Marriage Advice

Help with Marital Harmony-Don't Try This At Home: Part 1

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I learned early on that my wife didn’t like the tone of my voice, she felt like I was upset with her because I was talking loud. This disgusted her. I had told my wife that if she finds something wrong that I am doing then she had the right to politely call me on it, and I would ask God and her to forgive me and I would pray for a changed heart. Well, she took me up on it! Actually I am glad she did because I need that. Using bad language-It is not right to use foul language but this is especially important in marriage to a Filipina. At work swear words are common even in earshot of supervisors, or even in their presence, and sometimes among married couples but with a Filipina this is not good. I used inappropriate language when I was single, once right in front of my pastor because I was so frustrated at being single but since I met and married my wife she has let me know how she feels about that.

The times I said a word I shouldn’t have were in the context of an argument and I later apologized for it, still, I am now very cognizant I need to bite my lip. Better yet would be to just use another expression or say nothing at all. By the way, the afore mentioned pastor is the one who encouraged me to find a Filipina wife, which is the time I found out about Christian Filipina. He is my counselor to this day and even chatted with her on Skype to give me his impressions (it was a thumbs up!). Losing your temper-We’ve seen Americans really get into it in public and in movies but I get the impression a Filipina is especially disgusted by this. This is true even if I lose my temper, even if I am mad at someone or something else! This is something that she will temporarily not talk to me for a period of time. She has never used “tampo” as her silence is not very long.

I needed to work on this anyway and I am very grateful for a wife who is not bashful about telling me what I do that isn’t Christ-like. I told her she could do this, but I didn’t expect her to take me seriously…..just kidding about that. Being rude-For instance, if I get frustrated with customer service because I can’t get the answer I am looking for or just can’t speak with anyone, all she has to do is give me “the look” and I know I am in trouble.

The more I think about it, she is right (always unfortunately) that I need to be mindful of how I speak to a complete stranger, even many miles away on the phone. One time she told me what to say when I went to return some milk that spilled in the bag because the cap was loose- “Sir, kindly replace this milk as it is leaking.” Is it really that simple? I did go and behaved well when getting it replaced, I was mostly upset that I had to make another trip to the store. Complaining-All of the above could happen while complaining and is a no-no. The Bible commands us to not complain about anything (“Do all things without grumbling or complaining”) so she is right about not wanting to hear me complain. Many Filipinas have learned to accept what they are not likely to change and to embrace what they have but the perception of a “rich foreigner” is that we complain a lot, yet we have so much. During our recent vacation to the Philippines, I complained about some of the airport security rules, which I thought were needless and stupid.

I did it enough that she told me she would rather visit the Philippines by herself! She has exposed that I have a weakness with complaining and I really want to do something about that. And please don’t make the mistake of getting upset with a customer service representative who is a Filipina! Looking at other women-This particular action is not something I have struggled with because my wife is very upfront how she would feel about that. Most women are protective of their husbands and a Filipina is no exception. When I do notice an attractive woman, I just look away quickly and remind myself that I have a beautiful wife that others look at, and she is a Filipina! My wife is also good about occasionally wearing clothes that appeal to me. Don’t confront in public-This is a bad habit among foreigners the way a Filipina sees it.

Your Filipina may give you the silent treatment for this. It is always better to take it up at home. These things would help with any women. The Bible says husbands are to dwell with their wives according to knowledge, or in an understanding way. As I continue to dwell with my recently married Filipina I am learning how she will react in certain situations. Being single it can be easier to get around these behaviors but not so when you are in a lifelong relationship. Working on these behaviors shows my wife I care and makes it easier for her to submit to me.

It takes me awhile to see things from her perspective but putting her feelings above my own will help us have the marriage we were seeking when we joined the dating site Christian Filipina.

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