12 Ways to Help Your Filipina Feel Safe With You

Often in a Fil-West relationship, you have a large age gap and people from different cultures from very far away and it is possible that it will take a while for both to feel safe with each other. To be able to believe that each is truly invested in the other and wants to build their world around each other. That sounds great doesn’t it? I don’t want to marry someone and feel like another person could somehow come between us. Today, I will cover a dozen ways that you can help the woman in your life to feel safe with you, and I think if she is safe with you then you are safe with her.

Subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea for practical help for the best thing in the world-marriage. The benefits come to those who can persevere. See how many things in this video you are able to do to help your wife feel safe with you. I married a woman from the Philippines, however, as you will see, the 12 actions I list are for anyone.

List of ways to make your Filipina feel safe, and safe means being able to be herself, flaws and all, and still be respected by her husband and know he is pleased with her.

Absence of abuse-An obvious one is to not be abusive an any way, shape or form. Harsh words, belittling words said in anger, a slap or a punch is going to be extremely difficult to overcome, so don’t allow that to happen. You may not be as concerned about this happening to you, but to a woman from thousands of miles away and with a guy she doesn’t know all that well yet, this is a fear of hers and would be a deal breaker.

Don’t criticize-She already realizes that she is far from perfect and even over the years, will still never be absolutely everything she wants to be, so hearing criticism from her husband can be hard to turn into something positive. She needs to know she can screw up at times and you still have her back. Maybe she spends too much money on something, or forgets to pay something on time. It could be anything.

For every time she messes up and knows it, she needs to hear something positive from you and words are very, very powerful. Sometimes just giving her a hug when she has done something she knows you are not happy about can make a huge difference. Other times, offering some advice that helps her realize more fully that she did something that can be done better will be what she needs to hear. Giving her other opportunities helps her feel safe with you as it shows you can still trust her.

If you were teaching her to drive and she isn’t careful, you can remind her that we all have done things like that and the best way to learn from it is to…(fill in the blank). Other times it will be best simply to ask her if there is anything she thinks you could do to help her. I will link a video for more about criticism and avoiding it.

Avoid nitpicking-This is similar to criticism but makes it even harder for her to be able to correct. Maybe she is doing the very best she can with something. Nitpicking on small details can make her resentful. After a while, there may be some things we as husband just have to accept. For example, and there could be many, but one would be of her English. It isn’t her first language and maybe there are some instances where she has improved as much as she is going to, so more emphasis on fine tuning might only serve to make her feel like she isn’t good enough, and then she wouldn’t feel safe with you. Safe, again, means being able to be herself, flaws and all, and still be respected by her husband and know he is pleased with her.

See her perspective-It really is remarkable the insight we can gain when we stop and put ourselves in her shoes. All of the differences you have with her are there for a reason, and gaining her perspective can make things a lot different. If you are used to being with women from your country, some things might not apply to a woman from a different one, especially if there is an age gap. I will just mention the family situation in the Philippines and her needing to help her family if she is working. We don’t do that here in the west, it is pretty much every man or woman fending for themselves. In the Philippines, it more or less is an obligation for her to help them, and she is not going to veer from that, unless possibly if you and her have a child together.

Praise her-I will link a longer video about this particular aspect of helping your Filipina feel safe with you. If any woman is made to feel safe and loved by her husband, she isn’t going anywhere. I don’t think you can praise or complement too much, just beware of flattery, which I have also done a video about. Some guys might think I lay it on too thick but there will come a day my little woman won’t hear anymore complements or praise from me and she is going to miss it. This one is a big deal.

Let her be herself-This may not be an issue for all husbands but I will list it because no one wants to not be able to be themselves. We are all unique. I don’t want to box my wife into a box that isn’t real. She is very flexible with me and my quirks and I appreciate that. I want to feel free to express myself and I need to allow her the same thing. In some ways my wife and I are remarkable similar and other ways we are quite dissimilar.

Be open with her-This goes without saying but I will say it anyway. I think she will feel safest when she believes there isn’t anything her husband is hiding from her. I have always been transparent with my wife. Transparency comes easily for me; I know that with her I can be totally myself but around others, I know it can backfire. Whether it is sexual or financial or how you feel about something, be honest.

Trust her-If she feels there are times when her husband doesn’t trust her, I just can’t see how she will go all-out in our marriage. I have trusted her with certain responsibilities in our marriage and I know there will be a learning process involved and she will make some mistakes. But sometimes without those mistakes, there won’t be learning opportunities. This isn’t like hiring someone for employment where you can maybe get a track record or talk to a former employer, you don’t know exactly what you are getting in certain areas when you get married, so all you can do is trust and go from there. It goes both ways.

Provide for her-Financial provision, emotional provision, recreational provision, building her up, is all included here in providing for her. If you can do something for her, I recommend doing it. My wife wants to go to school here and it took us about six years for the right time to do it. I will gladly help her with that because it is important to her and she best do this while she is still relatively young and it can help her at her job. I won’t be around here forever.

Avoid Porn-I have podcasts called Casting Beyond The Sea and a six part series about pornography where I talk about a book by Tim Challies called Sexual Detox-A Guide For Guys Who Are Sick of Porn. You can find those on the website lvbts.com under podcasts. She will not feel safe or even comfortable with a husband who she knows is hitting the porn now and then. She needs to know you are all into her. She can’t give her best to her husband if he is fantasizing about other women she can never be. Porn is a sin against your own body and you will find it difficult to even respond to the woman you married, if you are engaged in pornography.

Avoid flirting-This is very mild compared to pornography, but even flirting with others can lead to destruction, and distract you from fully investing in the woman you married.

Don’t control her-I will link a video for this also. You must give your spouse freedom, even freedom to make mistakes, freedom to be human, for her to respect you and feel safe with you. If your wife feels safe with you, you are in a very good place in life. Here is a quick rundown of 12 ways to help your Filipina feel safe with you-

Absence of abuse-

Don’t criticize-

Avoid nitpicking-

See her perspective-

Praise her-

Let her be herself-

Be open with her-

Trust her-

Provide for her-

Avoid Porn-

Avoid flirting-

Don’t control her-

Check out the videos at the top of the description box for elaboration on some of these areas.

These are 12 good ways to safeguard your marriage with your love beyond the sea.