Relationship Advice

Live - Insisting on Marrying a Virgin When You Aren't a Virgin

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I hear see this from time to time, a man who has had sex with multiple women in his life, now wants to settle down, however, a big priority he has is to marry a virgin. Is this not a double standard? He is allowed to have fun with any woman he wants but, the right woman for him should avoid men until he is ready to marry her? Love Beyond The Sea is the channel for Fil-West Higher Education and I want to help make marriage great again. Love is my business, and business is good, but when I see men wanting a virgin when they have been a player, something seems wrong about that.

I am going to ask a lot of questions and I want you to contribute the answers; give me your response, share your experiences. This is not an everyday YouTube live stream topic but I prefer to deal with important matters if you have seen my videos. Sometimes I think many people aren’t interested in that or maybe sometimes I hit too close to home. You have permission to talk about this tonight.

Tonight’s live stream is about the idea of a non-virgin man insisting on a virgin woman to marry. Since it is normal for some to catch the live stream at the end, I may repeat many of these questions before stopping the live stream. I am not in a hurry tonight and I think it would make an interesting live stream and video afterwards.

Why do men think so highly of virgins? I mean, at one point virginity is mocked and ridiculed, then later it is so highly prized like gold at the end of a rainbow.

Is it because it shows self-restraint?

Good morals?

Could it be he doesn’t want to “fail” with an experienced woman?

Why would a man with proven questionable character, insist on a woman who has been holding back? He can certainly learn from his past. He is able to stop fornicating, but it is very difficult. If he has enjoyed it, it may be brutal. If he had regretful experiences, he might end up being jaded for life.

If virginity is so highly sought after by men who aren’t virgins themselves, then is there something outstanding about him that kind of overlooks his notch count?

Is it a virtue in a woman to be a virgin and a virtue in a man not to be a virgin?

To be clear, I think virginity is commanded by God before getting married. Anything else is something that is going to come with consequences whether you realize them or not. There is no “second best way”. There is God’s way and there is the wrong way. We should choose God’s way. The best way to live is to not have sex with any woman other than your wife. Just her and not until her. How realistic is that? Well, if you are going to sit around single until you are in your mid 20s or 30 then probably it is not realistic. You should be married by then.

I have to draw a line somewhere because I don’t want to be will-nilly. I think the Bible is clear in 1 Corinthians 7 that to avoid fornication (sexual sin) you must get married, unless you don’t get sexually tempted, in which case you would not need to marry and certainly shouldn’t marry someone who needs sex, which again, is most people.

Why do they want to have sex with women who are experienced but want to marry a virgin? His sexual experiences are not a benefit to his future wife. I hope I didn’t just ruin anyone’s day. He needs to train himself to please his future wife, which is a lot easier to do when there hasn’t been anyone else.

I don’t get this. Do they not care about the ones they are sleeping with? Are they going to somehow just stop not caring and seamlessly start caring about the woman they marry?

Do they think that somehow by going from a player’s lifestyle to settling down with a virgin that somehow, that changes who they are or what they’ve done in the past?

Do they want to have their cake and eat it too?

You might be thinking why do I even care? I get the impression it is being very picky. It is easy to “fall” to sexual temptation, even when you weren’t even necessarily looking for it. So a woman who falls to temptation doesn’t mean she is a whore or a whore in the making. Women need it as much as a man and some women want it more than some men, especially if she is younger. WOMEN NEED SEX Too!

If a man is currently playing the field, when does he expect to stop doing that? I am not sure there will ever be a time that feels right. He has already been spoiled by the greatness of the gift of sex, before its time. If someone watching now or later is a virgin, then hold out, but get your butt looking for a wife.

How much of a “second virginity” is he going to need? How long before he just can’t stand it anymore?

Will he consider it necessary to shut it down for a few years?

I have spent some time on Philippines-related message boards and can get the impression players and even men who have been married before, are also looking for this wonderful virgin girl, who must be head and shoulders above the non-virgins. Are the men thinking that somehow they can “right the wrongs of their past” with this young girl?

Do they think they somehow deserve her?

If they valued her virginity and her youth, wouldn’t it make more sense to stay out of her way and let her “get it” from a young man who will marry her and can give it to her like a young woman wants it?

I have seen this-the man desires a Filipina virgin. What if she is 30, 35, 40? Does that lessen her appeal?

Wait for a virgin or be miserable the rest of your life? We all only have so much time. I consider sexual temptation to be the strongest kind and the older a woman is past her teenage years and into college, the likelihood she may give in to temptation is great. We are to rejoice with the wife of our youth. I believe having regular sexual activity should be a normal part of a man and woman’s life, as long as it between them only and they are married.

