Is Aiza my soul mate? You hear that a lot in the Philippines, and it’s what I want to cover today. Subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea where I want to share with you what I am discovering that helps us have a good marriage, because I want other men to consider finding their soulmate or wife. Get notifications for upcoming videos by tapping the bell and I would enjoy hearing your comments about this topic. I am happy that young men view this channel because they owe it to themselves to do what they can to find a good wife.
I think it is especially important for Filipinas to hear this because I think they are often quick to declare a westerner their soulmate. I’m going to put forward different ideas about a soulmate so I hope you’ll indulge me on this topic. Perhaps you’ve never come out and said you believed in a soulmate, but maybe you are pursuing a mate like you do. I’m going to give you something to think about. You don’t hear much about this topic so that’s why I am making this video.
Initially I wasn’t expecting this topic to be too difficult to write about but after doing some research I became more interested in it as it seems the idea is more harm than good. I will be expressing my thoughts and quoting from three sources that I am linking in the description box. What do you think of when you hear the term “soulmate”?
From Keen.com-There are certain familiar paradigms on the landscape of modern love that can trace their origins back to the earliest days of recorded history. The phenomena of “love at first sight” and having a “soul mate” are the stuff of ancient legend.
In Greek mythology, each person was purportedly half of one larger being, separated at birth by destiny. Life’s quest was to find one’s other half and recombine in order to become a whole entity. While the Greeks may have painted a poetic picture of true love, does it really apply to people now? The probability of anyone believing that each of us is literally “one half” of a single larger human being is slim—however, many of us do like to think we are part of a perfect pair that meshes on every level—spiritual, physical, and emotional.
Today, whether or not one believes in the concept of having a soul mate depends on one’s definition of the term, so just what is a soul mate? Is it someone to whom you are immediately drawn? Is it someone you feel that you absolutely cannot live without? Or, is it someone you can communicate with freely, with whom you feel a deep level of comfort, connection and trust, and that nearly every moment you spend with this person offers happiness and contentment?
If you are married to a Filipina, she probably refers to you as her soulmate. A common idea of a soulmate is that for every person, there is another person who is a “perfect” fit”, and if you marry anyone other than this soul mate, you will never be happy. This little statement shows several dangers.
Your soul mate is not going to be wonderful all the time-At some point marriage is going to punch you in the face and you’ll realize it isn’t going to be one big road trip. We all go into marriage with the best intentions but most of us realize we will both need to be dealing with our differences, learning to be unselfish and to be forgiving. Situations come up that we didn’t expect and sometimes they are difficult to resolve harmoniously. Your soulmate is going to tax your patience at times and be difficult to live with at times.
It can be used as an excuse for divorce-A second problem is that when someone experiences unforeseen conflict with their soulmate, they might second-guess their decision to marry them and look for “greener pastures”. I mean come on, if it isn’t going the way we hoped it would, then maybe I married the wrong person, missing my true soulmate. This could result in getting a divorce and another search for “Mr. or Mrs. Soulmate”. It certainly could result in a lack of effort to work through conflicts together because someone could figure there is no point to that, they need to find their soulmate.
You’ll never be happy if you marry someone else-I see a couple of issues with this. One is it could cause someone who is single to become paralyzed in analyzing the possibility someone is their soulmate. How are they to tell, exactly? What are the give away signs? Can they trust the person they are thinking might be their very soulmate? Another problem with this is thinking that if your spouse died, that you are stuck being single the rest of your life. The same idea if victimized by divorce. Obviously, it is easier to convince yourself after a divorce from your soulmate that they weren’t really your soulmate but when death is involved, the soulmate concept might stymie another attempt at love.
What if the soulmate dies after a few years?- If something should happen to my Amazing Aiza I would not be interested in anyone else. Not because I believe in the exclusivity of a soul mate concept, but because I don’t think I could do it. I most certainly hope to never have to find out. When Aiza isn’t around I feel differently. A couple of times she had to return to the Philippines for important matters and I was without her for a total of five weeks. I dreaded all the days. I tried to focus on the usual things but without this woman to be with, it was very uncomfortable for me.
But what happens when someone who believes in a soulmate is met with an untimely death? That is enough of a burden to bear but to weigh it down with the thought that the only person in the entire universe you were meant to marry just died and you might be still in your twenties, could be overwhelming.
The soulmate concept limits your capacity to find a spouse- By thinking that there’s only one perfect pairing for you, you’ve already limited yourself from being open to potential partners who might actually make a great love match, if given the opportunity to grow into a relationship. To dismiss this potential pool of lovers out of hand is to do oneself a great disservice. Those who adhere to a long laundry list of “must haves” for a mate are setting themselves up for failure, and in so doing, they are also abdicating responsibility for their inability to find Mr. or Ms. Right by refusing to view their own romantic shortcomings through the lens of reality.
