Marriage Advice

What Stresses Your Filipina Out? Make Sure it Isn't You

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As a husband to a Filipina that I petitioned to come to America, I have been concerned that she is able to adjust well to leaving the Philippines and moving so far away from her family and friends. Some things she will get better at adapting to such as the weather, not being with her family in person, hearing English all the time and having to be on time to her scheduled appointments. However, there will be other things that come up that cause her stress, that she couldn’t have planned.

This video will be about knowing the things that cause stress in her life, what drains her physical and emotional energy, what she deals with that she didn’t anticipate. Please subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea because I want to help foreign men consider dating and marrying a Filipina, and offer what I have learned in being married for six years. Share the videos with anyone interested in a Filipina wife and as always, your comments are welcomed. What I say works with any woman who isn’t a feminist.

I wasn’t planning on saying this but I decided to, and that is to do all you can to make sure that you are not responsible for causing stress to your Filipina. You and I are going to cause some stress simply by virtue of being human, but I assume you want to make amends quickly and try to learn from past experiences. I’m not referring to the expected disagreements and doing some things that irritate each other now and then. What I am her or don’t care. What is the harm in asking her if there is something you do that irritates her? referring to is that I must be sure not to be the cause of continued vexation to her and either don’t know it bothers her.

You will need to adjust to each other but I don’t think that means that neither of you care what kind of impression you make and what kind of impact you have on each other. My wife knows that I am more verbal but that doesn’t mean that I have to hit her with a barrage of comments as soon as she comes home from work. I might be more talkative to someone else than to her and she would appreciate that! I am always working on my patience, and that’s a requirement for a lasting marriage. Asking her to be in videos causes her stress.

Our different personalities can be a cause of stress if one is more laid back the other is more intense. Most of the time, there is probably a big difference between the personality of the husband and the wife. I am definitely more intense and that can scare my wife, who is calmer and milder. I want results now or yesterday; she is more deliberate. You don’t want your sexual differences to exasperate each other. It comes down to communicating to make sure things are okay.

It may be that the pace of life, such as it is in America, will be stressful to her. That is not to say that she didn’t have responsibility and work hard in the Philippines, only that here, it is on a regular, uninterrupted schedule, and workers need to show up on time, all the time. That might be a little different than what she experienced back home. Here we work and try to save and she might have a little trouble adjusting to what sometimes we call “the grind”, working day after day, seemingly jut to keep our heads above water.

We have all kinds of bills considering internet, cable, garbage, water, phone, electricity, heat, a lot of taxes, and it can feel like we are working simply to be able to pay for those things. This could prove frustrating for her. In our case, my wife is very ambitious and has excellent energy but I think she needs me to support her as much as I can with allowing her to buy things for herself with her hard-earned money. I compliment her as much as I can because at work, she might not hear a lot of good things. I allow her the space she needs to communicate with her family and enjoy joining in myself.

My wife does so many things around the house, she is such a good wife in many ways and the person that has the most influence in her life should be me. So, she needs to often hear from me how much I appreciate all she is involved with, never taking her for granted. I need to let her know that all her efforts make a big difference in our marriage.

Something that fits in here is that she will be sending money back home, as much as she feels responsible for. This is somewhat of an obligation, but there may be such pressure to do it that it could feel like a burden to your Filipina wife. She’s working regularly, if not overtime, and so much of it could go to her family that it is possible she might not get a sense of satisfaction from her hard work. This is where I think it is important to tell her that she is a good daughter and sibling, but also encourage her that she needs to take care of herself. She has an obligation to you as your wife, you need her too. You need her company, you need her attention, you need her to take care of herself.

Encourage her to slow down and take care of herself. Help her feel good about herself. Tell her she works hard and well. Honestly, in the workplace I think it is possible to go the entire year and not hear that you are doing a good job and exactly why. Maybe one time during your annual review, but supervisors aren’t as involved as they used to be when I started working. They are pulled in different directions and only seem to be involved with their personnel when there is a problem, but that is still no excuse. Your Filipina wife needs to hear from her husband that she is appreciated.

I need to ask my wife more often if something is becoming a burden to her and how I could help. My wife is very responsible and might not even tell me if there is something that bothers her, so it is important that I take the initiative to ask her. Since she is also on the quiet side, this might make it more difficult for her to speak up, so again, I need to make sure I am not just observing her, but also talking to her about her day and if there is anything she isn’t happy with and to tell me about it.

It took a while before my wife started opening up to me. I suppose since she was private before I married her then I shouldn’t be surprised if she is private after I marry her. I’d like to think that she will feel safe with me, that I am not going to criticize her for being stressed about certain things, and that she will want to initiate talking to me about things that bother her, before they become bigger problems. She just won’t do it as quickly as I would.

Since my mother lives with us, I need to be aware of any conflict or personality clash between them. My mother is 88 and likely pretty set in her ways, now she is living with a much younger daughter in law who has her own ideas and is a strong-willed woman. Overall, this has gone well for us. In private, my mother will say something to me and in private my wife will say something to me. All I try to do is be positive with my wife and try to help her see the big picture-all of us living in harmony. I help her to see what I know about my mother and how to work with that.

With my mother, I try to help her see Aiza’s perspective and background, and remind her that she said she would consider it Aiza’s house to arrange the way she wants. We certainly don’t need friction between my wife and mother. I also remind my wife that she comes first, I will support her and I remind my mother that I need to support my wife, I need to take her side of things. I am glad that my wife and mother have quietly brought things to my attention without any sparks flying. I appreciate that. They are going about it the right way. Our home needs to be a place my wife can be to get away from problems or at least have a safe place to discuss them. My support of my wife certainly helps alleviate stress.

A situation that my wife increasingly talked about was how she didn’t like getting up so early for work and that she wasn’t used to it. Initially we worked my hours because my wife hadn’t learned how to drive and it was very convenient to drive to work together and leave together. Since then, she has told me many times she isn’t comfortable with it, and I would respond with my concern that I didn’t want to be apart any more than we needed to be, I liked things the way they were.

Eventually, I realized that it wasn’t fair to her to insist she stay on first shift or day shift. I have always told her I took her wellbeing seriously but was not expecting her to not like the shift she was on. I thought that allowing her to change shifts, if it was best for her, was the best thing to do. It was only half of the days and if she can’t handle an irregular sleep schedule, she is willing to try something else. She volunteered to run some errands I would normally do, so that I would be able to come straight home for more time with her before she left for work. It was okay. Now our situation is completely different with me at home.

This involved a sacrifice for me, but I have always maintained with her that her needs come first. This is the kind of thing that makes her realize I am serious about that, and if it doesn’t work out, as in it isn’t working like she thought, then she knows that we discussed it from different angles and that I agreed she could do it. This is a way of making a lot of deposits, a lot of credits being made to my respect account. She will respect that I worked with her on this, after fully airing my concerns, and after fully understanding hers.

My wife is kind of a super woman at this time. I have heard other men married to a Filipina note that their wives are the same. What we need to do is watch over them, be prepared to set some boundaries so they don’t wear themselves out, and that they have time for relationships with family and friends and of course their husbands.

Be prepared to alleviate stress for your love beyond the sea!

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