Each day that goes by and you have not initiated workable plans to find a wife, virgin or not, your experience here on earth is coming to a close. Why waste another day not moving towards finding a wife? Why put on unnecessary restraints that will only make it impossible? Sometimes when I see a man making the statement that he must have a virgin, I ask myself if he is intentionally trying to avoid getting married. Virginity is a great thing and a high bar and the right thing to do. It is not something to be disposed of as much as something to be cherished very highly UNTIL marriage. Then, the Bible says God’s intention is to do whatever the two of you want to do with your bodies.

If a man and woman are divorced, do they still prefer a virgin? I don’t know. Again, on the one hand, sexual experience seems to be the order of the day, then again, it switches to wanting a virgin. If two have been widowed, they both have experience of the most intimate kind, but it came in the right context-marriage, where it was honored by God. None of the sex people have outside marriage does them any good at all. All of the sex they have in marriage is good for him, good for her, and good for them if done with the right attitude-to please your spouse.

Has anyone wondered why a woman might be a virgin at 20, 25, 30 or more?

How many factors might be involved with this?

Do men say they just want a virgin OR do they get picky even about why she is a virgin? I want to add that there are many things at play in a marriage besides her past sexual experience.

Is it entitlement to insist on a virgin to marry when you are not a virgin? It does seem hypocritical to me. Preference is one thing, but insistence is something else.

What would make a man who isn’t a virgin think he deserves a virgin? Can the virgin woman insist on finding a virgin husband?

Is it like a guy who likes to get drunk regularly insisting on marrying a woman who never drinks? If anyone is ever entitled to a virgin, it is another virgin and they are marrying each other.

Is it maybe a lack of grace-he can forgive himself but not a woman who is not a virgin? Jesus commanded the harlot to go and sin no more. If she was able to do that, can she possibly change and become a good wife to someone?

If the man has had many sexual relationships but is not repentant, can he be a good husband?

When you are married you are going to deal with each other’s sin on a regular basis, of various kinds. You will need to be forgiving. Your spouse won’t be the person you thought they were. You will be learning about each other.

Are you a virgin? If you are, I hope this video will be encouraging to you.

Do you know what a virgin’s attitude towards sex would be? There is a reason he or she has chosen to be inactive until marriage.

Do you assume she is “saving herself” for a man? <story of man whose wife wouldn’t sleep with him> ask her about her views of sex before you marry her.

If you are a virgin, how old are you? If you are young, then I think desiring a virgin is a good thing but you have to remain realistic. I think anything over 22 is difficult. I think it is BEST if BOTH are virgins. Absolutely the best because then they can learn about the wonderful activity of sex together in their married life. If they are the same age and youngish, great.

Young women have sex drives too and they live among men with strong sex drives. If men are trying to sweet talk them into their bedroom, those young women are under a lot of temptation. What she needed was to find someone to marry before having sex. Today, people aren’t marrying as fast as they should so finding a virgin is getting less likely every day.

As you may know, I didn’t get married until I was 53. I hadn’t had a girlfriend in 30 years. I don’t think the thought to marrying a virgin ever crossed my mind and I hadn’t been having sex.

If you are willing to marry a woman who is not a virgin, are there questions you plan on asking her about her sexual past?

Would a virgin woman trust a non-virgin as a possible husband? Looking at it from her perspective and perhaps that of her parents, she may have a problem trusting him.

Does a virgin man lack confidence if he refuses to marry a woman who is not a virgin? Maybe he feels like he can’t afford to “fail” with her. That’s part of the beauty of discovery, you will screw up some times. How it is handled is what matters.

What if he finds a woman who is a virgin and they have nothing in common? Does he marry her because she is a virgin? I would hope there would be more to it that he just wants a virgin.

Would he be worried that she might not be “normal” if she is a virgin?

Perhaps her family is very protective and is going to have a lot of questions to ask the man. Are you able to stand in front of her parents or her family if they want to grill you about your sexual past?

Focus on the future and how the woman perceives and understands matters presently. Neither one of you is perfect and both of you are running out of time. Find someone. You can only have an imperfect sinner, like yourself, like all of us. Don’t make excuses either. Many of us have found wives overseas. GWYW-Go Where You’re Wanted.

God’s way is for a man to marry a woman, before he is tempted sexually, have children, and stay together until one of them dies. Ideally, there is no sexual failure with sexual temptation, no unwanted pregnancies, no poor experiences that make you question your ability or if sex is a good thing. God’s way is that the husband and wife get used to each other in a way where they both learn everything that they can about each other, sexually, without being compared to someone else.

We aren’t supposed to have to worry about being compared to someone else who is more experienced. Being more experienced is NOT a good thing. Having NO experience is the proper way to go into a marriage. If someone here watching this is a virgin, great! In your case, I think it would be best to look for a virgin, but hopefully you are not too old, because that makes it more problematic because the older a woman is the more likely it is that she has had sex before.

I think if you are a virgin wanting a virgin, I hope you find one and I hope you get married and rattle the paint off the walls! Ask God to work on you and ask God to work on her. Showing and receiving grace is a good thing. Whatever our pasts, I started over with my love beyond the sea!

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