Marriage Advice

Are you Comfortable with Interracial Marriage and Cultural differences?

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If a Filipina has already made the move to leave the Philippines to be with a foreign man in his country, she has already shown a willingness to step way out of her comfort zone, way out. She has temporarily at least, left everything behind. I find it remarkable a Filipina would be willing to marry a foreign man so far away from her family, to be able to help her family, and at the same time be a good wife. I don’t believe a Filipina is likely move to another country just to go through the motions. Today I want to talk about culture and interracial marriage.

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Just in marrying my Filipina wife I had to already go way out of my comfort zone. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would get in a plane by myself and travel to a country almost ten thousand miles away, to marry a woman I had known for about five weeks that I hadn’t met in person yet! I always thought fifty miles was about my limit to be away from someone to date. I think I did it because I recognized an opportunity to finally get married and had waited patiently for so long that I was willing to do whatever it took to marry when I got the chance.

I could add here that if you are aware of the danger of getting scammed, and still found a good Filipina to marry, then you again were able to take some risk in order to accomplish something you believed was important, so you can do it. As far as future plans with a Filipina, the same mindset will need to be realized again. In between you will be involved with the getting-to-know-each-better-stage as well as growing your relationship and enjoying life together.

Do you know what would require you to step out of your comfort zone marrying a Filipina? Here are some I thought of and if you can think of some other ones please tell me what they are in the comments section. Others might trade the word “fear” for “uncomfortable”; there are some things they are afraid of when thinking about what it would be like to communicate with a Filipina so far away and even contemplate marrying her. Here are some possible reasons a foreign man might be reluctant to leave his comfort zone.

Different culture-Some men say that they enjoy different cultures and maybe have even been to the Philippines before. For others it would require quite a shift in their perspective as they may have grown up assuming they will marry someone from where they already live. I have been to the Philippines four times and always came away thinking how friendly people were. I saw first-hand how an older family member was not put out to pasture. Those are admirable. But it is the difference in culture that might worry someone.

The Philippines is a developing country with a lot of poverty. This was the biggest shock to me going the first time. I had seen similar scenes in magazines and television but seeing it for real up close was humbling. There is pollution in some areas and it tends to be loud with music and the pace of life is much slower. A slower pace of life seems like a good dream to me but it might take some getting used to.

You might consider that there is likely poverty in any country and If the Filipina is handling her situation well, then you would be getting a tough-minded woman with a survivor’s yet pleasant mindset. She cannot help where she is born and probably would prefer to live there her whole life if she had more financial means. My wife is polite and professional, to a degree that seems unusual here in America. It helps to try to see the good things in her being from a different culture, instead of the differences that we are uncomfortable with.

They have a lot of sappy love stories and commercials on Philippines television, which I find endearing. It is mostly a Catholic country but there are many denominations there. I went there unaffected by negative stereotypes because I wasn’t aware of much other than there was potential to marry a younger woman from there who I had been chatting with a lot. Even though the surroundings were shocking to me all I focused on was the quality of the woman I was about to marry. That would be my advice and I don’t think the difference in culture is that big of a deal.

Not sure of Interracial marriage-

While I don’t think an intercultural marriage is that big of a deal, the idea of interracial marriage is concerning to some. Here are some reasons why people might be hesitant to engage in an interracial marriage, right or wrong-

The belief that the Bible is against it. The Bible does not condemn interracial marriage, this gets confused with the union of a believer and a non-believer. OT warnings like Deuteronomy 7:3 are akin to a New Testament verse like 2Corinthinas 6:14 where the issue is to avoid a Christian and non-Christian marriage, not an interracial one. The Bible does not teach against interracial marriage.

The belief it is unnatural-The belief there are certain diseases among certain races-The belief it is bad for the children-The belief it is hard on extended families-The belief there could be too many cultural differences-The belief that it is too outside the box-The belief there will be opposition from society-The belief of resistance from parents. Let me discuss this a bit, and if you have comments please make them, I would be glad to respond to them.

It is possible that unfounded fears of interracial marriage comes from our upbringing. My hunch is that today, children are growing up in a world where intercultural-interracial marriage is acceptable, but when I and probably many of you were children, such a marriage was frowned upon and discouraged. I admit this was never an issue with me. Perhaps this is because the first girlfriend I had was from Guyana and had dark skin and I had always liked dark skin. I liked tan skin and thought it was cool to have a permanent tan so having a dark-skinned girlfriend would be good.

I had heard Filipinas make good wives and you could find one who spoke good English so that was my concern and that they be a Christian. I can’t imagine God saying two Christians aren’t good enough to marry because they are from different places in the world. It is their shared faith in Christ that allows them to marry each other. I don’t consider it unnatural, that would be like marrying an animal. As for certain diseases it may be true that some races are more disposed to certain health risks but I don’t know why that would be an issue because poor health can strike anyone at any time.

Whether there are too many cultural differences is up to each person to figure out. Doing something outside the box makes us a bit uncomfortable but that’s all it is, just unfamiliarity. As for opposition from society, that is present all the time anyway. My marching orders so to speak were to get married and I never had the thought that God would be unhappy with me if I married someone from another country. The way I looked at it, I needed to do something out of the norm. I could have tried dating someone in another state but they might not have the qualities of a Filipina. I just wanted a good wife and to be a good husband.

Asian women have a lot of appeal. I have not had any problems from anyone I know and certainly my family is not opposed to it. My mother, aunt and cousin get along well with my wife because she is a quality woman. I honestly couldn’t fathom marrying a better woman for our family. She fits right in. I’ve talked about culture and interracial marriage in this video and I have additional threats to your comfort zone with a Filipina coming up in following videos so stay tuned right here on Love Beyond The Sea.

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