The topic of a foreigner looking for a young wife is very common anymore that it’s really not a big deal. He wants her for her youth, beauty, companionship, fun, energy and so on, but in cases where the foreign man has children about the same age as the Filipina, it is likely to be a big deal to the children. I am about to share a hard-line approach with you. I will build up to it, I am going to break it to you slowly.
Maybe I shouldn’t. You can always correct me if you think I am wrong. I can always delete this video. I have watched enough “90-day fiancé” shows to know that sometimes a man will get grief from his relatives. Sometimes they seem genuinely concerned, other times they seem unwilling to accept his decision no matter what.
I want to express my thoughts on how to deal with this, so be prepared to leave comments as I expect there to be a lot of dissent. Please subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea for all kinds of information to give foreigners looking for Filipinas something to think about. Don’t forget to get notifications for upcoming videos. Please watch all the way through. Since the backbone of this channel is discussing anything that pertains to a foreigner’s relationship with a Filipina, I must have the spine to not avoid a topic that isn’t going to please everyone. I am not here to entertain you; I am here to prepare you. I should probably add this video to the Controversial Collection playlist.
While my sentiments make perfect sense to me, and I admit I don’t have children, this is how I feel about it. I am open to hearing what others say about this, who have dealt with unhappy family members. I may be wrong, you know? This is how I feel about it right now. I tend to draw lines and go all-in to what matters to me. If you disagree, let me know. These are my impressions.
I am able to imagine how children might feel about me dating or marrying a young woman approximately their age. I know how people on the outside of the family view a situation like this, and it is about the same as someone inside the family. I was looking for a younger woman from the Philippines when it was painfully clear I wasn’t getting anywhere in my own country. I have never felt any shame about it, and I have no trouble talking about it, I know it is possible to desire such a woman to marry with honorable intentions, and NOT do it to treat her as a sex object.
While other men can attest to the same thing, and perhaps even their own children would support him, that isn’t always the case. When that happens, there exists a situation where the children will let their father know that they disapprove of his choice of a wife. They might be concerned about being ridiculed by their friends and people that know them. They might be worried that they just lost out on their family inheritance. They could just not want the Filipina, in even a very small way, to make it seem like she is taking the place of their mother.
It’s true that a man wanting a younger wife is nothing new, you don’t hear as much about the behind-the-scenes struggle that can happen between the siblings and their own father. Here is where I am ready for some backlash.
Pick your poison-This may not even become an issue and I hope it doesn’t. I can think of two ways to deal with it. One will hurt the Filipina, the other will hurt your family. Of course, his family may accept his younger wife, but this video is about what to do if they have made it clear they do not accept her and think he has all but lost his mind.
The easy way out-The easiest way to handle it is to politely tell the Filipina that your children are not going to accept her and that you value their opinions more than your own and the Filipina that you want to marry. You thank her for the time she has invested in you then you cut bait. There is no point in bringing her into a hornet’s nest and cause stress for everyone.
Protect the Filipina-Yet If he marries her, he must protect her not just from harm from without, but also harm from within. You can still choose an older woman from the Philippines or be alone the rest of your life. I prefer the other option, which risks someone in the foreign man’s family not being happy, but allows himself and his Filipina to be. Here is how I would deal with dissention in the ranks. I know some of you won’t agree with it.
The wife comes first-Depending on his age, his children could be in their twenties up to fifty or so. Nonetheless they could resent him marrying a much younger woman and as is often the case within families, not be bashful about letting him know. That’s alright, I won’t be bashful to have a reply for them and that is this: I am marrying this woman or I have married this woman, and she is now the top priority in my life and I expect you to treat her with the utmost respect. I am not going to tolerate any criticism. This woman is my wife, I have chosen to marry her and I don’t need your opinion on the matter.
You will accept her as my wife, you don’t have to think of her as your second mother. I will take her side if there is any trouble made, that’s just the way it’s going to be. If I have to choose between you and this woman, I will choose her because she is my wife and that is something I need in my life and we have chosen each other to start a new life together. Am I clear?
There should be no wavering, he expects the family to respect his wife. It shouldn’t be a problem unless the children want out of his life and will and future, it’s up to them. The reason I believe this way is the high regard I am to have for my wife. I am not going to let anyone get in between us, even if it is my family. They would be totally out of line. I would want my wife to know she has nothing to worry about. She comes first. The children have the option of falling in line or not. I’m not going to try to appease them, I have laid down the law.
His children must respect his decision-It will be an exhausting battle to please everyone in the event children don’t approve of his choice of a wife and are going to give him a piece of their minds. I think a hard line needs to be drawn and right away or else they will end up making the Filipina feel like she is caught in the middle of something that she didn’t bargain for, which would be unfair to her. You can’t have it both ways, you can’t try to please everyone in a situation like this, so don’t even try. Side with the Filipina and let everyone else know that is your decision, period. If they value their father, this shouldn’t be an issue, if they want to treat him like a grown man, this shouldn’t be a problem.
The children don’t have to like his decision, they merely have to respect it. I mentioned I didn’t have children but my mother lives with us and I have explained to her that I need to put my marriage first, and I will support my wife if there are any issues and I mean it. There absolutely cannot be any family disputes of this matter, I think the children need to acquiesce, I’m not giving them a choice.
Older children not immune to being divisive-I know a foreigner who told me his children all but abandoned him when he married his younger Filipina wife. He is older so his children would likely be in their fifties. They didn’t have to abandon him, they could have accepted his choice, tolerated his reasoning, and let him live out the rest of his life, but even at an age they should have some maturity about them, that’s how they chose to react. Maybe they will come around later. Maybe they got left out of the will. Choice is theirs.
Still time to get out-Here’s the thing, if there is any chance that I did not value my Filipina wife like I ought to, I just wouldn’t marry her. If I am unwilling to fully support her, I shouldn’t marry her. If my resolution is to let my children dictate my decisions, I can cancel that Asian dating site membership right now. Once I have married her, she comes first, everyone else has the option of falling in line. Once I have told my family, my children, about my choice after carefully telling them why she will be a good wife, there is nothing to talk about.
I want everyone in my life to know I chose my wife very seriously and she is to be respected. She is not one of many relationships in my life, she is the primary one, my wife. I don’t care how young she is. Am I wrong? That’s how I feel about my love beyond the sea.