Men marry for sex right? That’s not a question really, it’s a fact. Men marry for looks right? Same thing. Always been that way, always will be. Don’t feel guilty if that is you. Here on Love Beyond The Sea, I want to challenge conventional thought on something as essential as marriage because…somebody needs to. You’ve heard the phrase “after she gets old, trade her in for a younger model”, but what does that accomplish? Well, it establishes that someone is selfish and ungrateful, and those are two marriage and relationship killers you should want to avoid.
You might even say that there are expats living overseas in places like the Philippines where I met my wife, who do that very thing. Use, then toss aside, look for another young beauty. I know that men do that, but men don’t do that.
The other night on the Miss Universe pageant that my wife and I like to watch together, one of the five finalists, Miss Mexico, was asked to comment on changing standards of beauty. Now, I thought that was a tough thing to comment on especially without knowing exactly what she was supposed to comment on, but I am going to say a few things about changing standards of beauty today. I fell out of my chair when Miss Peru did not win or even finish in the final two, I was shocked. Miss India was my other pick to win and she left early. Hmmm, maybe a recount is in order? By the way, I did vote for Aiza for Mrs. Universe and declared her the winner!
Something else that caught my eye that applies to this is from an article I will link for you.
Paulina Porizkova, 56, wants to normalize 'softness that comes with age': 'Another kind of beautiful'. That’s the headline.
"Can we talk about 'still?'” the supermodel wrote in a Thursday Instagram post, sharing a photo from Vogue CS, the cover of which she appeared in April wearing a sheer black bodysuit. "'You are STILL beautiful,' 'You STILL look great,' 'I would STILL date you' are meant as compliments. How many times have you been told you’re STILL smart as a compliment?"
Porizkova added, "Sure, being pretty is considered fleeting, unlike smart. But why is it considered fleeting when it’s merely 'different?' Because of time, change in life is unavoidable, and as much good as it’s bad. So why is it so feared?"
"We appreciate the various ages of objects," she pointed out. "Antiques and vintage are as sought after — and often even more valuable than the brand new. Why can’t we look at the wrinkles and the softness that comes with age as another kind of beautiful? Instead of being 'still beautiful' because we remain the same, we could be 'beautiful' because we change."
Since mediocrity isn’t good enough for me and I want to make marriage great again, here is my take on changes in beauty standards. Maybe I shouldn’t say this, but I don’t think we have to put blinders on and call something attractive in a physical sense when it has changed so much over time. A house might have looked great 100 or more years ago but not so much these days. It can be refurbished but our bodies not so much.
The model mentioned vintage. I like some vintage things and even purchased them because they were cool and brought back memories, however, they still looked good, the purpose for them hadn’t been altered, they were still useful. You can have vintage clothes, vintage cars and maybe they had been stored in safe keeping and are practically brand new, but people don’t age as well. We do age, it is unavoidable. My perception or idea of my wife’s beauty is going to change as she gets older, or even has health problems, but the perception that is central to this topic today is how I see her overall worth to me; her overall attractiveness will continue to increase as she “decreases” or “declines”.
I won’t be looking to “trade up”. I actually believe I can help her maintain her inner beauty by regularly complimenting her and being grateful to her and devoted to her. I believe I will get out of this marriage what I put into this marriage, and that applies to everyone.
If I live long enough to see my wife turn 50 or 60, or she has a stroke, or an accident, becomes disabled, can’t take care of herself of me the way she does, how is she going to look to me then? She will be even more lovely to me than today. With each passing year (six years of marriage) this amazing woman from the Philippines that I married in only 54 days from across the world, is the woman that married me from across the world. That’s where her beauty starts to me. She was a long-time answer to prayer. I will not forget that. She said on our wedding day that she would make me forget all about the many years alone and she has done exactly that; like it never happened.
Here’s how I perceive her-She can’t avoid getting older. She can’t avoid getting sick. She can’t avoid a bad accident (I certainly pray for her health and safety), she can’t avoid getting wrinkles or gray hair. She can’t avoid getting a bad back. She will always be the woman I married in 2015 after I wondered how that was even going to be possible. She made a big choice to be my wife and she is my lover and best friend. You don’t just toss someone like that off to the side and start over with someone else. Start over? No one before did for me what this amazing little woman has done and no one can do exactly what she has done for me these six years. She has been at my side and I will stay at hers.
I married her to love her, God gave me those marching orders. While her appearance will change over time, the way I regard her will too; my appreciation for her will grow stronger and her value to me will continue to be greater. If I could picture her 30 years from now, I would notice all the good she has done for me, the way she makes my life better, all the memories that she and only she and I have experienced together.
I believe she will be more beautiful than when we married. We will be older and more decrepit, but our love won’t be. The many photos of her and of us that I have, are merely snapshots in time. As the years pass, and I don’t want these days to end, I better appreciate being with her, because at some time, what we have built will come to an end. It won’t be about sex and youth as we get older, it will be about carrying out the devotion I started with her and being able to look back and continue to cherish her for being my love beyond the sea.