Age Gap Concern? How People View Us in Publicby Bobpublished on
I am making this video to accommodate a viewer request. They asked for a video to address the perception of people when we are in public due to our large age gap. Whether we are in America or the Philippines, my wife has never made a comment on how anyone has reacted to us in public. If I had a camera I’d be interested in people’s responses, or maybe not, it wouldn’t affect our marriage one way or the other. Subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea, the channel that wants to make marriage great again. I go into a lot of detail because this is a channel for higher Fil-West education, and you should be prepared for what married life with a Filipina is like.
Honestly the only observation I have is from the Philippines, and that is on the third time I was there. Only then did I perceive anyone even looking at me, and that was in the mall we usually went. There were a lot of people there, and not all that many foreigners, but I did notice some men looking at me with Aiza nearby. For all I know, the reason they were looking was because I was a foreigner, not that I was with a Filipina. I would describe the looks as a pensive stare. The kind that makes you feel like you are being scrutinized a little.
When we met with her friends, some of them married, all were polite and friendly, I felt like I could talk to them, nothing was out of the ordinary. But what about here in America, is it a different story? Where have we been out in public?
At work-This would be the best place to start because my wife and I worked at the same company for a while, one I was been at for 40 and her for over two years. When she first started there, I made sure to introduce her to some people. We sat together at breaks before her shift changed. I have noticed a few looks like in the Philippines although the difference is that the facial expressions are not as stern or pensive, they are more pleasant in appearance.
The workers in her department haven’t seemed uncomfortable around us. Workers from my department have not been uncomfortable around us. My wife is good with remembering names so she knows the names of a lot of my coworkers. We interact with them just like anyone else. The main cafeteria worker would often stop by and chat with us.
Now, were there some people who talked behind our back, oh yes, I think you pretty much need to expect that. I heard things from time to time. You can’t let that bother you when you already expect it.
I doubt there is anyone in our lives who knows my Amazing Aiza and sees us together that can have a problem with us. I am very proud of how she has done at work. Possibly related to this topic is I have had men and women say hello and use my name and I don’t know who they are. Very strange indeed. I had never talked to them before and they say hi by name, hmmm. One of her coworkers joined Christian Filipina, met a girl online, made several quick trips to see her, got married and now she’s been in the state for a couple of years.
At church-My wife remembers a lot of names at church too. It is a smaller congregation of around 70 attenders, and they have embraced and accepted my wife. My wife gives the elderly women a hug and talks to them, and she has gotten to know some of the younger women there. The only time someone said anything to me was an elderly man commented to me that he thought I was too hands on with Aiza when he saw us together; too touchy feely. I think he felt I shouldn’t have been rubbing her back, stroking her hair, basically touching her, but I didn’t apologize for it. I think for him it was not the place for it or I just shouldn’t have been doing it, but you can’t please everyone. I have been a little more cognizant of that since, but at home I can’t keep my hands off of her, and don’t need to.
Right after my wife arrived here, a woman a little older than she was, arranged for a “welcome shower” for her, with the help of an older woman who had immigrated a long time ago from Australia. It was remarkable. It was just for the women and despite having a small church of about seventy people, I think we brought home up to 45 gifts from the shower. I know my wife gave a talk at one point and was crying a little bit when reflecting on leaving her family but she told them “the Bible says a wife must be with her husband” so she was going to adapt to America. Wow.
At movies-I haven’t noticed any stares or anything unusual at the movies. I know, it’s dark there right, but not all the time.
At sporting events-Nothing of note here either.
Shopping-Here is where I might expect to turn some heads but I haven’t noticed any of that.
Financial advisor-I think it is imperative my wife meet our financial advisor because my wife needs to understand the financial language describing where our money is, how it grows, how it could go down in value, how the taxes work, what is a pension and a 401-K and so on. My financial advisor and her supervisor both love seeing Aiza.
Attorneys-I have legal insurance mainly for changes to our will and the first one I had seemed really interested in my wife’s background. He was about my age. He was courteous and politely inquisitive. Then he took a job as a judge and the next attorney was fine like anyone else with us. I’d like to think a lot of that is due to my wife being cordial and good mannered. She dresses nice but not like she is trying to show off.
Medical staff-The last public place I can think of and I could me missing somewhere, is my doctors as I have taken my wife to all of them, the reason being I want them to meet her and I want her to know who they are and hear first-hand what they are saying about my health. I helped my wife find a women’s doctor and even went in to her initial examinations so I could know what she is being told and for them to know that I care about my dream Filipina. I wanted to make a statement that I cared about my wife and that I was her husband. Her doctor and our dentist and our dental hygienist all enjoy seeing Aiza as she is very courteous. When she got here, she brought the hygienist a Filipino dish she cooked. They make sure she gets taken care of there. The dentist is a woman and about my age and she is happy for us.
I have not noticed any flack when we are together, the only things close to that was when I was meeting with a younger male doctor’s assistant and tried to show him a photo of Aiza, and he turned away his face in apparent disdain and didn’t say a word. This made for an awkward moment. I wonder how he would have reacted had she been there with me. Interestingly, at a clinic I go to, one of the doctor’s wife is 30 years younger than he was. I wonder what the reaction has been for them?
There was one occasion we had someone we invited into our house to talk to us about a home security system and for some reason he seemed a bit uncomfortable. He might also have been the one who was trying to get us to use his services illegally by paying for our deductible-you can’t do that. My wife and mother were there so we could hear what he had to say. It may have had nothing to do with our age difference, but she and I were sitting close together and I had my arm around her.
I’d say public reaction has been very positive with my love beyond the sea.