When a foreign man marries a Filipina and brings her to his country, immediately, in the eyes of some people, she has a bad reputation, and she just arrived. She had this reputation in the opinion of some, before she married the foreigner. That’s not fair of course, but I believe her husband needs to protect his Filipina’s reputation, and that’s what we will talk about today.
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It has been said it is difficult to undo a bad reputation and it is difficult to undo a good one. If you are human it is going to bother you when you come across objections to your relationship. Yes, there will be people warning you about your choice of a girlfriend or spouse, there will be others predicting or even telling you the evil things she is going to do to you. I love my wife, and I don’t mind swinging back to protect her reputation. Here are some ways to do that.
Speak well of her to others-This is a good idea whether she is from another country or not. I am not saying to make things up to say, but what you know to be good about her, tell this to coworkers, people at church, your doctors, financial planner, significant people in your life. Speak well of her to your friends, they probably will have their reservations about her too. Most importantly perhaps, is to speak well of your Filipina to your family. They will be the most likely to say to your face very directly if they have misgivings about her.
The reason I am emphasizing this is because I would know about the stereotypes and misconceptions people have towards marrying a younger woman from southeast Asia. I am offended and take it personally when someone even hints of something unsavory or uncomplimentary of my wife. It is not advisable to retaliate by slugging someone, so you can either ignore them or you can protect her reputation, to stand up for her, by hitting them with the truth.
You know her better than anyone else in your world and I would suggest muting people’s negative thoughts by sticking up for her and telling them why you care about her. I want my wife’s reputation to precede her! I know that when they eventually meet her, they will agree with me.
Speak well of her to her-This should be easy since you are with her the most. By complimenting her often, by accentuating the positive, by affirming to her why you married her and are committed to her, she will assume you would say the same to others about her. This is confirmed to her when she hears someone say “Hey, your husband thinks highly of you”. If you like something about her, you must let her know and tell her why you appreciate it.
Speak well of her to others so she can see it-This can be done if you are in mixed company and she will really appreciate this. It will mean a lot to her that you casually mention to them about something good she did or something good about her. Another way of doing this is through social media. The main one I utilize is this YouTube channel or on someone else’s. The podcasts I mentioned can be subscribed to on Podbean and that is listed in the description box.
Since so many people could potentially hear and see it, she will be grateful that you post something nice about her. Naturally, avoid saying something just to make her feel good; be sure it is something she knows is true because she has heard it from you multiple times. That’s one side of the coin, but there is the other side that has to do with being negative about her, even if it happens to be true.
Don’t complain about her-This goes for one on one with someone, or on social media. No one knows her better than you do so you would have the most negative things to say, but think first before doing this. Just as a compliment can make the rounds and be passed on to others, so can complaints. Complaining to one person probably results in it being told to another and who knows how it gets embellished as it makes its way around the room.
If she learns you have complained about her to someone else it can lead to distrust, and she could wonder what else you have been revealing. You want to protect her reputation. This is especially true with social media. I am very careful to not say negative things about my wife on Love Beyond The Sea, and I emphasize the positive, and want to have this philosophy always. Your Filipina will appreciate being able to keep things “in house”. Complaining about someone you chose to marry is not a good look.
Don’t tolerate anyone being disrespectful to her-One other area involved with protecting your wife’s reputation is not tolerating anyone, even family and friends, to be disrespectful to her. Often family feels like they have the right to “tell you how it is”, but I have the right to demand they treat my Filipina with respect. That goes for whether your Filipina wife is present or not.
They need to know that any attempts to complain about her to me or say unflattering things will be dealt with swiftly. They need to know she matters more to me than they do. I have chosen sides; everyone needs to know where they stand.
Reputation is important to my love beyond the sea.