Rather than recognizing and owning up to the folly of a set of rigid standards that can never be attained, they simply blame the world for its inequities. Their rationalization is “there’s no one out there for me,” when the reality is that there may be plenty of people out there, just not any so-called “perfect” ones.
What such people do not grasp is that perfection is, for the most part, an illusion. Even in the best relationships there are going to be arguments, misunderstandings, and the occasional contention. By being unwilling to accept anything other than an ideal partner, it releases them from the responsibility of finding a partner at all, and they get to play victim. On the other hand, proactive people who are looking for love understand that flaws and foibles are to be expected, and unless the issues turn out to be major, they don’t have to be deal-breakers.
Does our soulmate complete us? The Keen.com article brought up the issue of the soulmate idea causing reliance on the other spouse to make us complete. I wanted to interject here that I have a video called “Are you incomplete without a wife?” I do believe that most people are incomplete without a spouse and I will explain in that video. Basically I believe God created virtually all people with a need for a spouse. I have another video called “Is there only one Filipina that can be “the one”?” Mark 10:7-9 declares, “A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.
Here is a very interesting take on the idea of soulmate; a different perspective-
A marriage may not be as unified and joyous as a couple wishes it to be. A husband and wife may not have the physical, emotional, and spiritual unity that they desire. But even in this instance, the husband and wife are still soul mates. A couple in such a situation needs to work on developing true “soul mate” intimacy. By obeying what the Bible teaches about marriage (Ephesians 5:22-33), a couple can develop the intimacy, love, and commitment that being “one flesh” soul mates entails. If you are married, you are married to your soul mate. No matter how disharmonious a marriage is, God can bring healing, forgiveness, restoration, and true marital love and harmony.
What if you’re wrong about your soulmate?-While the gotquestions.org article is very dogmatic, this next source says soulmates may very well exist.
I don’t use the term soul mate but if I did, I would mean to convey that my Filipina wife was an answer to long earnest prayer and that as far as I know, will be the only woman I will be married to. I also intend to put everything I have into this relationship because I am thankful to God and thankful to her. I definitely consider our union as the sum is greater than the whole of its parts.
This is kind of difficult for to say, but I if was to use the term soulmate it would be to make the point that I am going to invest everything I can into this marriage to my little woman from the Philippines, that I prayed for, for many years. Not only that, but I asked my church to pray for me to find a wife and at that time a Filipina was the furthest thing on my mind. So does an answer to prayer equal a soulmate? There could have been women all the time I was alone yet Aiza was the one who I easily married in less than eight weeks. How did that happen? It seemed so seamless.
I also agree that since we are now in a strong-bond marital union that God expects to keep intact, that it seems close to a soul mate. I can’t see being married to anyone else even if she were to die before me and I don’t think she would remarry either. To round this out, here are a few thoughts from gotquestions.org from their biblical perspective, and I try to have a biblical world view.
Is it possible to marry the wrong person? If we give ourselves to God and seek His guidance, He promises to direct us: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6). The implication of Proverbs 3:5-6 is that if you are not trusting in the Lord with all your heart, and are leaning on your own understanding, you can go the wrong direction. Yes, it is possible, in a time of disobedience and lack of close fellowship with God, to marry someone whom He did not desire you to marry. Even in such an instance, though, God is sovereign and in control.
Even if a marriage was not God’s desire, it is still within His sovereign will and plan. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), and “marrying the wrong person” is never presented in the Bible as grounds for divorce. The claim “I married the wrong person and will never be happy unless I find my true soul mate” is unbiblical in two respects. First, it is a claim that your wrong decision has overridden God’s will and destroyed His plan. Second, it is a claim that God is not capable of making a struggling marriage happy, unified, and successful. Nothing we do can disrupt God’s sovereign will. God can take any two people, no matter how mismatched, and mold them into two people who are perfect for each other.
If we maintain close fellowship with God, He will lead us and guide us. If a person is walking with the Lord and truly seeking His will, God will lead that person to the spouse He intends. God will lead us to our “soul mate” if we submit to Him and follow Him. However, being soul mates is both a position and a practice. A husband and wife are soul mates in that they are “one flesh,” spiritually, physically, and emotionally united to each other. In practice, though, there is a process of taking what a couple is, soul mates, and making that a day-by-day reality. True soul mate oneness is only possible by implementing the biblical pattern of marriage.
Call it what you will, but I am very satisfied and happy with my Love Beyond the Sea!