Relationship Advice

Don't Look for The One to Marry Look for Someone

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I am sure I have been asked before if I knew my Amazing Aiza was “the one” when I proposed to her on day 18 and married her on day 54, or have wondered about that. I will let you know today. Please subscribe to Love Beyond The Sea, a channel about marrying a Filipina and making it work. I want to make marriage great again! Casting Beyond The Sea podcasts can be found on Podbean and the website If you want to know where I met my wife, please click on the affiliate link in the description box. I have written a book available to you for a small cost as well. Was my wife really “the one” or was I lucky?

Perhaps my title is a bit misleading. I will link a couple of videos about “the one” and the idea of a soulmate. If you watch enough of my videos and I hope you do but not all at once, you’ll find that I don’t subscribe to the notion that out of all the women on the face of the earth, there is only one woman out there to marry or you will miss out. Maybe people mean “the right one” when they say “the one”? She was right enough for me, so I proposed to her early on, and we have been married for about six and a half years.

I think there are many women in the world that a single guy could marry, so many women you haven’t considered if you are insisting on someone close to your own zip code, which I had been. I want to dissuade you from latching on to too many specific things or features that you feel you must have. There should be some things you don’t budge on, but try to keep them to a minimum. Major in the majors not the minors.

Keep in mind I had been without a girlfriend for…30 years….incredible. So I wasn’t interested in dating someone for years, then what, get married and die? How’s this-instead of seeking “the one”, why not look for a good one? There are a lot more good ones than “the ones”. Also, I think that trimming your requirements should be realistic and take into account your age. I was 53 back in 2015 and was pretty afraid that my time was running out. You can’t stop the clock from ticking, and you can’t call time out, but you can help your chances by not insisting on Miss Perfect. No matter how thin or dark her skin is or how long her black hair is.

I can look back at the times my wife and I have not gotten along well for various reasons, and ask myself if I still thought she was a good one, or a right one or “the one” and question myself since there was some turbulence in our relationship. I want to be upfront with my viewers; it isn’t always going to be a rose garden. I can’t even promise that. I hope you will subscribe and you’ll see how I recommend working through certain issues, because while I want to help men get married, I want them to stay married. Through the years (I can say that now) I’ve never had a doubt we’d always work things out. I need this little woman.

So no, I didn’t get married in a fever hotter than a pepper sprout because I saw a can’t miss prospect who I had to marry or else be doomed to go for second best instead. That is a recipe for paralysis in dating. I wanted a Christian because I am a Christian, I wanted someone to let me lead the marriage. They didn’t need to be necessarily exceptional in a bunch of ways. I wasn’t perfect (that may come as a surprise to some of you!) I have my strong suits but there are other men who might look like better options. When I was on Christian Filipina back then, I wasn’t expecting much interest because that’s what I was used to here in the U.S., however I very soon found out there were more Filipinas wanting to chat than I could even manage to chat with. Good “problem” to have.

I referenced the Eagles song in a recent video-Desperado-You better let somebody love you before it’s too late. Look for someone who will marry you. Not just anyone but a woman who is willing to marry you, rather than a fantasy woman who won’t look like that forever. Your “the one” could be many women, many women who are willing to give you a chance, who realize that they are not marrying a perfect man but they aren’t perfect either and they want a man who will marry them and let them be themselves, but be willing to lead the marriage and make the tough decisions.

I likely could have married any of the Filipinas I talked to, but my precious Aiza stood out as someone who was upfront about wanting a man who was not going to play games with her. They were all nice to chat with, and attractive, but the woman I married gave me the best chance to get married sooner, I thought. She wasn’t just someone however, your someone to marry should seem like you can get along with each other and have some important similarities in world view and religious faith. If you look for perfection, you better hope the women don’t.

Recently I made a video called Is Companionship Your Greatest Need?. I should link that also. I would suggest that when you are scouring the globe (yes, think outside the box, go where you’re wanted, go where you have to), be very mindful of the great need for companionship, the kind I talk about in the video. You need that don’t you? I know it can be dreadfully difficult if something would happen to them prematurely, but like I tell my wife, there are a thousand ways to die and no one has some kind of guaranteed contract in this life. So don’t say you don’t want companionship because you don’t want to experience the loss of that companionship someday. Rather pursue a companion for as long as God allows you to have it. Marry someone who will make a decent companion for you and commit to give them your best.

My Filipina wife isn’t just another pretty face, she isn’t just somebody, but she was someone who was willing to marry me if I was serious about her. I took the dive. I am grateful for the wonderful times and I am learning from the less glamorous ones. I finally found someone. How about you? It may be that you will need to look for someone far away, but look for someone. And don’t rule out finding love beyond the sea.

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