MrE and I are not the same person in case you have wondered about that. He is back with another topic focused on men’s self-worth. He feels quite strongly about it and I agreed to share his thoughts with the men out there. Subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea and see videos about relationships. Don’t give up, perhaps you need to look overseas as I did. I think I can help you with that in some ways.
On to the latest from MrE-
Greetings and salutations everyone, Here is yet another MrE commentary.
Just like I said in my previous video, I would address the pedestalization video Bob put out recently as a follow-up to his commentary of my commentary I did over a year ago. I feel this video illustrates that while me and Bob do agree on most things; there are certain topics that me and Bob don’t see eye to eye. Most things we do but I feel this video clearly illustrates a major philosophical difference in our relationship strategy. To be clear in this video I’m not referring to Bob in any way, rather speaking from generalities as he asked me awhile ago.
The main problem with pedestalization the way I see it is it diminishes one’s self-worth and elevates women to an unrealistic standard that they can never reach, all the while short changing one’s own accomplishments and identity. By pedestalizing you are focusing on someone’s else identity rather than developing your own. As we all know at this point women are followers and by not developing yourself as a man you are not working on critical leadership skills that are essential for any relationship to work.
This perfect idealization damages a man’s self-esteem by seeking one’s self worth in getting the approval and validation of women. This false sense of currency distorts the actual truth; that what should be looked at is a man’s merits and what accomplishments he has done in his life and how the wider community of men view him.
This is the real metric you should be viewing yourself. In practical terms the question you need to ask yourself is “are you happy in your life currently?”, but to answer this question you must take women out of the equation as they are largely irrelevant to one’s happiness, women only augment it. So you should be asking yourself; are you in a career that you enjoy doing? are you doing hobbies that you enjoy? These are the questions you should be asking yourself to determine your self-worth. Men innately understand and know if another man is or isn’t living his best life as we can generally tell by weekly watering hole confessions at a bar or just facial expressions.
Through Hollywood and just general modern society teachings; determining one’s self worth through women can be extremely damaging to young men which is carried on later in life and I feel has lead to many of America’s societal problems from loneliness to mass shootings, or just murder suicides of families; as men are taught from cradle to grave that “you aren’t anything” if you don’t meet the idealistic standard society has laid out for you and that is getting the approval of women.
Single men are often demonized and branded untrustworthy once they reach a certain age. Some of this may be choice, more often than not this is no fault of their own due to the unrealistic standards some women have of men. Bob himself can relate to this. This creates a negative feedback loop where as a man you feel inferior all because you have struck out in the dating game, all but ignoring very valid accomplishments in other areas of life.
Bob started Love Beyond The Sea because he found a wife and changed his location to where the accomplishments and values he had in his life were in tune with the local culture in that area. I have long felt that American culture creates a Stockholm Syndrome affect on men and many American’s get the false belief “that all women are the same no matter where” while that may be true to some degree it is greatly exaggerated; there are differences. Just because you grew up in the Northeast or in the Midwest like Bob and you are constantly rejected by women does not mean that you are inferior; rather your values are incompatible within the local populace of where you live.
To make things crystal clear that my commentary isn’t getting lost in translation I will use myself as an example. Prior to discovering the Red Pill my validation and worthiness if I was a success or not, hinged on what women and by extension society thought of me, rather than what I thought of myself and if I was happy with what I had accomplished in my life. My success was determined by what others, mainly my friends, and the stereotype of what success is for a man.
During college it was getting constantly laid and racking up notches to see who could get the highest score. In later life it is if your making 6 figures. When I was constantly getting turned down for dates in college and failing to get laid, I considered myself a failure at that point in my life because of what was promoted around me both by my peers and by what women found attractive.
It was only after years of frustration and being a “nice guy” did I discover this lie that was taught to me throughout my youth and truly understood the truth in finding the Red Pill and applying those concepts in my life that I began to see the world for what it was rather than what it was promoted as. By putting these changes in my life and being willing to walk away if something didn’t fit or please me, I began to understand how to measure one’s success and not let someone else determine your self worth, rather you determine it. Shortly afterwards my life was on the up and where it is at today.
So, the takeaway in this commentary is putting all your stock into if you’re a failure or a success by the validation you receive by women where you live. This is a false mindset to have and a wrong mindset. Women at the end of the day are followers like the Bible instructs, by elevating them or pedestalizing them you are running contrary to what their role is in the Bible. Feel free to disagree like Bob has.
I’m not saying not to love your wife or partner rather I’m asking men to keep things in perspective and be happy with who you are and what you have accomplished in your life thus far and not put all your stock into what someone else thinks of you.
So while Bob may disagree and that is his right (no hard feelings). I urge men to think about what I have said in this commentary. Truthfully Bob has found a way to make things work and he should be applauded for it. But to me it runs contrary to what I have seen work, so to me there is no right or wrong answer as I feel both of us have found what works for us, but it is up to you the viewer to determine what line of thinking works best for you.
Is it the traditional Red Pill path or is it Bob’s path, that is for you to decide in your own life. (end of MrE’s commentary)
Me Bob Again- There is a difference between unrealistic pedestalizing of women and wanting to assert the great value my wife has to me. It sort of sounds like MrE thinks that I might be putting my wife on a pedestal and I certainly didn’t grovel after any woman in the past. I held my ground waiting for the right opportunity which as MrE noted was in the Philippines where I was appreciated. I think my self-esteem was good, but I just knew I wasn’t living the best life for me, which was to be married.
When I was single, it was extremely difficult for me. Anyone who was around me at that time knows what I mean and the closer they were to me the more intense it was. I wore my heart on my sleeve. I had taken care of myself well and was involving myself in the church, although at times I felt like I wasn’t trusted as a single man. I was pleased with what I had accomplished or been involved with and I had been at the same job since 1980, however, I still felt unfulfilled.
Being married has been the missing piece of the puzzle. I have shifted my focus to my wife and our relationship and we are still hoping and praying for an addition to our family, if God’s will. I certainly am not miserable like I could be back then. Now, I feel a sense of fulfillment in daily life that lasts each day I am married. Being a husband takes some work, and over time I want to talk about those kinds of things in this channel. I feel like I have a purpose now, more than ever.
I attribute that to being married, that is, being married to a wonderful woman from the Philippines. I am a husband and I have responsibilities now I didn’t have when I was single. I think it is only natural that I give immense credit to my wife for that, partly because she is an excellent wife and partly because I have a fulfilling role to her as her husband. Maybe this sounds like I am putting her on a pedestal. I am the same person I was before I met her, but I am more fulfilled now.
This is a good topic and I encourage you to chime in with your thoughts. I agree with MrE that seeking the validation of women in order to make yourself feel valued is wrong and unhealthy. That same woman could turn and become very critical of you; then what? In my case, I didn’t look to my wife for validation, I felt good about myself and wanted to share myself with someone else that would appreciate me. Indeed, looking to a woman for validation is a bad idea. Your world will come crashing down if she starts being human.
And besides, if a man is down in the dumps because he bases his self- worth on a woman’s approval and hasn’t gotten it, he will be moping around and could give women that he would have a chance with, the impression he is always unhappy.
Leave comments in the Community Corner or here in YouTube. Have you been seeking self-worth in the approval of a woman? Did you used to do that? I didn’t marry to validate my self-worth, but life is better with my Love Beyond The Sea.