Relationship Advice

Don't delay! Be patient with your Filipina

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"Patience is not just about waiting for something…it’s about how you wait, or your attitude while waiting.” So true. I can wait for my wife to talk to me about something, or to apologise, or to end Tampo, but I need to get off her case, and let her process her thoughts. I think we all need others to be patient with us, and I hope my wife can say that I am patient with her. “Never make your most important decisions when you are in your worst moods. Wait.

Be patient. The storm will pass. The spring will come.” If I am in a sour mood over one of the many times in a marriage that will test my patience, I am more likely to make things worse than better. Wanting issues to disappear right away will drive you crazy, and marrying a Filipina from a different culture, especially a much younger woman will, result in situations you’ve not encountered before. “Sometimes things aren’t clear right away. That’s where you need to be patient and persevere and see where things lead.” In time, you might get clarity and clarification from your Filipina, who perhaps from shyness or maybe culture, is less likely to speak up than someone from a western country. “It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience.”

Filipinas make great wives, but are still human, and susceptible to common temptations and emotions as any other women. Since you likely haven’t known your Filipina very long due to the distance, it may take longer than normal to really get to know her, but that’s okay, you’ll just need to exercise patience and not rush the discovery process. Let’s get more specific. By being impatient-Not only can it be a nuisance to hear words of impatience but it can get personal and cause wounds.

When you are married to a Filipina, if you are a foreigner you may be dealing with a large age gap. You are dealing with a different culture and probably with a woman whose first language isn’t English. If she has immigrated then she lives what must seem like a million miles away from her family. She will be doing her best to acclimate to your country but if her foreigner husband is going to assume the challenges will be the same as with a same country relationship, then he is likely to be unpleasantly surprised. There are situations that will cause you to be impatient. The age gap can be a cause of some conflict, making for impatience. Knowing as much as you can before marriage can help mitigate the chance of losing patience, so talking about expectations before marrying is important. I have a video about this called “Be realistic of Filipina marriage expectations”.

With a very long-distance relationship, you really can’t afford to be shy or uncomfortable talking about your potential future together. Unfamiliarity-Not knowing some facts that you wished you knew about her before marriage can result in taking the frustration out on her by saying regretful things. My wife and I got married in only 54 days so if I had to do it over again, I might ask some additional questions to gauge compatibility. As it worked out, my wife and I are both homebodies, we are both perfectly content to come home from work, snuggle up on the couch to watch something on TV or just recline in bed using our phones. Sometimes we have been able to catch a movie, but sometimes it’s not going to happen.

Depending on the level of English your Filipina speaks, this could be a source of losing some patience with her. There are some phrases or manner of speaking or expressions that she probably has never heard before. This doesn’t make her stupid. Me trying to speak Tagalog, that would make people think I never went to school. How she speaks may never become what it may be if she had grown up in America but I don’t try to change the way my wife speaks. Culture-Things don’t move as fast in the Philippines as it does in the west, maybe she won’t have the same sense of urgency as you do, perhaps she will refrain from thinking too far ahead, or being on time.

She might not understand the value of a dollar like you do. She will need to adapt to a brand-new country, far away from home, with a man she likely doesn’t know all that well yet. You will have no idea how long it will take your Filipina wife to get adjusted to living in your country and she will likely not change culturally any time soon (or should have to), so please don’t be impatient with her and say things you’ll regret.

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