to help her not worry about finances.
Our financial advisor gave us a link on line where after we log in we can see where all the money is and how much is there in real time. I have looked at it once or twice and it wouldn’t surprise me if my wife has seen it with me and not once after that. She is either impressed with how we’re doing or just isn’t into being rich. I’d like to think she is satisfied knowing we have a financial plan. The Filipina you marry will probably be accustomed to living one day at a time when it comes to financial matters and might be satisfied with a husband she knows is working to give her some financial security.
Be a hard worker, get extra hours if possible (if you are not retired)-Her knowing that you are making a priority of earning income should be good enough for most women. Sitting around watching sports on television or spending a lot of time on the internet will not. I have worked six days a week for a long time, with the extra day being overtime. A wife should appreciate this, and along with the other things on this list, help her to see that she has a good thing going.
You don’t want to be a workaholic, just someone that she knows is toiling away for the two of you. You want to work hard but not so much that it greatly limits your ability to do other things on this list that I will continue with soon on Love Beyond The Sea.