Be honest with yourself , right now, about how far you really think you would be willing to go for your partner”-I agree very much. Avoid promises to a Filipina you can’t keep. Don’t say that you’ll be with her for life if you don’t really mean it. Don’t say you’ll always forgive her if you don’t mean it. Don’t say she can always trust you if you don’t mean it. Don’t tell your Filipina you’ll see her in a month if you don’t mean it.
Don’t tell her that her needs come first if you don’t think you can follow through. You might be able to convince a Filipina to marry you with words but the dating days are the easiest ones. After the two of you are married then real life begins to happen. This is a very harsh process on our egos. It is a good thing to tell ourselves that we haven’t been doing the things we said we would do, the way we said we would do them, but not as easy to tell our Filipina we have well, failed in that way. It is humbling. If we then say we will do better or we will try better, she will be watching.
You can ask your Filipina if you are keeping your word to her. See what she says. I have said some outlandish things to my wife, like I would give her my two eyes if she needed them. By saying something like that to her I want to convey that her needs are more important to me than my own, but yes, I have thought about it, would I do that if it were possible? My answer to myself is that if I have any integrity then yes, I would do it, because I told her I would. I told my wife I agreed that we could retire in the Philippines. Is that going to hold up? I told her that I am willing to give her a baby, is that still the way I feel? That is an area that is going to come up. If you’ve had a vasectomy, then by all means tell her that, instead of leading her on that she might have a baby with you someday. I was completely honest with my wife about how I felt about becoming a father at my age.
If I was expressing immaturity or fear or just being rational, I was risking disappointing her but it was imperative to me that she knew how I felt and why. I told her that I would help support her family however I could, is she seeing that happen? Saying I will do something is just the beginning, then I have to do it. We need to realize that no one is forcing us to make any claims to our Filipinas, but before we do, we should be brutally honest with ourselves about what we tell her about what we will do, and not only that, there is the next area- “What you’re good at and what you’re not”-You don’t want to give the impression you are the world’s most perfect prospective husband to a Filipina because of course you can’t live up to that. Be realistic about how you can provide for her financially. Be realistic about how you can provide for her sexually. Be realistic about how you can provide for her socially and spiritually and emotionally. “Admit to yourself how much time you have to devote to your goals as a partner or parent. Be honest about the parts you enjoy and don’t”-I think it’s easy to think that if we just don’t make any waves then things will be alright. In the name of full disclosure, I believe we need to be totally honest with our Filipina. Be honest about family dynamics, about travelling to the Philippines, or living there. This can be a fearful thing, but I would be more concerned about what happens after not being honest than I would if I had been honest.
Evaluate your own progress report. Have paths not destinations”-We need to know how we are going to get where we want to go. If I tell my wife that I want her to feel loved and secure, then I need to know what that is going to entail. I would need to ask her how she thinks I am doing in certain areas and not be afraid to hear her response. I think she’ll be honest if she thinks you are sincerely asking her opinion.
At one point my wife told me I was spending too much time on my YT channel so I had to think of a different way to spend time on that and make my wife know she is more important than the channel, although the channel is still important to me.