While marrying a Filipina can be a wonderful experience in so many ways, there is one angle to it that can be frustrating, maddening, and make you feel helpless. I want to talk about that today. Subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea where I am here to help with foreigner-Filipina relationships. Get notifications for upcoming videos by tapping the bell and I’d like to hear from viewers about their experiences when they are unable to be with their Filipina and even worse, can not communicate well with her.
By far for myself the worst part of being married to a Filipina is the vast distance between us now that we are in America and her family in the Philippines. I checked the first flight itinerary I had and it showed 9800 flight miles between us; that’s four flights and about a day and a half in between, but it seems like more than that. My wife arrived here in January of 2016, we’ve been married since May of 2015. This video could also be called “When you can’t be there to help your Filipina in a crisis”.
Can’t embrace her-One thing you’ll need to come to grips with is the possibility of your wife needing to return home to the Philippines without you. I have done that a couple of times and I hated every minute of it. If there is something bothering my wife I know when she’s here that I will be here to comfort her and hold her, but when she is so far away, that isn’t going to happen. Embracing her is good for me too! If a family member has taken very ill and she needs to be with them, you want so much to console her and monitor how she is reacting to it all, but that’s harder to do when so far away. I guess you could try calling her but…
Communication issues-When the internet connection is bad in the Philippines, it’s very bad. You might be chatting with her and all of a sudden, the connection gets bad, often getting dropped but then trying to be reestablished. If the discussion is intense, that is very frustrating. If it is very heavy usage time of day, it could be a real stop and go experience. There is another element that can interfere with communication- the time zone.
Time zone difference-Your daily activities aren’t synched up anymore when she goes so far away. This can make it difficult to keep up with what’s going on.
Things to do-If your Filipina wife is there to tend to some serious business, she is going to have her hands full. It is great if you can allow her to return home for an emergency. I know some guys can handle this better than others and if they can afford it, or their wife works after immigration then the finances aren’t a road block. Personally, I allow it because we can afford it, but I would never in a million years suggest to her that she should go and see her family and leave me here. I need my little woman.
When she is scrambling around trying to get things done, she may not be as available as you’d like her to be. We also need to keep in mind that things move slower over there, it takes longer to get things done, depending on what it is. Going to the doctor is slower as I am not sure they take appointments, you just show up, sit and wait your turn, might have to leave somewhere else for tests and check in for that, then return to the clinic, and wait your turn to learn how the tests turned out. Depending on where she is, the internet connection will vary.
If her husband is working, he won’t have a lot of spare time to keep up with what’s happening with her in the Philippines.
Rock my world-What gave me the idea for this video was the October 29, 2019 earthquake in Mindanao. My wife had just arrived for a medical crisis and experienced an earthquake while at the hospital with family. Now a week or so later, she feels it five times and wants to evacuate before it is chaos in the streets. While I might want a play by play description of everything that is taking place, that isn’t realistic. I never know if she will be on a scooter and the streets open up or she is sleeping at home and the ceiling collapses on her, or if a loved one will be injured and that personally is exasperating.
As it is here in the states, I pray for her regularly when she is driving and having been in the Philippines several times, I realize the driving there is less controlled, regulated and safe, although I admit I haven’t seen any accidents.
Time to herself-The last thing I will mention is that with a lot going on in the Philippines to deal with that she wasn’t expecting to be involved with, if she is getting physically and emotionally run down she may need some time to herself, which means I need to give her that space.
While all this isn’t particularly a relationship issue, it certainly can impact it. I’d like to hear from guys about how they deal with their wife needing to be away, and be honest. I didn’t wait many years to find a wife then have to “give her up” for a while. If something “big” is happening, I want to be there with her, but that is not possible. I am not shy to say that I often do not handle this well and get impatient and explode. Then I have created more problems for myself, adding to my misery.
I get very sullen and frustrated at times like this and it is easy to let my mind drift and think “well, this wouldn’t happen if I had married someone from here”. That might be true but I was not able to marry someone from here and I am glad I went overseas to look for a wife. Amidst the cultural and age gap differences there are some logistics of her family being so far away that you need to be ready for. Until recently I just figured we’d be together and if we couldn’t be then I’d always know what’s going on by staying in touch, but it just isn’t always that simple.
I need to remind myself these are not everyday occurrences. In any relationship there will be things popping up to deal with like health issues and safety issues, and sometimes you are so far away you feel deprived not getting to keep up with it, at least I do.
That’s all part of a very long distance-relationship, but you have to take the good with the bad when you find Love Beyond the Sea.