What are some ways to stay committed in a long-distance relationship? I want to talk about this since I married following an LDR. Join the message forums and get notifications for videos. My future wife was almost 10,000 miles away, I followed the path called go where you’re wanted, in my case, the Philippines. By “committed” I am referring to having a desire to give a fairly new relationship a chance to develop, rather than assuming the relationship has necessarily reached the proposal stage.
Distance really isn’t a factor these days. On the one hand someone could cite the vast distance as being problematic regarding commitment and faithfulness, but with apps like Skype you can webcam and see each other’s place of residence, eat together, watch movies together, sing together, play games together. In the past you could easily get bored or distracted trying to communicate through the mail, yet people were able to do that because they stayed committed and I think they decided that early on. Here’s six things to keep in mind to stay committed in an LDR. Let me know yours in the comments or in the lvbts.com Community Corner.
One woman focus-Those early days of using regular mail involved people who were committed to the relationship by investing their energy into that one person. I doubt they were writing letters to five people at once, trying to have a relationship with five women. I don’t see anything special about that. In those days I’m sure it was one man writing to one woman. I actually know someone who found his Filipina wife that way. Determine the woman you are investing time in is worth the effort to find out if the two of you should get married. My wife wanted a man who would focus only on her and she would do the same. I did that for her sake, and we got married very fast.
The woman you are having an LDR with likely doesn’t want to be one of several women, she wants to be the only one you are seeing. If not, she won’t take it seriously. Whether it’s the old-fashioned way with letters or modern webcamming, she wants to know the foreigner she is communicating with is only communicating with her.
Quality and Quantity of communication-She knows the quality of communication is good when he is asking her about her family, about her own dreams and aspirations, how she is doing, etc. I have several videos with a ton of questions you can look over to ask that will help stimulate learning about each other and show her that you want to know about her. Doing a webcam where he is relying on her for direction in the conversation gives her the impression he might not be trying to find out if she would make a good wife someday. The questions in those videos will help to improve your dating experience. They are in the Communication playlist.
Treat her as if she lived next door-By this I mean to say, just because she lives so very far away from you, doesn’t mean you have to live like she is inaccessible. Live like you will be able to see her (on cam) each day, communicate often, let her know what you are doing, ask what she is doing, as if you would do if she lived a short distance away. If you are only dating her, then you won’t need to conceal any other relationship you may have going on. Focus on this one and see it to the end. By focusing on her you will be able to determine more quickly if she is or isn’t going to be the woman you want to propose to.
Be realistic-While I’ve stated that distance is not a factor and to treat her as if she lived next door, there is still the fact that you won’t be able to hold her in your arms, hug her or kiss her. Your ability to be affectionate is removed. This actually can be a good thing, needing to emphasize the relationship itself and learn about each other through conversation. No, being in an LDR isn’t the same as being right there with each other but there’s much you can explore together with a phone app. She can see your surroundings which includes your family and friends, and she can do the same for you.
Visit her-Depending on where she lives relative to you, and what you can afford, visiting her in person most definitely can help keep the fire burning. That also lets her know that the relationship is genuine. Who wants to keep chatting with someone on camera for an extended period of time? Seeing her will also help you to have additional things to talk about. Meeting her in person can help you determine if you will be focusing your efforts on only her, which is my preferred way, because it will help bring you together for the rest of your lives faster, or call that relationship off if it isn’t progressing. Don’t use her as a placeholder until someone better comes along; if she’s not going to work out, then keep looking for another woman.
Have shared goals-Having shared goals will be exciting even if they are small. Setting a time to meet for playing a game, watching a movie together etc. Be prompt though to make a good impression. A goal could also be about helping her prepare for her embassy interview if you are sure you want to marry her, it could be talking about her life one day in your country or your life in hers. In our situation, we got married so quickly, she was in America with me about ten months after we met online, so many of our goals have been when we were together.
This video assumes you already have an interest in someone who lives far away, and want to prevent boredom and routine from setting in. To me the most effective way to accomplish that is to keep learning about her, spend your dating energy on her, and see her as often as you can. That way, you will be shortening the amount of time it will take to get married, that’s where the real fun starts!
I am very pleased I stayed committed to my Love Beyond The Aea!