My wife and I have done some non-traditional things in our four-and-a-half-year marriage so far, but one day we hope to go way out on the limb and do something I think is pretty unusual. Please subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea for our perspective on Fil-Am marriage, help for the foreigner interested in a Filipina wife and what can be done to sustain the marriage. Go right ahead and leave a comment and get notifications for upcoming videos. This video will be part of a playlist called Expat Trial Run.
For starters I met her on March 17 on line and we were married in the Philippines on May 10, a fast union. Some say to forget about Filipinas, they are just out to scam you but I disagree. I petitioned my wife to live in America, which she is, but that is a no-no according to many. My mother lives with us, unorthodox for sure but it hasn’t been a recipe for disaster, I think it’s been good for all of us.
The unusual way of doing things won’t end there, not if we are able to retire to the Philippines in let’s say four years, and live with some of her family members. You heard right, live under the same roof with certain family members. We built a house there that was completed in January of 2019, and it is a large house for that reason. I will link the playlist for you that shows it through different stages.
I didn’t start my search for a wife thinking it would go this way, but we believe God directed us to each other, and has a plan for our marriage that is good. As you probably know by now, family is exceedingly important in the Philippines. We might say that here in America family is important too, but we don’t often continue to live with them after marriage. I realize there is a monetary reason underlying that, but it has been part of the culture for so long that families have grown very close, which is a good thing.
Why on earth would I decide to retire in my early sixties to live in the Philippines with my wife under the same roof as some of her family? Don’t I value privacy? Don’t I want peace and quiet as if the roosters and karaoke aren’t enough to deal with? Shouldn’t we live several islands away from her family? Has my Filipina wife hypnotized me into agreeing to do this? What was I thinking? Alright, I will try to explain that.
Essentially it boils down to wanting what is best for my wife, valuing her preferences above mine. I pledged to do that for her when we were married and that would go for any woman I married. As I have described in other videos, that’s the way I think it should be. I wouldn’t do something like that if it was a terrible thing to do for me. Living with some of her family may be very unusual considering I am an American and didn’t grow up planning to do this in retirement, but at the same time, I grew up feeling like I was not going to be able to find a wife in the first place. If for some reason it just isn’t going to work out, we can always do something about it.
Marriage does involve give and take but I am not interested in micromanaging it to be sure it is 50/50. Both should want what is good for each other. Marriage isn’t about keeping score. For the good of the marriage, each person needs to make concessions along the way. I consider my wife marrying me to be a big concession on her part.
My wife’s heart has always been in the Philippines, not all Filipinas want to make a bee-line out of the Philippines. They might want to get away from poverty, but leaving family behind must be an enormous sacrifice for them. I will link a video I made called The Filipina’s Profound Sacrifice. My wife will have been here about nine years if we retired in the Philippines and that is nine years that are hard on her to be away from her family. If we don’t have children together, staying here in America is not as important.
In my case, by that time I won’t have any relatives in the city and only one or two in a nearby city. It doesn’t seem fair to stay here on account of having a minute amount of my family around, while she has a large family in the Philippines.
My wife’s huge family in the Philippines, will essentially become my family too. Who else am I going to know in the Philippines? By now they realize that I love Aiza very much and I love them too. I have met them three times and it might be a couple more times before we retire. I am very comfortable around them. My wife is the first one in the family to marry a foreign man so there is an adjustment on their part. I have to earn their trust and I think I have. I think having the Filipina’s family nearby and being on their good side is a major positive for the foreigner.
The house we built is fairly large so I think there will be plenty of elbow room and enough privacy. I think being with her family and so close to others is a good thing for me too. My wife will and should spend ample time with her family there, the small children will be older and my wife and I both want to be there to see them grow up. I am going to need company too, I can’t expect my wife to be at my side 24 hours a day (although that would be nice!). Getting around town will be easy as three of the male family members drive scooters.
If I viewed the best retirement scenario as me having all day to do something or nothing, and only had to deal with anybody else when I wanted to, we wouldn’t be doing this. I am thrilled to be married to my Amazing Aiza and as such, I want the rest of her life to be as good as possible. As long as she is in mine, I can be happy in the Philippines with her family.
I hope to still have this YouTube channel at that time, which could make for some interesting videos! I know my wife will be happier in the Philippines, she’s given me the most satisfying years of my life, I think we will be fine in this situation. It’s not all a “rose garden” for a Filipina leaving the Philippines so I appreciate how she has integrated herself into America. I am more concerned about not being in America than I am about living with her family but we’ll see, right now I don’t pretend to know exactly how this will go.
Whatever we do, I just want to be with my Love Beyond the Sea!