It wasn’t the end of the world but it was the beginning of our marriage so I went with what she preferred to do. If I was to always insist on doing things my way or try to make the point that I always knew best, then I would be minimizing the knowledge, experience and perspective that my Filipina wife brought to the relationship. It would not be fulfilling for her to be married to me in that environment. At the outset of our marriage, obviously I wanted to show her I could lead her and make good decisions, however, that didn’t mean I didn’t need her input. The fact is we need each other’s opinions. We are blending two cultures along with the age gap we have and both of us need to try to see where the other is coming from. I want to lead our marriage but at the same time I need to be patient and realize there is a balance of making things happen and letting things happen. Expecting too much from her or attempting to control her will lead to disputes.
A Filipina won’t care how much you know until she knows how much you care. Conceding at times is just plain smart. I defer to my wife on things like clothes to wear and where we go on vacations, because she is happier that way, and she has made good decisions. I agree with James J Sexton to not be obsessed about being right or winning. While I tout the virtues of a Filipina wife, it still takes effort and self-restraint to make it work. I remind myself of how awful I feel when we have an issue.
I remind myself about our love story, how a guy who’d been alone for 30 years almost gave up on finding someone to love and be loved by, before meeting a Filipina on line who would give him a chance, and I have been giving her my best ever since. She’s my best friend, I think about her all the time, and for a reason: she makes my life complete. I can’t imagine a better woman for me. This I must be thinking about when in a disagreement with my Filipina wife.