Marriage Advice

Are You Incomplete Without A Wife? A Filipina Wife?

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I want to begin this by saying that if you do feel incomplete without a wife and it’s bothering you, that’s perfectly fine and natural. If you feel something isn’t quite right with being single, that you can’t stop yearning for a mate, there is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with being single. For most marriage is best, for those who don’t burn with passion, singleness is better.

In other words, if marriage is necessary to avoid sexual sin, then one should marry. 1 Corinthians 7:2 tells us to avoid sexual sin to let every man have his own wife and let every woman have her own husband. This has the force of a command. The question “Are you incomplete without a wife?” can make some people upset-They might reply “Why would I be incomplete?” or “In what way am I incomplete?” or “Is there something wrong with me?” I have been a Christian for a long time and have often heard that man was incomplete without a wife, which comes from Genesis 2:18 where it says that “it is not good for man to be alone, I will make him a helper suitable for him.”

The context is the first man ever created and he was created without a mate. This was no accident. This idea never bothered me for two reasons: One, God said it, and he only speaks truth. That truth may be difficult to understand or accept sometimes. Two, I felt incomplete. What does “incomplete” refer to? I think that verse has two terms that describe it. They are “not good to be alone”, and that Adam lacked a “helper suitable for him.” He was alone and without a helper. God made Adam first to show that a man needs companionship. Adam named all the animals and birds and recognized he was alone as he did not have anyone like him in existence. He felt alone until God created Eve for him to be his helper. He later said “At last, this is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.” God’s creation was described as “good” but here with Adam the Bible says it is “not good” for man to be alone. That ought to tell you something. By the way, Adam and Eve are both considered as equals when they were made.

The help he needed was in bringing children into the world and to depend on each other for the fulfillment of their needs. After creating both Adam and Eve, God said that his creation was “very good”. God established his norm for the world, which was marriage, with two exceptions being having the gift of singleness in 1 Corinthians 7 and being a eunuch or one who can live as if they were a eunuch for the kingdom of God in Matthew 19:12. Marriage is God’s place for sex and living without that kind of intimacy is going to make for a difficult life.

Not having a companion to bond with in life who is the perfect compliment like a woman for a man, is going to make for a lonely life. People want to be paired up because that is in our nature and God put it there, but not without the remedy for it. Of course, our sin nature causes that union to be contentious at times. That’s a different story.

A person can want out of a difficult marriage but will still find themselves in the same boat they were before…alone and incomplete and subject to endless sexual temptation. I have never understood this prevalent idea to tell single men and women that they are complete in Christ and he is enough. This is such an injustice to people and sound biblical interpretation. The Bible is clear Jesus Christ is enough for our salvation, we are complete in him because he has accomplished all that needs to be done for our salvation.

However to take that out of context and apply it to hurting singles is either lazy theology or an honest misinterpretation. Singles feel bad enough with being alone and being sexually frustrated, the last thing we need to do is tell them they just have a bad attitude about their life and to stop coveting what other people may have, such as marriage. As any married couple, my Filipina wife and I have our contentious moments, but at no time have I felt incomplete since marrying her. That is because I am not incomplete anymore.

The gloomy, depressing feelings I had for many years have not surfaced. This began when I started communicating with my now-wife in earnest in 2015. The unmet needs I had as a single adult were met by getting married. It is possible to feel incomplete while being married if needs are not being met-emotional, physical, mental needs. Naturally, you must work hard at marital harmony, which is what I want to help with by having this channel, but a feeling of incompleteness should drive us to seek marriage. Just make sure to use common sense and discernment in your search.

I haven’t been incomplete since I married my Love Beyond the Sea!

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