In any good relationship, both people should be able to be themselves, not feeling the weight of needing to conform to the other’s expectations. Is this somehow different in a foreigner Filipina union considering the differences in culture, and often, age gap? Can you be yourself or will you have to act younger around a younger wife or be embarrassed when out in public? After all, there is a certain amount of social disapproval of the type of relationship many who watch these videos are looking for.
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My concern picking this topic was just the idea of how marrying a younger Filipina might be tempting to make a man alter the way he normally thinks and what he stands for, and act differently around her or even around his friends when he is with his wife. I’d like to think that when I am with Aiza alone, or with some friends or even with her and her family, that I am the same person in all scenarios.
Each should see the good in each other. Each should not want to change essential things about the other. We should be complimentary of each other’s strengths and accept the weaknesses. It is good to allow each other to be themselves. I am not suggesting we should have carte blanche to behave anyway we want and that has to be accepted without consequences. I want to begin with this disclaimer.
We can’t ignore that there are things about us that need to change, and those should be worked on for the good of the relationship. Society has gotten increasingly selfish, which makes having a good marriage impossible. People put themselves above the relationship and destroy it. I don’t just want to be accepted for being myself, I want to become a better self for my wife.
Now, here are ways that each partner in a relationship should be able to safely be themselves without worrying they must conform to the wishes of a manipulative partner.
You can maintain other relationships-Especially early on, the foreigner will need to spend extra time with his Filipina because everything will be new to her in her new country, so he has to be willing to temporarily spend less time with his friends. He owes that to her, but he should be able to maintain some key relationships and introduce his new bride to them. I think it is quite possible that your friends will be her friends and your family will be her family.
Speaking of family, my mother lives with us and I feel free and uninhibited to act around my Filipina wife the same way I act around her when we are alone (well, almost!) I don’t feel the need to be different when my mother is around.
You can maintain your values and beliefs-The foreign man should not have to walk on eggshells with his values and beliefs for fear of upsetting his Filipina wife, so be sure to talk about your important beliefs while dating. My wife knew some of my values and where they came from, so I hope there have not been any surprises for her. It helps to talk about non-negotiables before marriage.
You can maintain your personality-Being with a younger woman can cause some guys to try to act younger or act in ways to impress the Filipina, but you can’t act forever. I would never recommend doing anything out of the ordinary for you, to impress a Filipina. Being yourself is the only way you’ll know if she accepts the real you.
You can maintain your quirks-We all have odd things about our personalities and the longer you’ve known the Filipina, the more likely she will be exposed to them, but it takes being together a lot in order to have all of our quirks and idiosyncrasies out in the open. There are some things we can’t change about someone else and our personality and quirks are two of them. If your Filipina is accepting of your personality quirks, she is allowing you to be yourself.
You don’t have to give up all your interests-The fewer time-consuming interests you have before marriage the easier it will be to spend quality time with your Filipina. I don’t think it is reasonable or fair to the Filipina to have to vie with anything for your attention, I believe she needs to be your number one priority.
You might have to throw some interests overboard; I’m just saying she shouldn’t demand you to drop all your interests, so talk a lot with her before marriage about what you have been doing over the years and how important they are to you.
You are allowed to fail-Here is an area it helps to have spent ample time with each other in person, which is difficult to impossible in a very long-distance relationship. The more time she sees you make mistakes, the more you can observe how she reacts. If the relationship is good, you won’t have to feel like you have to be perfect.
You can express yourself without fear-This is another way to know if you are free to be yourself. If you feel like you have to withhold your opinions because of fear of rejection, that would not be good. I am not referring to boisterously proclaiming opinions you already know she dislikes, you still have to use tact. In my marriage, I have known her long enough to know how she feels about some of my opinions.
While she might not disagree with them, I am a lot more outspoken and sometimes can press the point more than I need to. I have learned that I can express myself without fear, because she agrees with me or tolerates my opinion already, but I have to be careful about the circumstances. I can’t be a loose cannon. For example, we might have different opinions of Duterte’s drug war. She will accept mine but that doesn’t give me the right to bring it up all the time. This isn’t something we argue about by the way.
You don’t feel controlled or micromanaged-You know you can be yourself when she isn’t trying to control your time, which is good. As long as he isn’t making her feel ignored, and is available to her to talk to when she needs to, he is more likely to be able to be himself.
You can have a differing opinion-This is much like the preceding one. We all want to have many things in common with our mate but we won’t see eye to eye on everything. It can be tempting when together with a beautiful Filipina to not want to ruffle any feathers or cause conflict for fear of losing her, but it isn’t healthy to have to stifle how you feel about things. Eventually, it is going to come out.
Try to find out while dating a Filipina what her moral compass is, what her opinions are about certain things going on in the world. If you can’t agree on much then that is a relationship red flag, but in a good relationship, you can have a different opinion about something and not have to worry it will hurt the relationship. It helps to know why she feels about things the way she does.
What needs to be avoided is bringing up topics you know will upset her, or battling over who is right and being argumentative. There are some topics I’ve learned are on the sensitive side so I have learned to not go too far with my opinions.
You are allowed to change your mind-If you are able to change your mind over time about something, this is another indication you can be yourself in a relationship.
You are trusted-This is always a consideration in a foreigner and Filipina relationship-trust. Does my Filipina trust me to not pay attention to other women? Does she trust me to take good care of her? Does she trust me to be the man she thought I was when we got married? If a Filipina trusts her husband, I think he can relax and be himself.
I feel like I can be myself around my love beyond the sea.