The other day I heard a man on YouTube make the comment “love hurts, but I want it anyway!” I thought he made a very astute comment because having someone to love guarantees we will experience hurts that we could avoid if we didn’t bother to try to get married, but since this is a pro marriage channel, I personally wouldn’t recommend giving up on love just because there will be some challenges along the way. I want to talk about what this comment has to do with foreigners and Filipinas.
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From an article I will link in the description box on sethadamsmith.com “True love will be painful. True love should be painful.”
“To be clear, when I say that true love should be painful, I am not referring to abusive, obsessive, or co-dependent relationships; those relationships are predicated upon selfishness and will inevitably produce a pain that’s destructive and detrimental.”
“No, the “painful love” to which I am referring are those relationships that help us grow beyond ourselves. Because we are all imperfect, we will inevitably get hurt. But that hurt has the ability to make us stronger than before. Marriage and family relationships are to our hearts like exercise is to our muscles.”
Many of us want love, but why are men looking to the Philippines? Filipinas aren’t perfect, no nationality of women is, yet I married a Filipina, so I can relate to guys looking to the Philippines for a wife. Since I was young, I was always mesmerized by the beauty of Filipinas and had heard that they make good wives because they are generally more old-fashioned than western women, or at least you are more likely to find one like this.
This relates to a Filipina wanting to look feminine, enjoys cooking and keeping a clean, orderly house, likes children, and generally makes a good mate because they, well, are good to their husbands. Less drama, lower maintenance.
“Love hurts” is true of any marriage, but how might it be especially true with foreigners and Filipinas? One way is the different cultures. The strong family bond in the Philippines can be the cause of some conflict, making the foreign man wondering where her loyalties are. He could be unhappy if she spends what he considers an inordinate amount of time on social media or apps allowing her to talk face to face with her family. Her desire to send money home can become an issue if he thinks she is overdoing it.
Tampo can cause hurt feelings and resentment. To know why Tampo exists and what she is hoping to accomplish by using it, see a video I will link in the description box called “The best way to deal with Tampo”. Check that one out.
Another challenge a foreigner and Filipina will have is normally they haven’t spent the same amount of time with each other as they would if they were in the same city, so there are bound to be some surprises early on as you continue to get to know each other. Just the usual differences in the way we do things.
A Filipina is not used to dealing with outspoken men like Americans tend to be, with a propensity to lose our tempers. This may be something an American couple might not be taken aback by since they are from the same country, but Filipinas aren’t used to what they consider “rude” Americans, so be careful and realize you are dealing with a woman from another country.
One last way Filipina love hurts is that when a man has invested the time and money pursuing and marrying a Filipina, especially if immigration is involved, it just feels worse if things aren’t going well, and if you haven’t experienced that you’ll need to take my word for it. It’s true that the ones that hurt us the most are the ones we are closest to.
C. S. Lewis put it this way:
“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one…Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness…The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”
If you have waited for a long time to find true love, it will sting when you have the usual problems that we all have. Filipinas make great wives, that’s one reason why Love Beyond The Sea exists, to help men pursue and marry the Filipinas, but you start from so far away in different cultures, and often an age gap, and you can understand why there will be conflict from time to time.
I will link a video called the High Cost of being alone. I do believe marriage is best for most people, and being single hurts too, in different ways than being married and I hate the times my wife and I have a spat about something. However, we at least have the opportunity to make up and making up just feels great when it happens! That is not an option when someone is alone.
Yes, love hurts, but I don’t want to be without my love beyond the sea!